Marriage help
- Thread starter damombomb
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Hi DMB...
The most important thing you can do is pray: ask God to intervene, to show you what you need to deal with/repent of, and what, if anything, to say to your husband. Jesus knows the whole situation and can direct your steps better than anyone.
For your own edification, find the series of videos with Patrick Doyle on TheDoveTV's YouTube channel. He's a Christian counselor with lots of relevant experience.
Do your best not to perpetuate the hostility. If you slip up, own it but don't grovel. A simple acknowledgement and brief apology are sufficient at this point.
The most important thing you can do is pray: ask God to intervene, to show you what you need to deal with/repent of, and what, if anything, to say to your husband. Jesus knows the whole situation and can direct your steps better than anyone.
For your own edification, find the series of videos with Patrick Doyle on TheDoveTV's YouTube channel. He's a Christian counselor with lots of relevant experience.
Do your best not to perpetuate the hostility. If you slip up, own it but don't grovel. A simple acknowledgement and brief apology are sufficient at this point.
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Praying for you damombomb! This is not easy to deal with, but you have the best person on your side to help you, the Lord. Trust the Lord to get you and your husband through this. Lean on Him to help you in showing your husband love, even when it's hard to do. Pray that the Lord help your husband and reveal what his issues are.
My dad always helps others and at points it comes before doing things at home. This was very hard for mum, but what helped her was that she realized he was depressed. His way of dealing with his feelings was to avoid them by helping others. She was able to pray for him and encourage him differently when she realized he wasn't avoiding her, but just dealing with an inward struggle. Things aren't always what they seem.
Praying for strength and discernment.
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If he is open to couples counseling that might be a good idea. Hopefully your pastor and direct you to a good place. I guess my advice for the issue you mention is to avoid asking him for help right after work. Give him a heads up of what you do need help with in advance when possible and help him notice the things you do to help him. It could be that his issue is really a problem at work or some other personal issue and you just happen to catch the wrath because you are closest to him.
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"When there is a noticeable change of a loved one, there are different reasons. It is essential
to talk over a concern with each other. Until the root problem is solved or confronted, relationship
is likely to deteriorate, leaving misery for all concerned. And, without fail, there are two sides to
every 'story'. A marriage works, only when BOTH work at it. It is with hope, that your lives find
a compatible answer and a solution. I pray God has a part in this family issue."
to talk over a concern with each other. Until the root problem is solved or confronted, relationship
is likely to deteriorate, leaving misery for all concerned. And, without fail, there are two sides to
every 'story'. A marriage works, only when BOTH work at it. It is with hope, that your lives find
a compatible answer and a solution. I pray God has a part in this family issue."
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Have you asked him why he is upset with you?
Men usually appreciate or enjoy it when their wives express genuine appreciation for them. The talking points we like may be a little different but telling him he looks good would still be a plus. What do you talk about with yim?
If you always tell him how he can improve as a husband, fatherm, provider, etc. and are giving him lists of chores to do then listening to him may feel like a chore to him. 'Uh oh, she is going to ask me to hang something or paint something after work again.'
Are you ever high strung or overly excotrd when ypu talk to him? Do you give him a chance to reply to you?
It could be a million ither things vit you can consider thing you can control. When he talks to you does he feel 23 respected, loved, and encouraged or overwhelmed?
Does he like physical intimacy? He might like to sincerely hear you offer that.
Men usually appreciate or enjoy it when their wives express genuine appreciation for them. The talking points we like may be a little different but telling him he looks good would still be a plus. What do you talk about with yim?
If you always tell him how he can improve as a husband, fatherm, provider, etc. and are giving him lists of chores to do then listening to him may feel like a chore to him. 'Uh oh, she is going to ask me to hang something or paint something after work again.'
Are you ever high strung or overly excotrd when ypu talk to him? Do you give him a chance to reply to you?
It could be a million ither things vit you can consider thing you can control. When he talks to you does he feel 23 respected, loved, and encouraged or overwhelmed?
Does he like physical intimacy? He might like to sincerely hear you offer that.
Please, everyone. Can we be a little more sympathetic? She's looking for an understanding ear and someone to confide in and most of you throw it back in her face and imply the blame must be with her. Sometimes God puts us in situations that we can't do a single thing to change just to show us how much we need Him.
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I am worried about people who say it only takes your faith to change your husband. God loves us so much, he gave us free will. That include's your husband as well. Unfortunately, he may never change. Still, faith is good to have. That said...
Every Christian needs to do four things in their life to move forward in the Lord. They are necessary and required by the Bible: 1. Prayer (daily), 2. meeting and fellowship with other believers (beyond Sunday, and with members of the same sex), 3. studying the scriptures (study full books and memorize versus so they are close to your heart), 4. sharing the Gospel, either through words or actions.
Are you doing these?
Keep in mind that you are also dealing with the free will of another person, as previously noted. And no matter how much faith you have, God is not going to force his will on your husband.
You should also be aware of warning signs that he has pulled closer to someone else. This could be a full blown affair or an emotional affair. Both are damaging to marriages.
I would recommend this book, which covers so much about relationships and divorce and getting closer to God.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1081739541?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860
Don't be afraid of the "divorce" word in the title. In it is a lot of good sound interpretation of scripture and advice for how to draw nearer to the lord. Know that he is drawing nearer to you right now.
By the way, I am where you are, broken hearted and learning to have a contrite spirit.
Sincerely, a brother in Christ.
Every Christian needs to do four things in their life to move forward in the Lord. They are necessary and required by the Bible: 1. Prayer (daily), 2. meeting and fellowship with other believers (beyond Sunday, and with members of the same sex), 3. studying the scriptures (study full books and memorize versus so they are close to your heart), 4. sharing the Gospel, either through words or actions.
Are you doing these?
Keep in mind that you are also dealing with the free will of another person, as previously noted. And no matter how much faith you have, God is not going to force his will on your husband.
You should also be aware of warning signs that he has pulled closer to someone else. This could be a full blown affair or an emotional affair. Both are damaging to marriages.
I would recommend this book, which covers so much about relationships and divorce and getting closer to God.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1081739541?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860
Don't be afraid of the "divorce" word in the title. In it is a lot of good sound interpretation of scripture and advice for how to draw nearer to the lord. Know that he is drawing nearer to you right now.
By the way, I am where you are, broken hearted and learning to have a contrite spirit.
Sincerely, a brother in Christ.
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L
Well everyone said pray, which is step one, step 2 is examine yourself. It could be not that it is but could be that you are a drain. It happens a lot that one pushes the other way by demanding, criticism, dismissal of interests and ideas. So I always ask a person in your situation to examine yourself honestly. Are you nagging, demanding, critical, emasculating, boring, unwilling to try new things, stuck in a personal rut, unable to laugh at jokes, and or your self?
Mind you this is not an accusation, I don't know you or your husband so I certainly can't say you are any of those things. I'm simply asking you to do an honest examination of yourself.
If your brave you could even ask him.
Mind you this is not an accusation, I don't know you or your husband so I certainly can't say you are any of those things. I'm simply asking you to do an honest examination of yourself.
If your brave you could even ask him.
K
So I know you're going to be angry with me for speaking up. But hey, never stopped me before. So here goes.
" but could be that you are a drain. It happens a lot that one pushes the other way by demanding, criticism, dismissal of interests and ideas. So I always ask a person in your situation to examine yourself honestly. Are you nagging, demanding, critical, emasculating, boring, unwilling to try new things, stuck in a personal rut, unable to laugh at jokes, and or your self?"
Is it just me or are the things in red a stereotype of women? I'm sure she's not perfect, but the marriage is having some issues where they probably need to talk to a pastor or counselor. A lot of issues in marriage is because couples don't know how to communicate when things get bumpy. A counselor helps a couple solve their issues, it's not about who's fault it is unless there is an abuse issue.
K
So I'm reading backwards and I'm going say the same as I said to you before. Now, I fully expect you'll block me, most people are so easily offended now days that they can't take disagreement.
"If you always tell him how he can improve as a husband, fatherm, provider, etc. and are giving him lists of chores to do then listening to him may feel like a chore to him. 'Uh oh, she is going to ask me to hang something or paint something after work again.'
Are you ever high strung or overly excotrd when ypu talk to him? Do you give him a chance to reply to you?"Does he like physical intimacy? He might like to sincerely hear you offer that.
Same thing I said above, stereotyping of women." Are you a nag? Well have sex with him and maybe then he'll listen." Sorry, that's not advice a pastor or counselor is going to give. Sex doesn't solve everything. Now, block away.
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