One last blow

[Aerials1978]

Hello Brothers and Sisters. This has been quite a rough month for me. My marriage officially came to an end. My last day at my job was March 1st. And now I found out that my ex wife has a boyfriend. It hurts, but I’m also concerned about our 4 kids. I’m trying to install biblical truths into them, and I see troubled waters ahead. I don’t want to fall into sin over this, so I have asked the Lord give me wisdom and a steadfast heart. I am open to Godly advice(and prayers as well) as how to deal with such a mountain. The kids will see and experience things that are not of God in their mothers house. What if this man is abusive? How do I deal with such a thing? Only God knows the course, and I ask for Him to guide us through to the other side. Thank you all for your blessings!

 

[Roughsoul1991]

Hello Brothers and Sisters. This has been quite a rough month for me. My marriage officially came to an end. My last day at my job was March 1st. And now I found out that my ex wife has a boyfriend. It hurts, but I’m also concerned about our 4 kids. I’m trying to install biblical truths into them, and I see troubled waters ahead. I don’t want to fall into sin over this, so I have asked the Lord give me wisdom and a steadfast heart. I am open to Godly advice(and prayers as well) as how to deal with such a mountain. The kids will see and experience things that are not of God in their mothers house. What if this man is abusive? How do I deal with such a thing? Only God knows the course, and I ask for Him to guide us through to the other side. Thank you all for your blessings!

First step. Calm your mind, stop thinking of the what if but instead shift the if. If God was by your side, literally right beside you, what would Jesus say?

The reality is that this will not be easy. You will have to work harder within your household to guide your kids. Prayer will be your biggest priority while your kids are away. Remember even though it may hurt but try to have a good relationship with the mother because this will help every issue with the kids go over more smoothly.

Here is Dr Dobson from Family Talk. He explains a lot of this in detail. Unfortunately the consequences you must be aware so that hopefully you can contain and restrict the damage. But ultimately reach a place of healing for everyone.

 

[Aerials1978]

First step. Calm your mind, stop thinking of the what if but instead shift the if. If God was by your side, literally right beside you, what would Jesus say?

The reality is that this will not be easy. You will have to work harder within your household to guide your kids. Prayer will be your biggest priority while your kids are away. Remember even though it may hurt but try to have a good relationship with the mother because this will help every issue with the kids go over more smoothly.

Here is Dr Dobson from Family Talk. He explains a lot of this in detail. Unfortunately the consequences you must be aware so that hopefully you can contain and restrict the damage. But ultimately reach a place of healing for everyone.

Thanks Brother. You’re correct. Fruits of the spirit!

 

[Whispered]

Hello Brothers and Sisters. This has been quite a rough month for me. My marriage officially came to an end. My last day at my job was March 1st. And now I found out that my ex wife has a boyfriend. It hurts, but I’m also concerned about our 4 kids. I’m trying to install biblical truths into them, and I see troubled waters ahead. I don’t want to fall into sin over this, so I have asked the Lord give me wisdom and a steadfast heart. I am open to Godly advice(and prayers as well) as how to deal with such a mountain. The kids will see and experience things that are not of God in their mothers house. What if this man is abusive? How do I deal with such a thing? Only God knows the course, and I ask for Him to guide us through to the other side. Thank you all for your blessings!

Know your limits. If your wife no longer wants to be wife to you, you can't force it. She left a Godly family for her reasons and perhaps she had this bf all along. Adultery is grounds for divorce in scripture. You are entitled to be happy, as is she.
You loved one another once and still do since you're parents. Consider that for the children, part amicably and stay friends. And of course pray.
Sometimes God lets our mate leave because they're no longer made for us and both people in that relationship deserve happiness. It does a disservice to all the years of love between you to part as enemies. And it sends a terrible deeper heartbreaking message to your children.

As for the other man. If it were me, first I'd have to surprise my husband by turning into a man, ha! OK, trying to make you grin just a bit there. Did it work?
Seriously, if it were me, I'd do a background check on the guy. You have a right to know who is going to be with your wife and children.
Very likely, she didn't do this.

There are things you're going to have to accept here. First, you had nothing to do with her decision to leave. It isn't, wasn't, your fault! It was her choice.
Secondly, you don't know if that other guy even knew she was married when they first met. Don't blame him. Your wife is responsible for all of this in the leaving part.
It takes two people to make a marriage crumble. And if it be Gods will, two people to heal it too. Don't push. She made her choice, let her see how it is to live with it. But be there for her if it all goes south. And as I mentioned, be amicable. Don't hate. Hate destroys the one who feels the hatred, it does nothing to the target of the hate. I learned that from my sister and her nightmare of a marriage to the wrong man.

God be with you all.

 

[Whispered]

 

[Aerials1978]

Know your limits. If your wife no longer wants to be wife to you, you can't force it. She left a Godly family for her reasons and perhaps she had this bf all along. Adultery is grounds for divorce in scripture. You are entitled to be happy, as is she.
You loved one another once and still do since you're parents. Consider that for the children, part amicably and stay friends. And of course pray.
Sometimes God lets our mate leave because they're no longer made for us and both people in that relationship deserve happiness. It does a disservice to all the years of love between you to part as enemies. And it sends a terrible deeper heartbreaking message to your children.

As for the other man. If it were me, first I'd have to surprise my husband by turning into a man, ha! OK, trying to make you grin just a bit there. Did it work?
Seriously, if it were me, I'd do a background check on the guy. You have a right to know who is going to be with your wife and children.
Very likely, she didn't do this.

There are things you're going to have to accept here. First, you had nothing to do with her decision to leave. It isn't, wasn't, your fault! It was her choice.
Secondly, you don't know if that other guy even knew she was married when they first met. Don't blame him. Your wife is responsible for all of this in the leaving part.
It takes two people to make a marriage crumble. And if it be Gods will, two people to heal it too. Don't push. She made her choice, let her see how it is to live with it. But be there for her if it all goes south. And as I mentioned, be amicable. Don't hate. Hate destroys the one who feels the hatred, it does nothing to the target of the hate. I learned that from my sister and her nightmare of a marriage to the wrong man.

God be with you all.

Thank you. I don’t have hate. Many of things were of my own doing. I didn’t love her as a husband should. I bear the burden of most of this. I truly have deep sorrow for my sins. God has shown me this, and I have turned away from the evil that brought this. I’m asking God that give me the power to forgive her, or I can never be fully in Gods grace if I harbor resentment.

 

[BenFTW]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and as you can imagine, this is one of the reasons God opposes divorce. That’s something I’ve always wondered, why is sin defined as sin? It can’t just be because God declares it so, but because of an inherent reason. Look at the pain it can possibly cause. Look at the costs, and risks involved, not walking in love.

I don’t know the story between you and your ex, nor does it seem reconcilable. Especially because she has moved on, it seems. You know for what reasons you parted. And, I think your concern for a bad example is already fully present, not even considering your ex’s bf and what things your children will/may experience. I am speaking of you and your ex wife, and maybe you parted amicably, but what example have you left them (when it comes to relationships)?

I know that stings, and I’m sorry for being so forthright, but if you are concerned what things your children will witness, consider what they have already witnessed. How do you heal that? Maybe that’s not your job and that will be a work of God, but maybe your best approach (depending upon their age) is to explain to them where you both came short of love. Explain to them the importance of walking in love.

I am speaking from a place of ignorance not knowing what caused your divorce, and whether the relationship was doomed to begin with, but regardless, the divorce is something that can have a negative impact on your children, for a couple reasons. I say “can” as opposed to “will” because God brings healing, and He can ground them in love.

I would say, continue to raise them in the Lord. Keep going to church with them. Raise them in righteousness, and inform them of the consequences of action’s taken. They could go drink, sure, but look at the costs of alcoholism. Teach them to make informed decisions. Ingrain this in them. But more importantly, keep them in the pursuit of God’s will for their life. Let them see the beauty of righteousness. Keep an open dialogue with them.

I’m sorry Aerials.

 

[Aerials1978]

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and as you can imagine, this is one of the reasons God opposes divorce. That’s something I’ve always wondered, why is sin defined as sin? It can’t just be because God declares it so, but because of an inherent reason. Look at the pain it can possibly cause. Look at the costs, and risks involved, not walking in love.

I don’t know the story between you and your ex, nor does it seem reconcilable. Especially because she has moved on, it seems. You know for what reasons you parted. And, I think your concern for a bad example is already fully present, not even considering your ex’s bf and what things your children will/may experience. I am speaking of you and your ex wife, and maybe you parted amicably, but what example have you left them (when it comes to relationships)?

I know that stings, and I’m sorry for being so forthright, but if you are concerned what things your children will witness, consider what they have already witnessed. How do you heal that? Maybe that’s not your job and that will be a work of God, but maybe your best approach (depending upon their age) is to explain to them where you both came short of love. Explain to them the importance of walking in love.

I am speaking from a place of ignorance not knowing what caused your divorce, and whether the relationship was doomed to begin with, but regardless, the divorce is something that can have a negative impact on your children, for a couple reasons. I say “can” as opposed to “will” because God brings healing, and He can ground them in love.

I would say, continue to raise them in the Lord. Keep going to church with them. Raise them in righteousness, and inform them of the consequences of action’s taken. They could go drink, sure, but look at the costs of alcoholism. Teach them to make informed decisions. Ingrain this in them. But more importantly, keep them in the pursuit of God’s will for their life. Let them see the beauty of righteousness. Keep an open dialogue with them.

I’m sorry Aerials.

No need to apologize. I was a wretched man.
Sin is a deviation from God’s holy standard. We cannot be like Him on our own. By our very nature we are enemies of God. But we are His workman ship. He so loved us He send His Son to atone. The way is narrow. I have had full knowledge of God for quite some time I chose to ignore. I’m paying the price for that heavily. God is remaking my soul and there has to be pain involved for me to truly be understand and accept His saving grace.

 

[Aerials1978]

I watched this and this video actually opened my eyes to the Lord again. I have been in contact with Michael a few times. God gave him the peace he yearned for.

 

[BenFTW]

No need to apologize. I was a wretched man.
Sin is a deviation from God’s holy standard. We cannot be like Him on our own. By our very nature we are enemies of God. But we are His workman ship. He so loved us He send His Son to atone. The way is narrow. I have had full knowledge of God for quite some time I chose to ignore. I’m paying the price for that heavily. God is remaking my soul and there has to be pain involved for me to truly be understand and accept His saving grace.

But God doesn’t want you to wallow in the past of your sins either bud! Don’t identify with that past, it’s no longer who you are. Remember that God sanctifies and makes us new creations. God is merciful, and you don’t have to think that you are paying for your sins, as if it’s a punishment. No! Jesus paid for your sins. You may be experiencing natural consequences of your sins, but it isn’t God’s doing. You don’t put your hand over a burner, get burned, and blame God, lol.

Hey, don’t feel down and out. Maybe it’s not even on your mind, but if this divorce was “ethically” done and done justifiably, maybe the Lord will bring a woman into your life who will take on the role of mother to your children, and you will once again have a spouse. I don’t know, but this life is short Aerials. Don’t live in the past, and do love in the present.

 

[Locoponydirtman]

Hello Brothers and Sisters. This has been quite a rough month for me. My marriage officially came to an end. My last day at my job was March 1st. And now I found out that my ex wife has a boyfriend. It hurts, but I’m also concerned about our 4 kids. I’m trying to install biblical truths into them, and I see troubled waters ahead. I don’t want to fall into sin over this, so I have asked the Lord give me wisdom and a steadfast heart. I am open to Godly advice(and prayers as well) as how to deal with such a mountain. The kids will see and experience things that are not of God in their mothers house. What if this man is abusive? How do I deal with such a thing? Only God knows the course, and I ask for Him to guide us through to the other side. Thank you all for your blessings!

These things are tough. I hope you have a strong group of good Christian men as a support team. If not please seek one out. You know the scriptures say bear one anothers burdens. I will say a prayer for you. Remember to stay in the word as often as possible. Church, Bible study, prayer groups, volunteer days at the church, go to all of them that you can.

 

[Micaiah-imla]

I bear the burden of most of this. I truly have deep sorrow for my sins.

I was a wretched man.

I have had full knowledge of God for quite some time I chose to ignore.

PSALM 15:1-2 "LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that...speaks the truth in his heart".

Your honesty in regards to your actions show that you are on the right path before God.

Remember to stay in the word as often as possible.

Amen to that! It is critical to be filled with the word of God, especially in these circumstances where the Devil can use these things to gain an advantage on us. I will keep you in my prayers, brother!

I went through something similar to this before I became a believer and was totally ignorant of the word of God. Somehow God knew that I was in a desperate situation, and I really battled an evil force during that time, without God! But it must have been God who brought me through that time because a short time afterwards that situation lead me to seek for God out of his word, and I found him.

Stay strong in the Lord. We serve a God who is very merciful.

 

[Aerials1978]

PSALM 15:1-2 "LORD, who shall abide in thy tabernacle? who shall dwell in thy holy hill? He that...speaks the truth in his heart".

Your honesty in regards to your actions show that you are on the right path before God.



Amen to that! It is critical to be filled with the word of God, especially in these circumstances where the Devil can use these things to gain an advantage on us. I will keep you in my prayers, brother!

I went through something similar to this before I became a believer and was totally ignorant of the word of God. Somehow God knew that I was in a desperate situation, and I really battled an evil force during that time, without God! But it must have been God who brought me through that time because a short time afterwards that situation lead me to seek for God out of his word, and I found him.

Stay strong in the Lord. We serve a God who is very merciful.

He is slow to anger and rich in mercy!

 

[Locoponydirtman]

It sounds as though you are truly repentant. May God bless and keep you in his boundless mercy forever. Amen.

 

[laughingheart]

I am so sorry for your pain. One of the things I held on to was that God loved and loves my son more than I do. It seemed impossible to me because I would have torn apart cities to protect him. From my own experience there were times when things were out of my hands and I thought that they were a disaster. Looking back I see that God walked with him and some really important things happened during those times. During these times I am not saying look for the bright spots. I would not insult you by minimizing the huge emotional turmoil you are in. I just want to say that looking back I can see God's hand. I just want to let you know that he will not leave your children. This will not be easy. Things are not good right now. I don't know when they will be. All I can say is that he will be there while you walk through these dark valleys. Hugs to you little brother.

 

[Dino246]

Hey Aerials,
Sorry to hear you're going through this. I've been through it... it's no fun, but God is good and faithful. Keep leaning on Him!

Also, I found the daily devotional from DivorceCare.org helpful. It comes with relevant Scripture and advice. If you haven't already, get a lawyer... I delayed on this, and have gone through significant loss as a direct result.

 

[Bingo]

No need to apologize. I was a wretched man.
Sin is a deviation from God’s holy standard. We cannot be like Him on our own. By our very nature we are enemies of God. But we are His workman ship. He so loved us He send His Son to atone. The way is narrow. I have had full knowledge of God for quite some time I chose to ignore. I’m paying the price for that heavily. God is remaking my soul and there has to be pain involved for me to truly be understand and accept His saving grace.

"Sound words. Often, our transgressions may be the path of God in 'finding us', and to help us
move forward in a deeper and more fulfilling sense of God's 'presence' in ones own life.
Life happening difficulties omits no one, and I have learned being in God's care is a
tremendous advantage in pulling through life difficulties...believe it!..........'Praise God'.

 

[Aerials1978]

I am so sorry for your pain. One of the things I held on to was that God loved and loves my son more than I do. It seemed impossible to me because I would have torn apart cities to protect him. From my own experience there were times when things were out of my hands and I thought that they were a disaster. Looking back I see that God walked with him and some really important things happened during those times. During these times I am not saying look for the bright spots. I would not insult you by minimizing the huge emotional turmoil you are in. I just want to say that looking back I can see God's hand. I just want to let you know that he will not leave your children. This will not be easy. Things are not good right now. I don't know when they will be. All I can say is that he will be there while you walk through these dark valleys. Hugs to you little brother.

Thank you. And hugs right back. I know God has His plans and nothing can thwart them.

 

[Aerials1978]

"Sound words. Often, our transgressions may be the path of God in 'finding us', and to help us
move forward in a deeper and more fulfilling sense of God's 'presence' in ones own life.
Life happening difficulties omits no one, and I have learned being in God's care is a
tremendous advantage in pulling through life difficulties...believe it!..........'Praise God'.
View attachment 212999 View attachment 213000

You are correct.

 

[Nehemiah6]

The kids will see and experience things that are not of God in their mothers house. What if this man is abusive? How do I deal with such a thing?

Sorry to hear about this very bad situation. However, it would appear that you should be the sole custodian and parent of your children. Meet with a lawyer who deals with these kinds of issues, and petition the court immediately (since you have good grounds for making this request).