What Do Men REALLY Mean When They Say, "God Made Men Visual"?

[seoulsearch]

Hey Everyone,

We had a recent discussion about what women really mean when they say they're looking for a man to be a good provider, which was actually meant to explore the stereotype that women are only out for money.

Now it's time to check out the flip side and take a look at the counter-stereotype, that men are are only out for sex.

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard men say, "God made men visual!" But what exactly does that mean? Maybe I've just had bad experiences with this phrase, but I tend to brace myself every time I hear it, because the only way I've heard it used was as an excuse:

* (From the boyfriend who was printing out porn from the internet) -- "Boys will be boys. After all, God made us visual... no big deal."

* The profile of a guy on a Christian dating site who wrote that he was only interested in talking to "former cheerleaders, gymnasts, and women with slim, athletic bodies, because God made men visual." I'll at least give this guy points for theoretically posting an honest picture, because he was clearly at least 50 pounds overweight and had a very obvious, protruding double chin.

I wanted to write and ask him, "If God made men visual, do you think that He made women blind?"

Please note--I'm not shaking my head over the fact that he was overweight--almost everyone has struggles in that area. But what had me questioning his statement that "God made men visual" is that he clearly believed he had a God-given right to expect standards in a partner that he clearly did not meet himself.

* Another dating profile on the same Christian site in which a guy stated, "If you're the kind of girl that everyone says has a great personality, don't bother writing me. God made men visual, and so I need an exceptionally beautiful wife."

I admit that this statement about God making men visual has always made me cringe because I've never heard it said in any other context.

And so, I'm asking all the fellas (and the ladies, and everyone else) to enlighten a sister and tell us what it REALLY means when men say that God made them visual. I've given some of my own interpretations in the poll (which is anonymous and multiple choice,) but please feel free to write in your own answers as well.

I should also write a disclaimer in that I am NOT trying to bash men AT ALL, and am hoping to have a respectful discussion of a phrase I might very well be misunderstanding.

I'm not arguing that God didn't make men visual. But what I would argue is that God didn't make this as an excuse for sinful choices or a means by which to demand qualities that one does not qualify for. And I realize that not every guy who says this has bad intentions in mind.

Is there actually a positive way of looking at such a commonly-made statement?

(And for any guy who would tell me that God made men visual, I would have to counter that with, "God made women emotional.") If I would ever marry again, he would have to be someone who would already understand that just as a man would expect his visual/physical needs in marriage, he would be just as dedicated to meeting the emotional needs of his wife.)

But I could very well be wrong.

What are YOUR thoughts on the statement that "God Made Men Visual?"

 

[JustEli]

I wanted to write and ask him, "If God made men visual, do you think that He made women blind?"

hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!

 

[JustEli]

I suppose we are all "visual" to a certain extent. But to use it as an excuse is uncalled for, and pathetic.
Sure I love beautiful women, yet if honesty, fidelity, so on and so forth is absent, the beauty can really lose
its charm in short order.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

As usual the term is rather subjective in it's intent. To some they may feel it justifies a shallow approach to women or lust (as demonstrated in your post) or to others it may be a reminder that men tend to be more aware of appearance and thus can be more prone to letting themselves be affected by it.
But, as a man, I'd say that does not mean it is an excuse to be shallow or lustful. There is nothing to say you cannot choose to keep it in check, or minimize it. Much like how women may tend to look for financial security in a man are able to work against this temporal notion as well.
I'm aware that i favor (subjectively) physically attractive women, over those i don't find attractive. But i'm also aware of wanting a woman who has more to offer than just looks. It really comes down to if a man wants to make an excuse to be shallow, he'll use that to justify his existing actions. If a man's focus isn't on there it's likely a term you won't often here from him because he has nothing to justify.

 

[Hamarr]

I wasn't sure what to vote for. Maybe I will vote later...

So this is something I have been wondering since reading Just For Men/Just For Women. The author and some of the people she mentions discussing this wife were a bit shocked that men recall visual images they had seen and can "see" it in their mind. They mentioned, for instance, agreeing that a man was attractive without necessarily visualizing the whoever it was they were talking about. I'm not sure how common this is in women.

There was also an episode on testosterone on NPR's This American Life. One of the people being interviewed was a lady who was transitioning to a man. He/she was taking large amounts of testosterone and was shocked of how often sexual imagery would flash by throughout the day. It's hard for me to believe women aren't drawn to other visually, even if not as much so as men. Christians often have this way of trying to make it seem like women have no sex drive.

I'm definitely visually stimulated, and have had issues looking at porn in the past. Me being visual is not an excuse for it, though. Porn's an interesting problem. Even secular books I read and some of the men's groups I belong to are advocating getting away from it. Not even from a moral standpoint, but a physiological one. It can be addictive for sure. There are problems with younger people men with things like impotence from consuming too much of it. Dr Robert Glover recommends not fantasizing at all to get away from needing to see porn star bodies to get turned on, and other reasons.

EDIT - I can't really pick any of the poll options except for the last. This is a good topic, but the choices are a bit too loaded for me.

 

[Dino246]

A few thoughts...

"Deserve" has no place in the discussion. None of us "deserves" anything in particular in the realm of relationships.
"Need" is overused and poorly applied more often than it is used properly. It usually needs an "if" preceding it.
"Want", "prefer" and "am attracted to...", where honest, are legitimate.

Stereotypes exist because they exemplify fairly common realities, even though those realities may be unpleasant. In general, men prefer slender, younger, 'pretty" women. In general, women prefer taller, athletic, confident, successful men. People who don't fit those profiles are going to receive less attention from the other gender. That doesn't relegate them to perpetual singleness; it just means they may need to focus on doing their best with what they have, build up other assets, and trust the matter to God more diligently than those who have it "easy".

To answer the question, yes, I think that "visual" attractiveness is more important to men than it is to women. Whether that is God's design, or a result of our fallen state, I don't know, but I suspect it's both.

 

[Hamarr]

I forgot to reply to the expectations part. I would agree with Dino246 that no one deserves anything in a relationship. I’m guessing if the men are as delusional as they sound, they probably aren’t having much success?

I have seen profiles of extremely overweight women who think they should be dating someone who looks like Brad Pitt. I’m not sure how common that is compared to what you see with guys, though.

I would still like to meet someone I am attracted to, but I don’t have any expectations that I am going to date someone who looks like a model or something. Especially not while I have so much to work on myself. Lol.

 

[Didymous]

God made men with two eyes, so in that sense, God made us visual. He also made men with a brain, so in that sense, God made us to become intelligent and gain some common sense. Sadly, many of us will never acquire one, or the other, or both.
To use a tired cliché as an excuse to act like a horny teenager is sad.

 

[seoulsearch]

I want to apologize to everyone here, particularly the guys, in that I know both my original post and the poll answers are steeped in my own negative feelings about this particular stereotype. I should have found a way to write it from a more neutral perspective, and I'm sorry for not doing a very good job at that.

Many thanks to all the great guys here who have given this thread the benefit of the doubt! I'm actually quite happy to read that some of the guys don't know what to choose in this poll, because almost all the answers are pretty disheartening (from a woman's point of view, at least.)

Hamarr, you also make a good point about some women thinking they should have someone who is, uh, perhaps a bit out of their league as well.

This is another thread idea I've thought about posting in the future: the fact that, in the churches I've grown up in at least, a good (or good-looking) man in church seems to turn some women into a pack of snarling dogs, all trying to take each other out in order to try to claim the apparently uber rare male specimen for herself. This is why I've spent my entire life trying to avoid crushing on men that all the other women wanted--I was pretty sure I'd be ripped from limb to limb if I ever tried! But, that's another topic for a different thread.

I'm also glad to hear the acknowledgment that women respond to visual cues as well.

Going back to the story in the original post about the guy who was printing out porn--it was around the year 2001, before everyone was carrying phones, so I have no idea why he felt the need to print those pictures out (he had a stack high enough to wallpaper his room) instead of just having them on his computer. He had them out in plain sight, and just glancing at them made me feel insecure and pretty horrible, but he brushed it off as something completely normal that he had a right to. But, he claimed to be a devout Christian and include some kind of prayer-like acknowledgement ("Thank you for this day, Lord,") during his conversations.

I'm not exactly the type of girl who can just stay quiet and be good while have her feelings continually hurt and ignored, so in the back of my mind, I was formulating a plan.

Everyone has insecurities, and I knew what all of his were. He was particularly insecure about a certain facial feature, and so I had decided that I was going to start cutting out pictures from magazines showcasing male models with presumably perfect versions of that feature. So let's say that this boyfriend was totally insecure about his smile (that wasn't what he was insecure about, but I'm using that as an example.)

At that time, companies like Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger were churning out all kinds of ads with male models, fully clothed, with plenty of perfect smiles. I was going to cut out every single picture I could find and start leaving them everywhere--in his room, in his car, at my house, tucked into the pockets of his jacket... All with gleaming, flawless smiles that were all bright and straight...

Because I wanted him to know what it was like having to catch glimpses of pictures that made me really dislike myself all the time.

Fortunately, we broke up before I was actually able to carry that out. But I sure would have if it had continued. (I'm not saying that was the right thing to do at all. I'm basically confessing the wrong thing I would choose to do if ever in that situation again.)

And, from all the little tidbits I share here in these threads, it should be pretty obvious as to why I'm single.

Anyways... Sorry for the little detour. Now it's time to go back to our regularly-scheduled discussion.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Here's what I have heard: Men are visual, which means men are attracted when they see a beautiful woman. Women are audible, which means women are not attracted when they see a handsome man, they're only attracted when they hear he's got money.

 

[seoulsearch]

Here's what I have heard: Men are visual, which means men are attracted when they see a beautiful woman. Women are audible, which means women are not attracted when they see a handsome man, they're only attracted when they hear he's got money.

Lol.

Zero, and if I got paid a dollar for every time you say that women are only out for money, I could buy a new car. 🙄

 

[Didymous]

I want to apologize to everyone here, particularly the guys, in that I know both my original post and the poll answers are steeped in my own negative feelings about this particular stereotype. I should have found a way to write it from a more neutral perspective, and I'm sorry for not doing a very good job at that.

Many thanks to all the great guys here who have given this thread the benefit of the doubt! I'm actually quite happy to read that some of the guys don't know what to choose in this poll, because almost all the answers are pretty disheartening (from a woman's point of view, at least.)

Hamarr, you also make a good point about some women thinking they should have someone who is, uh, perhaps a bit out of their league as well.

This is another thread idea I've thought about posting in the future: the fact that, in the churches I've grown up in at least, a good (or good-looking) man in church seems to turn some women into a pack of snarling dogs, all trying to take each other out in order to try to claim the apparently uber rare male specimen for herself. This is why I've spent my entire life trying to avoid crushing on men that all the other women wanted--I was pretty sure I'd be ripped from limb to limb if I ever tried! But, that's another topic for a different thread.

I'm also glad to hear the acknowledgment that women respond to visual cues as well.

Going back to the story in the original post about the guy who was printing out porn--it was around the year 2001, before everyone was carrying phones, so I have no idea why he felt the need to print those pictures out (he had a stack high enough to wallpaper his room) instead of just having them on his computer. He had them out in plain sight, and just glancing at them made me feel insecure and pretty horrible, but he brushed it off as something completely normal that he had a right to. But, he claimed to be a devout Christian and include some kind of prayer-like acknowledgement ("Thank you for this day, Lord,") during his conversations.

I'm not exactly the type of girl who can just stay quiet and be good while have her feelings continually hurt and ignored, so in the back of my mind, I was formulating a plan.

Everyone has insecurities, and I knew what all of his were. He was particularly insecure about a certain facial feature, and so I had decided that I was going to start cutting out pictures from magazines showcasing male models with presumably perfect versions of that feature. So let's say that this boyfriend was totally insecure about his smile (that wasn't what he was insecure about, but I'm using that as an example.)

At that time, companies like Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger were churning out all kinds of ads with male models, fully clothed, with plenty of perfect smiles. I was going to cut out every single picture I could find and start leaving them everywhere--in his room, in his car, at my house, tucked into the pockets of his jacket... All with gleaming, flawless smiles that were all bright and straight...

Because I wanted him to know what it was like having to catch glimpses of pictures that made me really dislike myself all the time.

Fortunately, we broke up before I was actually able to carry that out. But I sure would have if it had continued. (I'm not saying that was the right thing to do at all. I'm basically confessing the wrong thing I would choose to do if ever in that situation again.)

And, from all the little tidbits I share here in these threads, it should be pretty obvious as to why I'm single.

Anyways... Sorry for the little detour. Now it's time to go back to our regularly-scheduled discussion.

Yep. Many men are intimidated by a strong woman, and it sounds like you are that!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Lol.

Zero, and if I got paid a dollar for every time you said women are only out for money, I could buy a new car. 🙄

I didn't say it. I got it from Lily Tomlin.

 

[Hamarr]

I want to apologize to everyone here, particularly the guys, in that I know both my original post and the poll answers are steeped in my own negative feelings about this particular stereotype. I should have found a way to write it from a more neutral perspective, and I'm sorry for not doing a very good job at that.

Many thanks to all the great guys here who have given this thread the benefit of the doubt! I'm actually quite happy to read that some of the guys don't know what to choose in this poll, because almost all the answers are pretty disheartening (from a woman's point of view, at least.)

Hamarr, you also make a good point about some women thinking they should have someone who is, uh, perhaps a bit out of their league as well.

This is another thread idea I've thought about posting in the future: the fact that, in the churches I've grown up in at least, a good (or good-looking) man in church seems to turn some women into a pack of snarling dogs, all trying to take each other out in order to try to claim the apparently uber rare male specimen for herself. This is why I've spent my entire life trying to avoid crushing on men that all the other women wanted--I was pretty sure I'd be ripped from limb to limb if I ever tried! But, that's another topic for a different thread.

I'm also glad to hear the acknowledgment that women respond to visual cues as well.

Going back to the story in the original post about the guy who was printing out porn--it was around the year 2001, before everyone was carrying phones, so I have no idea why he felt the need to print those pictures out (he had a stack high enough to wallpaper his room) instead of just having them on his computer. He had them out in plain sight, and just glancing at them made me feel insecure and pretty horrible, but he brushed it off as something completely normal that he had a right to. But, he claimed to be a devout Christian and include some kind of prayer-like acknowledgement ("Thank you for this day, Lord,") during his conversations.

I'm not exactly the type of girl who can just stay quiet and be good while have her feelings continually hurt and ignored, so in the back of my mind, I was formulating a plan.

Everyone has insecurities, and I knew what all of his were. He was particularly insecure about a certain facial feature, and so I had decided that I was going to start cutting out pictures from magazines showcasing male models with presumably perfect versions of that feature. So let's say that this boyfriend was totally insecure about his smile (that wasn't what he was insecure about, but I'm using that as an example.)

At that time, companies like Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger were churning out all kinds of ads with male models, fully clothed, with plenty of perfect smiles. I was going to cut out every single picture I could find and start leaving them everywhere--in his room, in his car, at my house, tucked into the pockets of his jacket... All with gleaming, flawless smiles that were all bright and straight...

Because I wanted him to know what it was like having to catch glimpses of pictures that made me really dislike myself all the time.

Fortunately, we broke up before I was actually able to carry that out. But I sure would have if it had continued. (I'm not saying that was the right thing to do at all. I'm basically confessing the wrong thing I would choose to do if ever in that situation again.)

And, from all the little tidbits I share here in these threads, it should be pretty obvious as to why I'm single.

Anyways... Sorry for the little detour. Now it's time to go back to our regularly-scheduled discussion.

There was a small whiff of negativity I detected. 😛. Your threads usually aren’t that way, at least from what I have seen.

But then you have had a number of interesting experiences from what shares I have seen. Porn printing guy brings up so many questions.

 

[seoulsearch]

Yep. Many men are intimidated by a strong woman, and it sounds like you are that!

Thank you very much, but I honestly don't see myself as being very strong.

I'm more like the Israelites who continuously marched around and wandered aimlessly instead of following God into the Promised Land. Because of their own pride and stubbornness, it took them 40 years to make what would have been an estimated 11-day trip.

My own life choices have been a lot like that. I don't know if I could get to where God wants me to be in 11 days, but I do know that I've spent lots of wasted years going around and around the same mountain until I was fed up to say, "Not again!!!"

Just like the Israelites, it's taken me over 40 years to finally learn that lesson.

Maybe in some ways, God is telling me I'm just in time.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Lol.

Zero, and if I got paid a dollar for every time you say that women are only out for money, I could buy a new car. 🙄

Actually, you would only have about ten dollars. The last time I talked about that was in reply to GraceLikeRain and she hasn't been here since about 2014. Did I ever tell you about the Dr. Phil experiment?

 

[Hamarr]

Hmmm... if I haven’t really gotten out and tried is that like never leaving Egypt?

 

[Susanna]

Hey Everyone,

We had a recent discussion about what women really mean when they say they're looking for a man to be a good provider, which was actually meant to explore the stereotype that women are only out for money.

Now it's time to check out the flip side and take a look at the counter-stereotype, that men are are only out for sex.

I've lost count of the number of times I've heard men say, "God made men visual!" But what exactly does that mean? Maybe I've just had bad experiences with this phrase, but I tend to brace myself every time I hear it, because the only way I've heard it used was as an excuse:

* (From the boyfriend who was printing out porn from the internet) -- "Boys will be boys. After all, God made us visual... no big deal."

* The profile of a guy on a Christian dating site who wrote that he was only interested in talking to "former cheerleaders, gymnasts, and women with slim, athletic bodies, because God made men visual." I'll at least give this guy points for theoretically posting an honest picture, because he was clearly at least 50 pounds overweight and had a very obvious, protruding double chin.

I wanted to write and ask him, "If God made men visual, do you think that He made women blind?"

Please note--I'm not shaking my head over the fact that he was overweight--almost everyone has struggles in that area. But what had me questioning his statement that "God made men visual" is that he clearly believed he had a God-given right to expect standards in a partner that he clearly did not meet himself.

* Another dating profile on the same Christian site in which a guy stated, "If you're the kind of girl that everyone says has a great personality, don't bother writing me. God made men visual, and so I need an exceptionally beautiful wife."

I admit that this statement about God making men visual has always made me cringe because I've never heard it said in any other context.

And so, I'm asking all the fellas (and the ladies, and everyone else) to enlighten a sister and tell us what it REALLY means when men say that God made them visual. I've given some of my own interpretations in the poll (which is anonymous and multiple choice,) but please feel free to write in your own answers as well.

I should also write a disclaimer in that I am NOT trying to bash men AT ALL, and am hoping to have a respectful discussion of a phrase I might very well be misunderstanding.

I'm not arguing that God didn't make men visual. But what I would argue is that God didn't make this as an excuse for sinful choices or a means by which to demand qualities that one does not qualify for. And I realize that not every guy who says this has bad intentions in mind.

Is there actually a positive way of looking at such a commonly-made statement?

(And for any guy who would tell me that God made men visual, I would have to counter that with, "God made women emotional.") If I would ever marry again, he would have to be someone who would already understand that just as a man would expect his visual/physical needs in marriage, he would be just as dedicated to meeting the emotional needs of his wife.)

But I could very well be wrong.

What are YOUR thoughts on the statement that "God Made Men Visual?"

I don’t know what they mean, and I can’t say I care. It doesn’t scare me when a man takes an extra look at some good looking lady passing by, but I will be using it against him later, in good fun, of course😁😉.

I think people in general are visual, and there’s no stopping people from looking at whatever they find beautiful.

 

[Didymous]

When I'm with a woman, another woman can't steal anything of me from the one I'm with-even my eyes. But that's just me.

 

[Susanna]

When I'm with a woman, another woman can't steal anything of me from the one I'm with-even my eyes. But that's just me.

You sure you’re not a chick flick producer? 😂😁😜