Is love unchanging or does it become deeper?

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BenFTW

BenFTW

Senior Member
#1
Oct 7, 2012
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#1
How do you view love, in relationships? Is love a steady state, a state of being that is unchanging, or can it become deeper? Does anyone actually grow deeper in their love or is it just a matter of... being? Am I making sense?

You love someone with your whole heart. This love is eternal, it is... I am having such a hard time expressing this thought, haha. Maybe the third paragraph will cut it, let’s try again.

“I love you.” This is an expression of what I feel in my heart. Does this feeling become stronger or even weaker or does it remain the same as black and white does? You either love someone or you don’t, but you don’t become more in love. Right? Or wrong? Does a deeper level of love, if we say it can change, translate to a tangible difference in one’s actions or is it just the singing of the heart, a tad louder?

I am trying to understand if people view love as something that just is or something that can fluctuate. I once asked my father this question (he has been married to my mother since they were 21 and they are now 65) and I asked, “Has your love grown deeper over the years?” But he said that it hasn’t changed, he just loves her. My mom says “Love is love.” In other words, it doesn’t change.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#2
Mar 28, 2018
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#2
This is a interesting thread because I’d also like to know what people think or have experienced regarding love.

My only experience with romantic love is that I’ve only ever loved one guy many years ago, and it was a love that kept progressing each day, with feelings towards him growing stronger and stronger.

Unfortunately it didn’t work out, but that’s the only love I’ve experienced with someone.

I think it’s also nice to look at older couples, like you said with your parents and see how the love that they have each other “looks like” now compared to when they first met. I know some older couples who have been with eachother for 20+ years STILL carry the same love and affection towards eachother and it’s such a beautiful thing to witness 💜
 
Tinkerbell725

Tinkerbell725

Senior Member
#3
Jul 19, 2014
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Philippines Age 40
#3
I think I have been love bombed before. I was so clueless but I was having doubts. Love bombing is the narcissist's secret weapon. Before everything became deeper and messier, I decided to end it all. Love takes time to grow but what happened to me was like a fast train that got derailed.

Love is like a flower, you have to let it grow - John Lennon.
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#4
#4
Real love is not glamorous or romantic. Its hard work. But there are rewards.
Stages
1. you only see their good points
2. you start to see their bad points
3. you only see their bad points
4. you start to see new good points at a deeper level
5. you realise you married a human being. celebrate their good points.
 
M

morefaithrequired

Guest
#5
#5
too realistic? have i dampened your enthusiasm for marriage? 😁
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#6
Mar 28, 2018
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#6
morefaithrequired said:
Real love is not glamorous or romantic. Its hard work. But there are rewards.
Stages
1. you only see their good points
2. you start to see their bad points
3. you only see their bad points
4. you start to see new good points at a deeper level
5. you realise you married a human being. celebrate their good points.
Click to expand...
Definitely would agree that love is hard work, just as is marriage in itself.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#9
Aug 13, 2014
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#9
Which kind of love are we talking about? There's a lot of them out there.

If we're talking about romantic love... this is the singles forum. What do WE know about it? :p
 
Demi777

Demi777

Senior Member
#11
Oct 13, 2014
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Germany
#11
There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. Love can grow after falling in love. I find love grows deeper the more u know someone and trust grows.
 
BenFTW

BenFTW

Senior Member
#12
Oct 7, 2012
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#12
morefaithrequired said:
too realistic? have i dampened your enthusiasm for marriage? 😁
Click to expand...
Not saying this specifically about you but we have to be careful when receiving information about marriage from people, because each couple is different. For some people it can be hard, for others it is a breeze. Certain factors can determine how much work it is or how much rest is involved, and just peace. It depends upon the couple, their maturity, and even the preparation of the Lord.

Some people choose to suffer. They don’t choose love. They are stuck in their old ways of thinking and they cause their spouse to suffer. It could take them years to change and God is faithful but this leads to a perception that marriage is hard work (for some people) but in actuality, the hard work is the person in a process of sanctification. Some people are more mature, have their character more developed, and so on (by the grace of God). Again, these factors determine the peace within the household.

You choose to have peace. If there isn’t peace it’s because you’ve chosen to be selfish. Even if your wife is in the wrong, as the man of the household (as the head even by the Lord’s hand and you in submission to His authority) it is your job to reconcile. Why? We are to love as Christ did. Did not the world sin against the Lord and yet He extended His hand to them? We are the peacemakers, as men. She did something wrong and is keeping her distance cause she knows it but doesn’t want to humble herself? Break the ice, forgive her, affirm her in your love.

The complications people face, the contention as God’s word describes it in Proverbs, is rooted in pride. Humble yourself, choose love. Choose peace. Why suffer?
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#13
Mar 26, 2014
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#13
Let us say that for most people feelings of love wax and wane and certainly the intensity can grow and diminish but the more important thing to understand is that the expression of love greatly grows and changes as the people and needs and wants in the relationship change. Love is not static, but ideally it is constant, even when it's of the I love you but I don't like you very much right now or I'm really ticked off variety. And yes as you get to know the person you love better you find more reasons for loving them as well as the disappointment and disillusionment that comes with them being human and not living up to your first idealized imaginings of them.

Perhaps the more relevant question is what is the purpose of the original question? If someone with all the answers to exactly how love stays the same and how it changes showed up and filled your head with all this knowledge, what difference would it make in your life?
 
BenFTW

BenFTW

Senior Member
#14
Oct 7, 2012
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#14
cinder said:
Let us say that for most people feelings of love wax and wane and certainly the intensity can grow and diminish but the more important thing to understand is that the expression of love greatly grows and changes as the people and needs and wants in the relationship change. Love is not static, but ideally it is constant, even when it's of the I love you but I don't like you very much right now or I'm really ticked off variety. And yes as you get to know the person you love better you find more reasons for loving them as well as the disappointment and disillusionment that comes with them being human and not living up to your first idealized imaginings of them.

Perhaps the more relevant question is what is the purpose of the original question? If someone with all the answers to exactly how love stays the same and how it changes showed up and filled your head with all this knowledge, what difference would it make in your life?
Click to expand...
I suppose expectations. But again, I find that a relationship is subjective and so uniquely tied to the individuals that it can be hard to define a common expectation. One commonality might be the stressors of having a child or children and coping.
 
G00WZ

G00WZ

Senior Member
#15
May 16, 2014
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#15
Love is love, but its the relation and investments that go deep.If i love i invest, and i focus on relation/likeness.
love is kind of black and white, it's just that simple i think. I also found that when i hate i am still investing negatively,
and instead of finding relation and likeness i do the opposite and find difference and disunion.

To me love is just the word used to support actions and investments in or to a relationship. The concept is unchanging,
but the investments in relation pile up over time and create a history.
 
BenFTW

BenFTW

Senior Member
#16
Oct 7, 2012
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#16
G00WZ said:
Love is love, but its the relation and investments that go deep.If i love i invest, and i focus on relation/likeness.
love is kind of black and white, it's just that simple i think. I also found that when i hate i am still investing negatively,
and instead of finding relation and likeness i do the opposite and find difference and disunion.

To me love is just the word used to support actions and investments in or to a relationship. The concept is unchanging,
but the investments in relation pile up over time and create a history.
Click to expand...
So the ways in which you express that love? 💕
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#18
Dec 15, 2018
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#18
interesting question, I dont really know the answer...but will try to make sense of it.

If you love someone with your whole heart, how can it be any deeper? what about loving someone with all your mind and all your soul and all your strength? as in the first commandment? some people forget these extra parts our being you can love with...although I havent heard of anyone love someone with all their toes and their hairs on their head...

The heart pumps blood all around the body so, Im sure it starts with the heart and goes outward.
 
BenFTW

BenFTW

Senior Member
#19
Oct 7, 2012
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#19
Lanolin said:
interesting question, I dont really know the answer...but will try to make sense of it.

If you love someone with your whole heart, how can it be any deeper? what about loving someone with all your mind and all your soul and all your strength? as in the first commandment? some people forget these extra parts our being you can love with...although I havent heard of anyone love someone with all their toes and their hairs on their head...

The heart pumps blood all around the body so, Im sure it starts with the heart and goes outward.
Click to expand...
From the heart, to the hands and feet. I like that! Love being expressed.
 
love_comes_softly

love_comes_softly

Well-known member
#20
Feb 13, 2019
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#20
Really interesting thread.

My initial thought is that love can always get or become deeper. I tend to naturally be slow and cautious when moving in a relationship, so love would grow.

On the other hand, I have an immediate love for my family members, but that too gets stronger with each day.

I do believe it can be different for different people.
 
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