Why Don't We Hear About Single Christian Women Looking for Husbands in Other Countries?

[bojack]

I tried to talk a young engineer into a mail order bride, he was a polite hard working considerate guy without much experience in social skills and too shy , he was a good kid .. I told him he needed a humble Russian bride who was tired of drunks and that chances were if he married an American girl she would run his life and run over him .. I copied a few pages of a dating site and of course he told me I was crazy .. He wasn't interested in the bar scene and he was lonely .. I can't imagine women for the most part not being serious and willing to try if they sign up for being a mail order bride .. Pre-arranged marriages worked for centuries

 

[Lynx]

I'm with the young engineer. I'd be telling you "FORGET IT!" too.

 

[GWYW_Bob]

The older you get the pool of available single people without baggage decreases drastically. Like for example, by the time someone is in their mid 50s many people already have children, a boat load of debt, maybe a failed marriage or two. Not saying those things are deal breakers, but I find that many single people want to start with a clean slate with someone, not jump right into being a provider for someone single with kids and debt.

So people who are single and may seek a partner well below their traditional age range because they don't bring a lot of baggage to the relationship usually. It might be easier to look overseas for a mail order bride or bridegroom because those kind of markets are almost always not based in Western countries. In other words, that's just the nature of the business, I imagine.

There's a lot of other possible reasons unique to each person's life circumstances of course, but I'll stick with that for now.

Good points. I married overseas at 53 after being invisible for thirty years. I felt it was my last chance and hadn't even thought about it until my pastor suggested it. I preferred a woman who didn't drink and didn't have children or grandchildren. That is a challenge today. I also wanted someone who wanted to get married.

 

[JustEli]

I married a foreign woman, the cultural differences were just too much to overcome.
Her being from minnesota, and me hailing from west of the Rockies. hahaha

 

[GWYW_Bob]

I tried to talk a young engineer into a mail order bride, he was a polite hard working considerate guy without much experience in social skills and too shy , he was a good kid .. I told him he needed a humble Russian bride who was tired of drunks and that chances were if he married an American girl she would run his life and run over him .. I copied a few pages of a dating site and of course he told me I was crazy .. He wasn't interested in the bar scene and he was lonely .. I can't imagine women for the most part not being serious and willing to try if they sign up for being a mail order bride .. Pre-arranged marriages worked for centuries

For clarification the mail order bride concept has been illegal for awhile. Marrying overseas after connecting on a dating site is different, as is going on a tour in another country to meet multiple prospects at once. I know a church deacon many years ago who before the internet, wrote letters to a woman in another country and they have been married about twenty years with three children. It's much easier today.

A 36 year old single Christian man asked my wife where we met on line at work, and after she told him, he signed up and within a month was going steady so to speak with a 25 year old, married her and now she is here with him and they even work at the same place. He didn't have success here. While there certainly will be scammers, there are women, like you say, who sign up because they indeed are serious.

 

[bojack]

I'm with the young engineer. I'd be telling you "FORGET IT!" too.

He was listening, besides , I'm that guy who risks you getting angry if I tell you something others won't ..

 

[bojack]

I married a foreign woman, the cultural differences were just too much to overcome.
Her being from minnesota, and me hailing from west of the Rockies. hahaha

Minnesota is the land of 10,000 lakes , it seem they could at least find one to go jump in

 

[GWYW_Bob]

We lost touch after they got married, but this was yet another roadblock -- she had 2 Master's degrees but yet couldn't work at all due to all the legal complications, visas, green card, etc. taking forever to sort out, as well as paying the fees, etc.

She was immensely frustrated by this because she's a very hard worker and had never intended to leave her home country in to just sit around the house.

If a man is expecting a woman to help him with the bills, a foreign bride may be prohibited from doing so even if she wants to work. The women I've known in those situations (where life was much different than they expected) couldn't keep up a facade of being a happy, adoring wife for very long.

My wife got her SSN within a month, then started working. She didn't have 2 Master's degrees but all she needed was a SSN to pay taxes.

 

[JustEli]

Minnesota is the land of 10,000 lakes , it seem they could at least find one to go jump in

hahahahahahaahahaaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[bojack]

I had a preacher married a girl from the Dominican Republic , very sweet and hard working, very faithful and pretty ..

 

[GWYW_Bob]

The American, Canadian, and European currency is usually a lot more valuable than their home currency, and even minimum wages in other countries are generally much higher in comparison.

While this isn't always the case, in some situations, a foreign man is seen as a cash cow for her whole family.

I was in a place a while back in which 1 American dollar was worth about 18 to the local people.

Many women in foreign countries make 5 dollars a day, which isn't bad. The top call center jobs could net 10 dollars a day. When she can make 15 dollars an hour or more here plus overtime, that has great appeal.

 

[GWYW_Bob]

Hey Everyone,

I was just thinking about the fact that I've often read about men who look for love online in foreign countries (meaning, for this thread, any country other than the one they are living in or identify with.) Several years ago here in Singles, we had a few middle-aged men (in their 50's) who were very enthusiastically encouraging Christian men to look for young brides in Asian countries. I remember one specifically saying that "American women are poison," and therefore, a man's best chance was to look overseas.

Over the years, I've personally known about 15 married couples in which the spouses were from completely different countries and cultures. In the past, I've written some threads about the unique challenges they've told me they face, but this thread is not about that.

Rather, I'd like to ask -- if Christian men feel led by God to seek young wives from other countries, why aren't Christian women doing the same?

As I've said, I've known some couples who fit this category, but it was always the husband who had actively pursued options in other countries, and not the wife. So why don't we see this in reverse? I've never met, or even read about, a single couple in which the woman was the one who was actively pursuing men in other countries through dating sites that advertise foreign spouses, etc. Why not? (I'm sure there must be a few out there, but why would it be so rare?)

* Is it because the men are seen as being the ones who should pursue, and therefore, women shouldn't be pursuing men? (If so, why,, and are they, allowed to pursue men within their own country?)

* Is it because more men are in a position to hunt for foreign spouses than women? (For example, they don't have kids or have enough leniency in their custody agreements to be able to pursue someone in another country.)

* Is it because women just aren't interested in this kind of option?

I would really be interested in hearing your feedback.

Please note -- I'm neither encouraging nor condoning this for either gender. If a person feels led by God to pursue a spouse in another country, who am I to say anything?

But ladies, if you DID decide to look for men in other countries:

* Would you be more likely to look for someone who is younger (as the men seem to do), about your age, or older?

* Would you travel to the country to meet him, or would you want him to come to your country instead? And would do you think you'd wind up moving to his country, or would you expect him to move to yours?

I know that duplicate threads are usually frowned upon, but I am going to copy this and put it up in the Family Forum as well. I'm interested in what both singles and married have to say about this, and know that the best way to try to glean from both groups is to post in both forums.

Looking forward to an interesting discussion!

Very intersting question. Without thinking too much, maybe it comes down to she has less desire to pursue a man than a man has to pursue a woman. It would feel weird to me to have a woman pursue me.

 

[GWYW_Bob]

I had a preacher married a girl from the Dominican Republic , very sweet and hard working, very faithful and pretty ..

Some of these women are raised to be faithful. In the Philippines there is no divorce. Sadly that causes other issues like mistresses.

 

[Lynx]

Some of these women are raised to be faithful. In the Philippines there is no divorce. Sadly that causes other issues like mistresses.

*Lynx crams a paw in his mouth and walks away quickly.

I'll leave this one for seoulsearch to take up. She does the "there is no divorce in this country" topic better than I.

 

[GWYW_Bob]

*Lynx crams a paw in his mouth and walks away quickly.

I'll leave this one for seoulsearch to take up. She does the "there is no divorce in this country" topic better than I.

What do you mean?

 

[cinder]

What do you mean?

Well I'm not seoulsearch but join me in a thought experiment here: God leglaized divorce for the ancient Israelites, his holy people and visible demonstration of what kind of society and people he would create. And when Jesus comments on it in the new testament says that was in the law of Moses because God knew how hard the hearts of the people were.

So in a society where divorce is impossible (not just socially unacceptable) what do you think is going to happen when a man wants to get rid of his wife so he can get a new one (or just be free of having to deal with the one he's got)?


If you need a hint...... "accidents" often fatal ones. I can't say that this is the case in Phillipine culture (because I don't know that for sure one way or the other); but have heard and read reliable stories about women killed because their husbands wanted more dowry after their marriage and women having fatal kitchen accidents for unknown reasons in other countries so this definitely does happen in the world.

 

[cinder]

The older you get the pool of available single people without baggage decreases drastically. Like for example, by the time someone is in their mid 50s many people already have children, a boat load of debt, maybe a failed marriage or two. Not saying those things are deal breakers, but I find that many single people want to start with a clean slate with someone, not jump right into being a provider for someone single with kids and debt.

So people who are single and may seek a partner well below their traditional age range because they don't bring a lot of baggage to the relationship usually. It might be easier to look overseas for a mail order bride or bridegroom because those kind of markets are almost always not based in Western countries. In other words, that's just the nature of the business, I imagine.

There's a lot of other possible reasons unique to each person's life circumstances of course, but I'll stick with that for now.

So are you talking about single people who've somehow managed to get to an older age without accumulating baggage seeking out someone without a lot of baggage as well and having to go younger to find that?
Or are you talking about a selfish older person bringing all their baggage to the marriage but not being willing to have a partner equally matched in the amount of baggage?

 

[seoulsearch]

Some of these women are raised to be faithful. In the Philippines there is no divorce. Sadly that causes other issues like mistresses.

*Lynx crams a paw in his mouth and walks away quickly.

I'll leave this one for seoulsearch to take up. She does the "there is no divorce in this country" topic better than I.

What do you mean?

Hi Bob,

Welcome to CC.

Many moons ago, I was married to a Filipino.

To be fair to your post, he divorced me outside of the Philippines, and I'm not sure how it would have been handled if we had been living there. One day we supposedly went to work "like normal", and when I came home, half the house was gone. A few weeks later, the divorce papers he had filed alone arrived in the mail.

Ironically, he didn't leave me for a Filipina, but a red-headed American girl.

@CozHElivesIcanface2morrow -- may we ask you how you've seen divorce handled in the Philippines? And thank you very much for your post. My second biggest sorrow after the divorce was losing my sisters-in-law, who, as you said, were beautiful, very kind towards me, and extremely hard-working.

 

[seoulsearch]

Hi Bob,

Welcome to CC.

Many moons ago, I was married to a Filipino.

To be fair to your post, he divorced me outside of the Philippines, and I'm not sure how it would have been handled if we had been living there. One day we supposedly went to work "like normal", and when I came home, half the house was gone. A few weeks later, the divorce papers he had filed alone arrived in the mail.

Ironically, he didn't leave me for a Filipina, but a red-headed American girl.

@CozHElivesIcanface2morrow -- may we ask you how you've seen divorce handled in the Philippines? And thank you very much for your post. My second biggest sorrow after the divorce was losing my sisters-in-law, who, as you said, were beautiful, very kind towards me, and extremely hard-working.

To be fair to my ex, all he took from the house were his own things. He didn't try to fight me for anything and was not out for any material gain.

All he wanted was to be out of the marriage and free to pursue this other girl. He cut all contact and we never spoke again.

For many years, and even now, I had a very hard time comprehending a world in which someone can go from being your spouse one day, to just another stranger who disappears into the void of the world the next.

 

[seoulsearch]

What's interesting to me when reading people's feedback here is that from a business standpoint, it seems to be a clear-cut case of supply and demand.

* Men want younger women who are aesthetically pleasing, fertile (according to Adstar,) have little to no baggage, respect whatever amount of money the man has, and still looks to him as a leader and provider.

And so, the business world found a way to both meet and profit from this. The demand is, and will always be high, and there is an ample supply of young women from poorer countries from which they can recruit in order to meet this demand.

What's ironic to me is that there seems to be no equivalent for women.

If it's fair for men to want what they want, wouldn't God allow women to their own wants as well?

* What if a woman wants a man with little to no baggage, and is a good leader and provider? There's plenty of demand, but it's intriguing to me that apparently, not even money-hungry businesses can find a supply to sell to them because if they could find a way to profit off women's dreams the same way as the men, they wouldn't hesitate.

I'm not trying to make this a battle of the sexes at all.

I'm just noticing what appears to me to be a gaping discrepancy, and I am thinking to myself, "Why?"