Need some encouragement today

bluewriter · Jul 17, 2020

My wife left me 92 days ago and hasn't spoken to me since. I've went through a huge amount of trials including her getting an order of protection against me for throwing her phone during an argument (literally all I did - I've never hit or hurt her or her kids.) I cannot speak to her for another 18 days and she refuses to speak to me. She filed for divorce on July 1st.

I have been a faithful husband this entire time. I believe the Lord God has a higher view of marriage than most people and I intend to honor that view of marriage. As far as I know, there has been no affair and therefore no Biblical allowance for divorce. I have made the changes I needed and got some therapy and spiritual guidance about the anger issues that arose out of our circumstances. I'm praying and have asked countless others to pray for me that God would heal and restore our marriage.

Today, I need encouraged to keep going the distance. I'm toying with the idea of talking to women on dating sites because I'm lonely. God is telling my heart not to do it, because it's wrong. I'm still married and putting my faith in Him. But today is very difficult.

If you want to pray for me, pray for the restoration of my marriage and that God would soften my wife's heart and speak to her heart to reconcile with me because that is His will according to His Word. If you want to encourage me to keep doing the right thing, I'll listen to anything you have to say.

1christian1 · Jul 17, 2020

bluewriter said:

My wife left me 92 days ago and hasn't spoken to me since. I've went through a huge amount of trials including her getting an order of protection against me for throwing her phone during an argument (literally all I did - I've never hit or hurt her or her kids.) I cannot speak to her for another 18 days and she refuses to speak to me. She filed for divorce on July 1st.

I have been a faithful husband this entire time. I believe the Lord God has a higher view of marriage than most people and I intend to honor that view of marriage. As far as I know, there has been no affair and therefore no Biblical allowance for divorce. I have made the changes I needed and got some therapy and spiritual guidance about the anger issues that arose out of our circumstances. I'm praying and have asked countless others to pray for me that God would heal and restore our marriage.

Today, I need encouraged to keep going the distance. I'm toying with the idea of talking to women on dating sites because I'm lonely. God is telling my heart not to do it, because it's wrong. I'm still married and putting my faith in Him. But today is very difficult.

If you want to pray for me, pray for the restoration of my marriage and that God would soften my wife's heart and speak to her heart to reconcile with me because that is His will according to His Word. If you want to encourage me to keep doing the right thing, I'll listen to anything you have to say.

Did you discuss with your therapist or did ask the question, If you are so "in love" how could you be even thinking of other women? I've been in love more than once in my life and I'm telling you, It took a hell of a lot longer than 30 day's to move on. But I guess, we are all individual's, right?

Magenta · Jul 17, 2020

Praying for you, Jon, for you and Diana, that you will fight for this marriage to the end - whatever that may be.

azsheepdog · Jul 17, 2020

bluewriter, I've been down that road. I will spare the details, but do this; seek God first. Do not seek strangers to talk to. That's the wrong thing to do on so many levels. It will provide nothing of value. Find a Christian counselor. Do not seek out a pastor, as they are not usually trained in this. My situation was agonizing, I know a bit of what you're going through, but if you seek God with all your heart, He will guide and heal you.

Mii · Jul 18, 2020

Focus on the family has some resources for these types of situations if you don't have any local options.

I have lately been a lot more direct when asking for help/advice and I had one person be honest that he did not know. It could be that generalized advice is helpful to you and you personally can apply it specifically and if so there are more than a few places to get counseling to that end.

Is your wife completely closed to marriage counseling? Perhaps through an intermediary you could communicate that? Some states require marriage counseling before divorce. I do NOT advise using the courts to effect this as a first resort of course, but based off my read of scripture, as a last resort it is an option.

Familiarize yourself with the laws in your state (IL?) and I would recommend finding a good lawyer that can help you navigate that, ideally one that understand the feasibility of court mandated counseling prior to divorce. If you are not for the divorce then you have some options legally to prolong things. I've read that separation is discouraged and I'd recommend looking into the why of that also.

The legal stuff is mostly background but since I believe it is a last defense used by the Lord it should be well known.

YOU are the only one that knows your wife and will probably have some hard choices to make for reconciliation. Stick to what the word says and analyze your role. Totally stay away from new relationships. I think there's a lie in times like this that it "wasn't meant to be" and "God has someone better for me" etc etc. If he does, the process can be finalized before any new relationship takes place. Go on a vacation if you have the financial liberty to do so, change up your routine some. Even making a work vacation (like staying in a hotel for a few nights a week and commuting) could work to distract you. Hotels are about 50/50 for me personally. Anything where you don't dwell in despondency, bitterness, or unfaithfulness. This period of uncertainty won't last forever, don't let the enemy trip you up in the meantime. Thanks for reaching out. Will keep you in mind.

Bingo · Jul 18, 2020

"First, I feel for anyone going through marital problems, it can be a stressful experience
to go through...been there many years ago. I was not my self for about a year, but I finally
moved forward and had to accept it, and at the time, God was not part of my life, if so, I am
sure things would have been different. ( God being a part of your life, makes it no easier, I am sure )
I survived, and I believe, often there is a reason, and it may be years before we realize it.
Most likely, in every situation, it comes down to compatibility, meaning that a marriage requires
being willing to change and adapt to each other, and this often being the root of divorces...stubbornness.
Only you know all the circumstances, and when there are two, there are two sides...period.
I know we are meant to be happy and productive in a marriage, but it often does not work out.
I can only suggest, use your best judgement, common sense, and hopefully having God in your
life will be an asset. I hope all things work out accordingly, and they will. And, acceptance is often
a heavy burden, but life happening events are just that...life happening. Stay strong and come close
to God, you will survive."

bluewriter · Jul 18, 2020

Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm not giving up the fight for my marriage. I love my wife with all my heart and I'm not ready to move on. My struggle right now is with the loneliness I'm feeling. I have a great support group, they're just not female companionship if that makes sense (I don't mean sexually either.) I have been through a divorce before, so I know how it feels and what it takes to move on - I do not want to go through all of that again. I have put all my faith into God being able to restore my marriage and I'm walking that walk. The loneliness and despair of this trial is overwhelming right now. As much as I fight the good fight, doubt keeps creeping in.

And thank you so much for your prayers. They mean the world to me.

Butterflyyy · Jul 18, 2020

bluewriter said:

I'm sorry to hear this, and I would urge you to seek God as to whether there is anything He wants you to repent of or take responsibility for in the situation.
I have to ask the question, why you would consider speaking with other women on dating sites if you are not scripturally free to re-marry? It is asking for trouble/ sin and God sees your heart. We need an undivided heart before Him to be able to hear Him; if we regard iniquity in our hearts the Lord will not hear, and that is a scary place to be brother.
Seek Him with your whole heart, fast and pray, do everything you can to get answers from Him ask Him to search you and know you and see if there be any wicked way in youand to lead you in the way everlasting. Lay it all down for your wife unto the Lord, this is His requirement. Fight in the spiritual realm for your wife and for your kids, and keep trusting Him, every moment, of every day ... even until He returns.

I say all this, not knowing the details; so please know it is not my intention to trample on your heart at such a painful time.

Butterflyyy · Jul 18, 2020

bluewriter said:

Resolve in your heart to turn to Him every time you feel lonely-He is enough🙌
We have an enemy roaming around who is a liar, and the Powers of darkness want you to think you are lonely and that God is not enough for you; they want to destroy Christian marriages, in fact witches pray for this.
My ex left me 10 years ago, I was in a remote area with 5 kids and rarely saw another adult. It's been very lonely at times, but we are in a spiritual battle and God knows how to get us through trials, His grace IS enough, if we draw near to Him, He draws near to us.

Butterflyyy · Jul 18, 2020

Prayer support for you guys is vital right now; do you have a good Pastor and Church?

Keep your Ephesians 6 armour on, take up the shield of faith with which you will quench all the fiery darts of the enemy💪

bluewriter · Jul 18, 2020

Butterflyyy said:

Yes, I have a lot of faithful people praying for us. We go to the same church. I have to go to the early service to avoid being around her at the later service. It's a mess.

bluewriter · Jul 18, 2020

I really want to stress that I repented of the wrongdoing in my marriage way early in this process and I've continued to seek out what I need to do and change to make this work out. I'm not innocent, but I'm also not the only one at fault. I have made a prayer journal that I choose three scriptures about marriage restoration, healing, and deliverance that I meditate on every day.

Butterflyyy · Jul 18, 2020

bluewriter said:

I hope you don't mind me asking; does she know you have truly repented?

bluewriter · Jul 18, 2020

Butterflyyy said:

I can't communicate with her due to the order of protection.

Butterflyyy · Jul 19, 2020

But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.
Job 23:10

Prycejosh1987 · Jul 24, 2020

bluewriter said:

It seems there are secret intentions on her side, if what you say is true. The best thing to do is have open and honest communication with her, and try and work things out, it sounds like she has paranoia, unless you did something so bad if caused her to be extremely upset. My and God are the same i hate divorce also because its take time and care and effort to build a relationship to the point where you decide to marry.

bluewriter · Jul 28, 2020

It's been 103 days. I have court tomorrow to vacate the order of protection. A victory will mean I can go home and speak to my wife. I've had time to change. Listening to Danny Gokey's "Comeback" right now getting hyped. Lol

Pray for a victory for me tomorrow. Claiming it in Jesus' Holy Name. I'm believing God is going to save and restore my marriage for His glory. Stand with me in faith Christian brothers and sisters!

Beth220 · Jul 28, 2020

bluewriter said:

Praying all goes well, according to God's will, as long as Jesus is in the center of your marriage everything will work out, for; "

bluewriter said:

I know personally what you are going through and it's not easy, but the best advice I can give you is to continue looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, trust in Him with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding, I all things acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path, also, don't be discouraged, but wait on The Lord, be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart, finally, don't forget...

Romans 8:28
King James Version

28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose"......................will be praying for God to restore your marriage according to His loving will....and may He be the center of your marriage and your life always!

bluewriter · Jul 28, 2020

Beth220 said:

Praying all goes well, according to God's will, as long as Jesus is in the center of your marriage everything will work out, for; "

I know personally what you are going through and it's not easy, but the best advice I can give you is to continue looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, trust in Him with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding, I all things acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path, also, don't be discouraged, but wait on The Lord, be of good courage and He shall strengthen your heart, finally, don't forget...

Romans 8:28
King James Version

28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose"......................will be praying for God to restore your marriage according to His loving will....and may He be the center of your marriage and your life always!

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! I've been claiming those verses. I started a prayer journal about 40 days ago and I've given the battle completely over to God Almighty. I'm trusting in Him.

Butterflyyy · Jul 28, 2020

bluewriter said:

It's been 103 days. I have court tomorrow to vacate the order of protection. A victory will mean I can go home and speak to my wife. I've had time to change. Listening to Danny Gokey's "Comeback" right now getting hyped. Lol

Pray for a victory for me tomorrow. Claiming it in Jesus' Holy Name. I'm believing God is going to save and restore my marriage for His glory. Stand with me in faith Christian brothers and sisters!

Praying for you brother.... keep trusting Him X

Need some encouragement today

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