I hate to say this, but let her learn this lesson the hard way. Sooner or later she'll figure out she's being used. She needs to grow up, smarten up and leave this other dude alone.
Wife gets pregnant, now wants to leave me.
- Thread starter Ottotheotter
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It all starts with a right relationship with Christ. Both husband and wife must have a commitment to Christ if they are to commit to one another. It appears that resolution to this matter will only be achieved when both hearts are right with Christ. Being religious is not enough. A genuine personal relationship with Christ is required. Find a counselor that knows the difference between religion and genuine faith in Christ.
For the cause of Christ
Roger
You are missing the main point. She has betrayal issues and other serious character deficiencies.
The OP is very correct to be gravely concerned.
Prayer is needed.
I can't say I "ignored it" exactly, and I was not happy either. I honestly couldn't believe it. She was NEVER like this before, and after 10 years together, a son, and 6 months of marriage that happen. I am not the kind of guy to just "take it" at all, I'm much more the fly of the handle in anger kind of person, still am only now am under His power I can see it more clearly and hold it back more often. I am by no means saying to just let things slide, or pretend to be fine. Just let her know how bad she is messing up, how she has a guy right here that WANTS her, and some unknown is worth risking everything? Let her know how betrayed you feel, and let her know that what ever she thinks this is going to "fix", it won't. Things will continue to suck no matter who she's with or where she runs. Let these things be known as cool and calmly as possible and keep doing what you do daily. Tell her the truth of the whole situation, you love her, and are willing to work through this with her, but if she is already speaking of divorce, man that's crazy. This is something you have to trust God in, because how she feels is out of your control. Hang in there as long as possible man, and I am praying for you.I would do the whole me or him.. But tbh she has no where to go. Also I'm just trying to get her not to file for a divorce now.
But how long did you wait with your wife talking to another man? How did you keep being a good husband without going crazy.. It's been hard.. The other day I got up at 630 to wash her dirty car and help around the house.. Then texted her a nice message and she just ignored it
Thanks, I'm going to fight to stay married until I can't fight no more
Amen brother, these things are worth fighting for. Has this ever been an issue before? Is this out of character for her? If you guys were just married she may be feeling confined or something.
We have been married two years.. Tbh she has gotten better, when we were dating she would have episodes (not cheating) but times where she said crazy things that were not her... Then after being married about once every 3 months she would have 1 day where she was like that but less often... Her biological sister's life is a mess and they have recently been talking and I think that brought up some of her past that might have triggered this. She is also very dependent on my normally, she comes across as dependent but totally not once you get to know her. Right now I am working on not waking her up when she is sleeping, and not saying negative things. Praying tonight she will be more willing to hang out. Last night was hard and I had to exit myself from the room since she was being rude
This guy is trouble. Don't see how the guy is going to move to where you are seeing as he has no job and probably no car either.I know her and this guy would never work out.. But I don't want her to divorce me, then realize what she has lost.. Just been keeping to books and prayer... She plans on living with me for a while after the baby.. She won't be able to afford her own place... This guy claims he is moving here after our divorce so he is pushing her for it
Really, no need to nitpick the guy or question his faith, especially what he is going through. His wife is the one who needs the counseling with him there for support..
Maybe her hormones are out of whack due to the pregnancy.
A
AuntieAnt
Guest
You said: “She has had a rough past with 20 plus foster homes. I personally think her issues are with her past or pregnancy hormones.”
You said it right, it’s her past trauma and on top of that, her pregnancy hormones have kicked her into mood swings, possibly manic depression.
20+ foster homes? Dear God, that’s horrible for a child to be shipped around from house to house like an unwanted pet. I’m pretty certain she’s got mental health issues due to that and possibly experiencing dissociation (lack of identity). That's a scary place to be. This online guy easily recognized her vulnerability, has quickly groomed her with sweet romantic words (lies), and is stringing her along like a puppet for his own pleasure. Because she is deeply wounded and numb inside, his passionate flattery makes her feel alive for the time being. She is being set up for a disastrous heartbreaking fall. She needs Jesus Christ to heal her.
Whether or not you should endure this toxic relationship right now is between you and God. In the meantime, boundaries will have to be set. If not, there’s no reason for her to change. You can’t keep sacrificing your life if she isn’t willing to take some responsibility and compromise, too. Don’t be a rug, you must trust God and stand on what is right and good for you and your family. Lean on the Lord and follow Him closely.
Your wife needs mental health counseling for certain. She will continue to be unhappy throughout her life, looking for anything and anyone to fill up what's lacking, until she finds her true identity in Christ Jesus. No man’s love can heal those deep emotional and mental wounds. As her husband, you can assure her that you love her and will stand by her as long as she gets help and makes an effort to turn from this other guy.
I suggest you get wise spiritual counseling in order to make a plan of action for yourself and for your family. Most importantly, ask God to reveal to you what to do step by step. I pray that you listen to the Holy Spirit and keep close to the Lord, trusting Him. I pray a miracle for you & your household in Jesus’ name. Blessings of grace to you!
You said it right, it’s her past trauma and on top of that, her pregnancy hormones have kicked her into mood swings, possibly manic depression.
20+ foster homes? Dear God, that’s horrible for a child to be shipped around from house to house like an unwanted pet. I’m pretty certain she’s got mental health issues due to that and possibly experiencing dissociation (lack of identity). That's a scary place to be. This online guy easily recognized her vulnerability, has quickly groomed her with sweet romantic words (lies), and is stringing her along like a puppet for his own pleasure. Because she is deeply wounded and numb inside, his passionate flattery makes her feel alive for the time being. She is being set up for a disastrous heartbreaking fall. She needs Jesus Christ to heal her.
Whether or not you should endure this toxic relationship right now is between you and God. In the meantime, boundaries will have to be set. If not, there’s no reason for her to change. You can’t keep sacrificing your life if she isn’t willing to take some responsibility and compromise, too. Don’t be a rug, you must trust God and stand on what is right and good for you and your family. Lean on the Lord and follow Him closely.
Your wife needs mental health counseling for certain. She will continue to be unhappy throughout her life, looking for anything and anyone to fill up what's lacking, until she finds her true identity in Christ Jesus. No man’s love can heal those deep emotional and mental wounds. As her husband, you can assure her that you love her and will stand by her as long as she gets help and makes an effort to turn from this other guy.
I suggest you get wise spiritual counseling in order to make a plan of action for yourself and for your family. Most importantly, ask God to reveal to you what to do step by step. I pray that you listen to the Holy Spirit and keep close to the Lord, trusting Him. I pray a miracle for you & your household in Jesus’ name. Blessings of grace to you!
A trial separation might be helpful. She's obviously taking you for granted and disregards your feelings, she may need a psychiatrist. Love is a 2 way street, but your traveling down a one way road. Letting her go might be hard, but it could be best in the long run. It takes 2 to make a marriage work, but only one to ruin it. She's pregnant and got a plane ticket to go see some bum! Tell her flat out that if she see's him or continues communicating with him, your gone... And mean it. She knows your patient and will do anything to make your marriage work. Your being played my friend. She's obviously one horse shy of a merry-go-round, but if she won't see a shrink, you can't fix it, and it will probably only get worse... jmo
I agree with this SO much, but have to testify that it does not always start this way, and sadly I would have to bet that most do not start in Christ. I know He's blessed me with seeing the same relationship start with both as nonbelievers, having our first son be the ring bearer at our own wedding, to having one where one believes and is SAVED (her), while the other (me) was not, then one was saved while I "thought" I was saved. Then God blessed my wife with showing His power through me by transforming me SO radically right in front of her eyes in a way that can be seen as nothing but a miracle to us. This woman has been by my side for more of our lives than we were not, she knew me better than anyone on this planet, and saw me go from broken, hopeless, faithless, and wanting nothing but death, to "LIFE" overnight. It's making my cry right now because all I did was give up. It was Him that put the life back in me, and I want nothing but to glorify Him in word and deed until I die. With this woman He blessed me with. So I can now testify of the truth of your statement, that two joined together in Christ is the only way to true joy, in anything we do not just marriage. If I could make any point I would want it to be that this is worth fighting for with all you have.
That's it, the more you work through together the stronger your bond will become, but Otto, brother, you have to stand in Him even when it hurts, He will lead you, but keep seeking the way you are, it's when we follow Him that we are blessed. This is faith, and it can get hard, but I love where your heart is and say keep representing Christ like that, the best you can, but knowing all we can do is control our own actions, not theirs.
G
Godsgirl83
Guest
Otto, THAT'S A BIG STEP. Leaving a room when things get tough rather than saying something you will later regret. So thumbs up to you.
I have been hesitant to post anything because I do not want to give you an "answer" for the sake of answering and do not want to just offer my 2 cents worth on a VERY INTIMATE PERSONAL ISSUE that I know little about. I'm going to say something that will make MANY women's eyes and heads roll
BUT I DON'T CARE! God made MAN (MALE) to be head over woman. We women NEED our husbands headship! (another topic for another post, so ladies PLEASE DON'T START on me in this thread) I encourage you to heed to advice that has been giving by previous replies, focus on your relationship with Christ. You're about to be a DADDY! Regardless of what your wife chooses to do, that baby is going to NEED YOU (wife and mom speaking here). Because you can say all the good you want, but children truly DO LEARN BY EXAMPLE. ( *SIDENOTE*Pregnancy hormones (and all that goes with it after the birth.......) can really mess a woman up. And while that's happening to us, we often don't realize it, or we do but don't know how or where to get help. If she's already emotionally unstable, these hormones are not going to help.... I don't say this to scare you, but rather to let you know what your "in for", so it doesn't come as total shock and so that you may be prepared.)
You sound like you are making wise choices and seeking Christian help. Even she doesn't go, don't give up! If YOU need the support, go get it! There are A LOT of people here praying for you too! (There are good married men on this site, I pray they reach out be it here or privately) STAND FIRM! GROW WITH GOD! YOU ARE A GOOD MAN!
Prayers and Blessings!
GG
Otto, THAT'S A BIG STEP. Leaving a room when things get tough rather than saying something you will later regret. So thumbs up to you.
I have been hesitant to post anything because I do not want to give you an "answer" for the sake of answering and do not want to just offer my 2 cents worth on a VERY INTIMATE PERSONAL ISSUE that I know little about. I'm going to say something that will make MANY women's eyes and heads roll
( *SIDENOTE*Pregnancy hormones (and all that goes with it after the birth.......) can really mess a woman up. And while that's happening to us, we often don't realize it, or we do but don't know how or where to get help. If she's already emotionally unstable, these hormones are not going to help.... I don't say this to scare you, but rather to let you know what your "in for", so it doesn't come as total shock and so that you may be prepared.)
You sound like you are making wise choices and seeking Christian help. Even she doesn't go, don't give up! If YOU need the support, go get it! There are A LOT of people here praying for you too! (There are good married men on this site, I pray they reach out be it here or privately) STAND FIRM! GROW WITH GOD! YOU ARE A GOOD MAN!
Prayers and Blessings!
GG
Thanks for the encouraging reply. Yesterday I wrote rules for engagement with talking with my wife so I focus on saying things I won't regret... That part is tough... She still hasn't signed up for the councilor yet, my pastor suggested I call and go myself which I will do today... I am excited to be a dad, just there has been sad moments instead of happy ones
I am going to focus on keeping strong with christ so after whatever happens the child will have at least one good Christian influence. I have so many questions like, why me? , why doesn't she love me? How can she not see past this guys fake love? Why won't she reach out for help from anyone? ... I know I just need to stay strong and be there for there even though she doesn't want to spend a minute with me. For mothers day I have planned a day to do things she likes and I think she agreed to come for now... Praying that day she can remember that I'm fun and she has a good time. Thanks for the encouragement and keep us in your prayers as she is still a good Christian women, just not acting like it right now.
G
Godsgirl83
Guest
Sometimes when we are hurting or doing things we know we shouldn't the guilt and shame get so strong, rather thanrun into the arms of love, we become more ashamed and guilty we run deeper into what is causing it.It becomes a vicious cycle! I cannot answer the "why me, does she love me" questions. I can tell you from my own personal (recent) experiences that I had some of the same questions regarding my husband (different circumstances, but painful just the same). What I learned from the Lord was that it wasn't me or anything I had/hadn't done, it wasn't my "fault". I HAD a choice and I HAD to make it! He could either see the changes and follow, or sit in his own misery never getting results ( I would hate to see that, but you can not make a person change)I could go on badgering him over why he was doing these things (which only made him worse and do more.......) OR I could just overlook (as much as humanly possible) and love him anyway. Truth be told, I actually started loving him MORE (past the romanticThanks for the encouraging reply. Yesterday I wrote rules for engagement with talking with my wife so I focus on saying things I won't regret... That part is tough... She still hasn't signed up for the councilor yet, my pastor suggested I call and go myself which I will do today... I am excited to be a dad, just there has been sad moments instead of happy ones
I loves you's because at that point I really didn't) I started learning to love with a Jesus kind of love... no matter what. It has HELPED. Keep STANDING!
Prayers & Blessings!
I honestly don't think you're in a "why me" situation. Honestly I don't think you have much to do with this happening. This same thing would be happening to ANYONE. This is 100% a "her" problem, and until she can sit down and face it all in truth she will continue chasing a deception. You have to be the TRUTH in this situation, just keep dealing with it in truth, with our Lord, the TRUTH, Jesus our Christ. I love you brother and am praying steady. God is good brother, and uses EVERYTHING to grow us. I can't tell you why it's happening, but I can tell you I thank God every day for the accident that took the function from my arm. He uses everything for His glory and you can trust Him no matter how it works out.Thanks for the encouraging reply. Yesterday I wrote rules for engagement with talking with my wife so I focus on saying things I won't regret... That part is tough... She still hasn't signed up for the councilor yet, my pastor suggested I call and go myself which I will do today... I am excited to be a dad, just there has been sad moments instead of happy ones
I would have her evaluated for mental illness. Often times this manifests in young women in their 20's, and the stress of pregnancy on the body can be a trigger. If she is healthy, then leave it with God. Focus yourself on Him, and let Him work on her in His time.
It sounds almost like he is using witchcraft on her, if he is from another country it could very well be possible. It is admirable that you still love her, she is blessed beyond measure and does not even have a clue, it would be nice if you could fast forward a few years , because by then most likely truth would have set in and she would know by then that this man is not what she thought he was but unfortunately you are not afforded that luxury. I think it might be a good idea to talk to his mother, surely she would not condone his behavior? And she might be able to exert some pressure on him to straighten up and fly right. You sir are an earth angel, if I ever heard of one, and one of a kind, I pray for your sake that she comes to her senses before your patience wears out, any woman of substance would be delighted to have you. I would suggest fasting on your part, especially since you still love her. Fasting breaks the yoke of bondage. Blessings and peace to you.
I wanted to say too, that due to her past issues she is very vunerable, to satans enticement and he zeros in on anyone that has a weakness, (hers is obvious) she has no idea how to fight what she is feeling at the moment, and needs you to intercede for her, she has no parental cover, no close examples of what is expected of marriage, no strong foundation to back her up, and most likely no strong biblical foundation either, her foundation is like sand, and the bible tells us what happens with such a foundation, she is flailing around trying to find something or someone to cling to, and satans plant looks good at the moment because that is what satan does, steal, kill and destroy, but your love is greater than all his power, and you will win if you can hang on now, this is the roughest part ,once she sees and understands the God kind of love, the rest will be easy.