If only ..... singles conferences

[cinder]

So this started with a text from my pastor asking me if I'd be willing to do child care (for pay) for their 3 hour marriage mini-conference this weekend. Haven't decided on that yet, but what I really want to say is something like "yes, when you schedule a singles conference and we get equal time" And that got my brain whizzing about on what such a singles conference would be like. Soo....

If churches did such a thing as a singles conference (to equip single adults to have more meaningful and richer single lives).... what topics would you like to see discussed and addressed? What ideas / advice would you contribute if you were a speaker? What would be some of the worst topics or things that singles could be told?

 

[TamLynn]

I've found that when you're single many people figure you have tons of free time.
They feel that just because you don't have a family that you should be able to help out with... well... everything going on at church! Your sometimes expected to be at every event, support every out reach, etc.
Being single is a blessing in many ways but often people feel they are 'less' because they're single.
Embracing your singleness might be a good topic.

 

[love_comes_softly]

* Ways to deal with going against the expectations of society? Encouragement in that area. I feel fine about being "single", but the only time I ever question it is when I get people feeling bad or giving you the look.

* A heavy focus on a persons worth in Jesus

Honestly, if they were to have a singles conference, I'm not sure I'd attend, but I'd think time to just share and talk with people that are at the same place in life would be fun and encouraging.

 

[cinder]

I've found that when you're single many people figure you have tons of free time.
They feel that just because you don't have a family that you should be able to help out with... well... everything going on at church! Your sometimes expected to be at every event, support every out reach, etc.
Being single is a blessing in many ways but often people feel they are 'less' because they're single.
Embracing your singleness might be a good topic.

What exactly would embracing your singleness look like or consist of (that could be a whole different thread)? But along those lines I was thinking that talking about self care and how maybe singles need more of it or have to put more time into it because there's no family looking out for them and noticing when they're stressed or overworked and no influx of the good parts of family life as well as the shared work of it.

* Ways to deal with going against the expectations of society? Encouragement in that area. I feel fine about being "single", but the only time I ever question it is when I get people feeling bad or giving you the look.

* A heavy focus on a persons worth in Jesus

Honestly, if they were to have a singles conference, I'm not sure I'd attend, but I'd think time to just share and talk with people that are at the same place in life would be fun and encouraging.

Yes worth and value and what determines them and how Jesus can be the center is a great topic. And yes lots of encouragement in the areas of you're not the only weird one who .... well almost any area of obedience and character when it comes to dating and not treating other people like products for your entertainment and use.

But I understand what you mean, hearing singles conference almost conjures up visions of youth group abstinence lectures or a speed dating mixer type of thing rather than something to encourage singles to be single well.

 

[17Bees]

I think a topic for singles is that of acceptance. And not necessarily for the singles! I've read many many posts on CC and heard more conversations about how singles can "correct" their current situation. That there's something wrong with being single. A woman is seen as a spinster and a man is suspected of being gay in many cases. Cinder - your very opening line represented a kind of discrimination to someone who's single. Your pastor asked you if you'd watch the "real" family's children while they held an important conference for married people. If you weren't even tempered that could be considered a bit of a slap in the face. I've got aunts sitting around talking about me. They say "I've heard he doesn't have a girlfriend"...."and I've heard he still wears a size 32 pants" (gasp). So, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE. There's you a conference.

Equality? You asked why there can't be an equal time for a singles conference, but equality is essentially a pipe dream. It's something to feel victimized about. Something to place blame on, but in reality, equality is largely non existent. We might be born equal, but then it takes its different roads.

So, yeah. Acceptance. Taught to married's. We know all about its challenges.

 

[TamLynn]

What exactly would embracing your singleness look like or consist of (that could be a whole different thread)? But along those lines I was thinking that talking about self care and how maybe singles need more of it or have to put more time into it because there's no family looking out for them and noticing when they're stressed or overworked and no influx of the good parts of family life as well as the shared work of it.



Yes worth and value and what determines them and how Jesus can be the center is a great topic. And yes lots of encouragement in the areas of you're not the only weird one who .... well almost any area of obedience and character when it comes to dating and not treating other people like products for your entertainment and use.

But I understand what you mean, hearing singles conference almost conjures up visions of youth group abstinence lectures or a speed dating mixer type of thing rather than something to encourage singles to be single well.

I think part of embracing your singleness has to do with recognizing that even in this season, God can use you powerfully.
Singleness is a time of preparation for what is to come. This could be marriage, but not necessarily.
There's not a day ahead that God hasn't seen. If our hearts are fully committed to the Lord, we can be sure He will unfold His plans in His time.
The Bible tells us His word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. Our tells us nothing can separate is from the love of God.
How wonderful to know these promises are true for us whether we are single or married!

 

[TamLynn]

I think part of embracing your singleness has to do with recognizing that even in this season, God can use you powerfully.
Singleness is a time of preparation for what is to come. This could be marriage, but not necessarily.
There's not a day ahead that God hasn't seen. If our hearts are fully committed to the Lord, we can be sure He will unfold His plans in His time.
The Bible tells us His word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our path. Our tells us nothing can separate is from the love of God.
How wonderful to know these promises are true for us whether we are single or married!

I tried to edit this but the time expired. Please excuse the typos!

 

[zeroturbulence]

What would be some of the worst topics or things that singles could be told?

- Seek and you will find (don't just wait and pray)
- How to not get friend-zoned
- How to spot red flags
- How to tell if someone would be a good mate
- How to deal with breakups
- How to tell if someone likes you
- How to tell if someone isn't interested
- How to do a background check on someone (just kidding. maybe.)
- How to make a good sandwich

 

[cinder]

Singleness is a time of preparation for what is to come.

This is actually something I'd put under the things you shouldn't tell singles, because it reinforces the idea of you aren't qualified for real adult responsibilities while you're single, you're just waiting and preparing for your real life to begin. While I would say that when you're in your early 20's (which is when a whole lot of people are single) the whole preparation thing is true because of the stage of life you're in, that's an age thing much more than a marital status thing.

Cinder - your very opening line represented a kind of discrimination to someone who's single. Your pastor asked you if you'd watch the "real" family's children while they held an important conference for married people. If you weren't even tempered that could be considered a bit of a slap in the face. I've got aunts sitting around talking about me. They say "I've heard he doesn't have a girlfriend"...."and I've heard he still wears a size 32 pants" (gasp). So, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING SINGLE. There's you a conference.

Equality? You asked why there can't be an equal time for a singles conference, but equality is essentially a pipe dream. It's something to feel victimized about. Something to place blame on, but in reality, equality is largely non existent. We might be born equal, but then it takes its different roads.

So, yeah. Acceptance. Taught to married's. We know all about its challenges.

You could see it as discrimination against singles to ask them to fill in the gaps and serve at married people's events, but I don't see that as the major issue. I see that as part of what we should kind of be doing as the body of Christ and serving each other. So it makes sense to ask the singles to pitch in and help out with the behind the scenes stuff on events for married people that don't apply to them. But then the married people should also be asked to pitch in and help with behind the scenes stuff for single people only there is no stuff for single people and that's where I see the discrimination coming in.

But yeah the whole singleness isn't a problem that needs to be fixed, I'd love to hear that preached and spoken about more often. And singles sensitivity training for marrieds would be really nice too.

 

[Lynx]

BACKUP YOUR BACKUPS: How to put things in place in case critical systems fail. You don't have a spouse to lean on, so what do you do if your car breaks down? If you don't have Uber in your area you need to know how you will get to your job tomorrow. What if you fall ill and have to stay at the hospital, who will feed your dog or cat? We're in the age of automation, you could have an automated feeder already in place feeding them (and watering of course.)

SINGLE AIN'T BROKE: There's nothing wrong with being single. Stop believing you need to fix a problem.

TOLERANCE: Other people will have all kinds of notions about single folks. You can't change them all so you gotta learn to say "Bless their poor meddlesome hearts" and get on with life.

GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING: When you're single you have a lot of options. Use them. Time spent being upset because you are single is time wasted.


MARRIAGE MYTHS: Some things you hear about it aren't true. People live facebook lives, covering up the unpleasant aspects. If you do get married you have a lot of problems to look out for. (Need a subsection here on how that's not something that should scare you away from marriage, just something to be aware of...) Also a solid biblical debunking of the "God has somebody in store for you" myth. There is a whole seminar here alone.

...

...

...

Okay that's enough for now. I could talk a whole three-day seminar on the topic.

 

[zeroturbulence]

..

What would be some of the worst topics or things that singles could be told?

Oh I didn't see that it said 'worst' topics. I just meant topics that should be discussed.

 

[TamLynn]

This is actually something I'd put under the things you shouldn't tell singles, because it reinforces the idea of you aren't qualified for real adult responsibilities while you're single, you're just waiting and preparing for your real life to begin. While I would say that when you're in your early 20's (which is when a whole lot of people are single) the whole preparation thing is true because of the stage of life you're in, that's an age thing much more than a marital status thing.



You could see it as discrimination against singles to ask them to fill in the gaps and serve at married people's events, but I don't see that as the major issue. I see that as part of what we should kind of be doing as the body of Christ and serving each other. So it makes sense to ask the singles to pitch in and help out with the behind the scenes stuff on events for married people that don't apply to them. But then the married people should also be asked to pitch in and help with behind the scenes stuff for single people only there is no stuff for single people and that's where I see the discrimination coming in.

But yeah the whole singleness isn't a problem that needs to be fixed, I'd love to hear that preached and spoken about more often. And singles sensitivity training for marrieds would be really nice too.

I don't see it that way at all, but I understand how someone could take it like that.
I think as believers this is always happening.
Everything that God allows to come our way can be used to prepare us, refine us, encourage us, direct us, redirect us and perhaps discipline us. 😀

 

[cinder]

BACKUP YOUR BACKUPS: How to put things in place in case critical systems fail. You don't have a spouse to lean on, so what do you do if your car breaks down? If you don't have Uber in your area you need to know how you will get to your job tomorrow. What if you fall ill and have to stay at the hospital, who will feed your dog or cat? We're in the age of automation, you could have an automated feeder already in place feeding them (and watering of course.)

All good ideas but I especially loved this one because it's one of those things a lot of people don't automatically think about. And then there's the subset of needing to bring help in if you want to rearrange furniture and move stuff around.

 

[cinder]

..

Oh I didn't see that it said 'worst' topics. I just meant topics that should be discussed.

That makes your post make a lot more sense as I expected everything listed to be stuff you were serious about wishing had been discussed more when you were younger, but then I also think that talking about only dating at a singles event is one of the worst things you could do. But I have to admit that to ignore it entirely does seem incomplete.

 

[Hamarr]

Gotta love married people thinking singles have nothing happening in their lives.

Hmmm... worst topics for a conference like this would be making it all focused on the usual unhelpful churchianity stuff you see. Season of singleness, waiting on the one to fall into your lap, etc.

I guess the things I would want out of a conference like that would be ways of networking with other singles. Most churches don't do well with this sort of thing, so maybe teaching people how to set up their own get togethers, Bible studies and that sort of thing. Also, ways to get involved in the ministry in alternative ways. Maybe these could be combined. Running a singles ministry not affiliated with other churches.

Oh, and at least for men, discipleship. Practical advice for guys that grew up without male role models. Guidance for dating, careers and that sort of thing. Women could probably use this too, but I think this is something guys are generally really in need of nowadays.

 

[LittleMermaid]

I think the most awful thing you could tell a single person is something like "don't worry, the right man/woman will come soon! God is preparing you right now for him/her." The problem with this is, what if that person just never comes? There will be many that won't find a spouse.
I think a good singles conference could be about...

Focusing on heavenly things instead of earthly ones
Finding complete contentment in the Lord
Learning how to be okay with yourself as a single
Seeking new ways to serve
Changing your perspective (instead of feeling sad that you don't have a family, you could focus on how you have a little more freedom to do things you would like to do, aka hobbies!)

 

[Subhumanoidal]

I don't see it that way at all, but I understand how someone could take it like that.
I think as believers this is always happening.
Everything that God allows to come our way can be used to prepare us, refine us, encourage us, direct us, redirect us and perhaps discipline us. 😀

I agree with cinder. So much time and effort is put into telling singles "your time to finally no longer be single is coming, be patient" rather than dealing with where they are Now.
Once the church stops treating singles as nothing more than in waiting to be married then singles in church will continue to have problems.
Why not encourage a single in the present rather than keep telling them to wait for what's ahead?

 

[Lynx]

OBJECTIVES: A course focused on helping you focus on what you want your life to be, and your end-goals.

The reason this would be an important course is a lot of people forget to identify their objectives when they measure the success of their own lives. They default to the common standards of money, authority and family to determine whether their lives are successful - how much do I have, how high up the corporate ladder have I climbed and whether I have a wife and 2.6 kids in a nice suburban house.

And those things are nice, useful in life. But many forget those things only measure success relative to certain very specific goals, and many forget there are other objectives in life. Some people may have completely different objectives. And to those who accept money, authority and wife-and-kids as general measurements of a person's success in life, those people with alternate life goals may look like total failures.

Speaking of which, this course also needs a subsection on how to determine which advice from other people is useful relative to your goals, which advice is useless and which advice actively opposes your goals. Lots of people give lots of advice all the time, and all their advice is based on each advice giver's view of "this is how you do life right." If you follow it all you wind up with a mess, and if you ignore it all you make all the mistakes you could have avoided. You have to learn how to choose the advice that fits your objectives.

 

[Lynx]

*Lynx rereads the book he just wrote...

I think I just applied to teach that OBJECTIVES course. :-/

 

[TamLynn]

I agree with cinder. So much time and effort is put into telling singles "your time to finally no longer be single is coming, be patient" rather than dealing with where they are Now.
Once the church stops treating singles as nothing more than in waiting to be married then singles in church will continue to have problems.
Why not encourage a single in the present rather than keep telling them to wait for what's ahead?

I've never felt in any church I've attended or visited that they treated me as ' nothing more than in waiting to be married'.
Whether we're married or single, it's our responsibly to put our hope and trust in Christ, read the Scriptures and be encouraged by what God has said to us, who He says we are in Him and what He has in store for us.
Other than that, what could one say to you that would encourage you in the present? (I think whatever it is might just encourage someone single or married 😀 )

I'll have to go back and reread my posts, but I don't think I mentioned anything about waiting to get married.
I did say that in each season we go through, God is preparing us for what's ahead. I don't believe that necessarily means marriage. That's up to God, and His plans for us.