Dating a Christian, not so sure

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A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#1
Nov 26, 2018
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#1
First time I've posted in this section.

I have been a Christian for about a year.
Late twenties and single.

Consequently sex before marriage was never something that effected me.

There are a few things that concern me about dating a Christian:

1. Sex before marriage, partly because I'm not sure I want to get married in the modern sense

2. The idea of not being able to live together until after marriage

3. If I had Children with a Christian, I'd like to bring them up around certain values but I'd like them to be given the chance to make up their own mind without being force fed Church dogma in Church children groups from a young age.
This is influenced by the fact that I came to God through my own free will and was not through being influenced by family (not Christians) or anything else.

Thoughts?
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#2
Jul 3, 2015
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#2
3. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#3
#3
Magenta said:
3. Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
Click to expand...
I was going to post this very verse and saw you already had sis. Great minds think alike! ;)

To the OP, are you sure you're a Christian? Jesus is everything and without him you have nothing. Why wouldn't you want to train your children as young as possible for a relationship with Him? I was raised Catholic but I so wish I could have gone to things like VBS or Youth Group. I never had those opportunities...but if I have children, I'm definitely putting them in those groups/activities.

The part of sex and living together until AFTER marriage...well we gotta obey God. He has rules for us. Those rules are in place not because he's a bad guy but because we wants us to live a fulfilled life. Sex before marriage isn't fulfilling. At least that's what I've heard. lol
 
A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#4
Nov 26, 2018
179
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#4
LadyInWaiting said:
I was going to post this very verse and saw you already had sis. Great minds think alike! ;)

To the OP, are you sure you're a Christian? Jesus is everything and without him you have nothing. Why wouldn't you want to train your children as young as possible for a relationship with Him? I was raised Catholic but I so wish I could have gone to things like VBS or Youth Group. I never had those opportunities...but if I have children, I'm definitely putting them in those groups/activities.

The part of sex and living together until AFTER marriage...well we gotta obey God. He has rules for us. Those rules are in place not because he's a bad guy but because we wants us to live a fulfilled life. Sex before marriage isn't fulfilling. At least that's what I've heard. lol
Click to expand...
Am I sure I'm a Christian?

I'm clearly feeling or questioning something you wouldn't even think to feel or question.

See my first post in the 'God and Political Correctness' thread in the Bible discussion forum.
Link:

https://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/god-and-political-correctness.182681/

Anyway, I don't have to justify my faith to you.
God knows, and that's the important thing.

Now we've got that out of the way...

I think it did me the world of good to come to God from a non-Christian background.

It meant that I was logical thinking enough to not allow my relationship with God to be inhibited by dogma, tradition or culture, where not Biblical.
This in turn meant that my relationship with God, and learning about the Bible, was 'more pure' and less 'cluttered' by non-Biblical cultural traditions and dogma.

I feel like a better Christian for it and it is the kind of relationship with God that I'd like my future children to experience.

With regards to sex before marriage, that is Biblical.

Your understanding of moving in with somebody before marriage is not Biblical, but an aspect of peripheral tradition and culture.
I know that back in the day a man would build his house on the side of his in-laws', but not only is this a description of what people used to do as oppose to an instruction from God to everybody, but you don't see people building on the side of their in-laws' now do you..
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#5
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,177
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#5
Adam4Eve said:
First time I've posted in this section.

I have been a Christian for about a year.
Late twenties and single.

Consequently sex before marriage was never something that effected me.

There are a few things that concern me about dating a Christian:

1. Sex before marriage, partly because I'm not sure I want to get married in the modern sense

2. The idea of not being able to live together until after marriage

3. If I had Children with a Christian, I'd like to bring them up around certain values but I'd like them to be given the chance to make up their own mind without being force fed Church dogma in Church children groups from a young age.
This is influenced by the fact that I came to God through my own free will and was not through being influenced by family (not Christians) or anything else.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
My two cents...

You teach your children to prepare them for life, right? Work ethics, manners, kindness, and such because you want the best for them, right....because you love them, right?

Well, with that in mind, you encourage Your children about Jesus, about His atonement, where the Only truth, way and the life is, in Him. So if you love them enough to give them the tools for this life, why not love them enough to give them an opportunity to know Jesus right now, and for eternity. Ultimately, it is between them and God, but we are called to be good stewards with what He has given us.

They deserve your witness, your testimony, your appeal for God.
 
A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#6
Nov 26, 2018
179
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#6
Oh by the way I meant to also say:

I've never dated anybody in my Church and have never dated a Christian.

The dating scene in my Church is bit weird and can be compared with the old children's party game 'Pass the Parcel'.
People seem to basically date multiple people in the Church, to the point that they're basically swapping partners, before settling down with somebody.

I wouldn't want anything to do with such a boiler room, incestuous approach to dating.

I'm not against dating the right Christian though, but where to meet her?
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#7
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,177
113
#7
Adam4Eve said:
First time I've posted in this section.

I have been a Christian for about a year.
Late twenties and single.

Consequently sex before marriage was never something that effected me.

There are a few things that concern me about dating a Christian:

1. Sex before marriage, partly because I'm not sure I want to get married in the modern sense

2. The idea of not being able to live together until after marriage

3. If I had Children with a Christian, I'd like to bring them up around certain values but I'd like them to be given the chance to make up their own mind without being force fed Church dogma in Church children groups from a young age.
This is influenced by the fact that I came to God through my own free will and was not through being influenced by family (not Christians) or anything else.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
And about premarital intimacy. I think honoring God and loving a potential partner enough to not want to hinder their with Christ puts God in front and at the center of a relationship. I think the miraculous, beautiful, and most strongest unions that I have witnessed had God written all over the heart of their marriage. He makes the most sense, and if two ppl can sacrifice their urges to honor God and each other before their wedding, than they have shown themselves and each other that they are selfless enough to know what true love is all about, sacrifice.

I will say that I am a mature (old, lol) single person, so I am not the authority. Just my thoughts.
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#8
Sep 17, 2013
5,543
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#8
If you never teach your children the love of God ...there's a chance in this wicked world they'll die and go to hell and their blood will be on your hands. God gives those little lives to you to nurture and raise in the admonition of the Lord. It's too big a risk to take in my opinion. You can bring them up knowing of Jesus and his sacrifice for their sin without "shoving it down their throats."
 
L

LadyInWaiting

Guest
#9
#9
Adam4Eve said:
Am I sure I'm a Christian?

I'm clearly feeling or questioning something you wouldn't even think to feel or question.

See my first post in the 'God and Political Correctness' thread in the Bible discussion forum.
Link:

https://christianchat.com/bible-discussion-forum/god-and-political-correctness.182681/

Anyway, I don't have to justify my faith to you.
God knows, and that's the important thing.

Now we've got that out of the way...

I think it did me the world of good to come to God from a non-Christian background.

It meant that I was logical thinking enough to not allow my relationship with God to be inhibited by dogma, tradition or culture, where not Biblical.
This in turn meant that my relationship with God, and learning about the Bible, was 'more pure' and less 'cluttered' by non-Biblical cultural traditions and dogma.

I feel like a better Christian for it and it is the kind of relationship with God that I'd like my future children to experience.

With regards to sex before marriage, that is Biblical.

Your understanding of moving in with somebody before marriage is not Biblical, but an aspect of peripheral tradition and culture.
I know that back in the day a man would build his house on the side of his in-laws', but not only is this a description of what people used to do as oppose to an instruction from God to everybody, but you don't see people building on the side of their in-laws' now do you..
Click to expand...
Wow I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you. I wasn't asking you to justify your faith to me. I just asked rhetorically. Like ask yourself if you really are.

No Christian is better than any other Christian. We are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God.
I don't see how you could be "more pure" by following a non-Biblical path. That part confuses me.
As far as living together, I mean the temptation would be there. Sure you could have two bedrooms...but wouldn't you be tempted? There should be boundaries. Also, the Bible says we need to not only live purely but look the part too. If other Christians see a couple of Christians living together before marriage, you know what they assume. It looks bad and it could make others feel like it's okay.
 
A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#10
Nov 26, 2018
179
42
28
#10
LadyInWaiting said:
Wow I'm sorry, I didn't mean to trigger you. I wasn't asking you to justify your faith to me. I just asked rhetorically. Like ask yourself if you really are.

No Christian is better than any other Christian. We are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God.
I don't see how you could be "more pure" by following a non-Biblical path. That part confuses me.
As far as living together, I mean the temptation would be there. Sure you could have two bedrooms...but wouldn't you be tempted? There should be boundaries. Also, the Bible says we need to not only live purely but look the part too. If other Christians see a couple of Christians living together before marriage, you know what they assume. It looks bad and it could make others feel like it's okay.
Click to expand...
Ok, I forgive you.
I can tell now that you meant no harm.

With regards to temptation, sure.
We're human.

Temptation isn't a bad thing.
Giving into temptation is.

If temptation was a bad thing in itself then Jesus could not have been perfect, because he was tempted by the devil for many days and nights in the desert.

I don't care what people think.
I care what God thinks.
People can assume what they like.
Can you show me the part of the new testament that says we should be concerned by human level perspectives please?

The part about my relationship with God being more pure:
I meet Christians all the time (and I really do mean ALL THE TIME) who are unable to justify what they do or what they believe.
They're unable to provide Biblical reason behind their 'way of being'.
Their reasoning is purely "that's what we do at our Church". They clearly have more respect for the culture, traditions and dogma that humans have built around the story of Jesus, than they have for the story of Jesus itself.

I on the other hand have no respect for "Our Church does this", when it has no basis in scripture.
I'm there to learn about God, not get caught up in peripheral traditions or dogma.

I'm able to make the distinction between these two things, whereas many people that I've met who have been force fed stuff since birth don't tend to be able to apply this basic level of 'straight thinking'.
This tends to be particularly true for those who have never gone to different Churches.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#11
#11
Adam4Eve said:
First time I've posted in this section.

I have been a Christian for about a year.
Late twenties and single.

Consequently sex before marriage was never something that effected me.

There are a few things that concern me about dating a Christian:

1. Sex before marriage, partly because I'm not sure I want to get married in the modern sense

2. The idea of not being able to live together until after marriage

3. If I had Children with a Christian, I'd like to bring them up around certain values but I'd like them to be given the chance to make up their own mind without being force fed Church dogma in Church children groups from a young age.
This is influenced by the fact that I came to God through my own free will and was not through being influenced by family (not Christians) or anything else.

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Think of it this way, if you have children and introduce them to Jesus early on,
introduce them to His love, His values, His way of living, you could very well
save them from a whole heap of trouble in their lives. Why let them learn the
hard way?

I know plenty of people who came to know Christ as adults but by the time they
did they had gotten in all sorts of messes. One a criminal and several spells
in prison before he came to Christ.

Another worked as a prostitute before they came to Christ.

Still others single mum’s after having one bad relationship after another before
they found the true love of God.

Still others who got into the drink drugs scene and messed them selves up.

So why on earth would you risk your children making bad choices in life and
bad decisions, before they find out about Jesus.

By the way there is no guarantee that if you teach them about Jesus that they
will become Christians. I know plenty like that as well, but at least they will
have a solid foundation in their lives to start off with and solid values.

I’m now wondering what sort of Christian you are to even be questioning all of
the above, are you still a Young fleshy Christian? It sounds as though you still
have a lot of Christian growing up to do.
 
A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#12
Nov 26, 2018
179
42
28
#12
Miri said:
Think of it this way, if you have children and introduce them to Jesus early on,
introduce them to His love, His values, His way of living, you could very well
save them from a whole heap of trouble in their lives. Why let them learn the
hard way?

I know plenty of people who came to know Christ as adults but by the time they
did they had gotten in all sorts of messes. One a criminal and several spells
in prison before he came to Christ.

Another worked as a prostitute before they came to Christ.

Still others single mum’s after having one bad relationship after another before
they found the true love of God.

Still others who got into the drink drugs scene and messed them selves up.

So why on earth would you risk your children making bad choices in life and
bad decisions, before they find out about Jesus.

By the way there is no guarantee that if you teach them about Jesus that they
will become Christians. I know plenty like that as well, but at least they will
have a solid foundation in their lives to start off with and solid values.

I’m now wondering what sort of Christian you are to even be questioning all of
the above, are you still a Young fleshy Christian? It sounds as though you still
have a lot of Christian growing up to do.
Click to expand...
I didn't say that I wouldn't want to make my children aware of Jesus, or even teach them about Jesus, but I would not want to have them go along to Church groups from a young age.

I'd want to instill values (I said this in the OP) and rational thinking.

You've given several instances of people getting caught up in the wrong life before meeting Christ.
Do you think that everybody has a terrible life before developing a relationship with God?
Do you think everybody has a wonderful life afterwards.

About being a Christian:
Yeah I know, I've dealt with my faith being questioned earlier in the thread - typical.
Take a look at previous posts.
 
A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#13
Nov 26, 2018
179
42
28
#13
Adam4Eve said:
Oh by the way I meant to also say:

I've never dated anybody in my Church and have never dated a Christian.

The dating scene in my Church is bit weird and can be compared with the old children's party game 'Pass the Parcel'.
People seem to basically date multiple people in the Church, to the point that they're basically swapping partners, before settling down with somebody.

I wouldn't want anything to do with such a boiler room, incestuous approach to dating.

I'm not against dating the right Christian though, but where to meet her?
Click to expand...
This post too btw, any thoughts?
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#14
Sep 17, 2013
5,543
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#14
Can't say I'd blame you for not wanting to play pass the bride... lol
All I can tell you is keep yourself involved in a ministry of some sort, communicate with other Christians and so on. I know that's not very helpful, but it's all I got.
 
A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#15
Nov 26, 2018
179
42
28
#15
Pipp said:
Can't say I'd blame you for not wanting to play pass the bride... lol
All I can tell you is keep yourself involved in a ministry of some sort, communicate with other Christians and so on. I know that's not very helpful, but it's all I got.
Click to expand...
Yeah it is helpful :)

Pass the bride - LOL
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#16
Sep 17, 2013
5,543
2,722
113
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#16
Adam4Eve said:
Yeah it is helpful :)

Pass the bride - LOL
Click to expand...
When I was growing up the only teenage boys around in my teen years were my older brother and the preachers son. EVERY teenage girl liked one or the other except me. I was like NOPE looks like I'll just have to wait it out.... but I saw my fair share of "let's try every combination until we make a good match" I guess it works for some people, but it's not for everyone .
 
A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#17
Nov 26, 2018
179
42
28
#17
Pipp said:
When I was growing up the only teenage boys around in my teen years were my older brother and the preachers son. EVERY teenage girl liked one or the other except me. I was like NOPE looks like I'll just have to wait it out.... but I saw my fair share of "let's try every combination until we make a good match" I guess it works for some people, but it's not for everyone .
Click to expand...
Yes - I respect independence of thinking very much.

I'm late twenties now though.
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#18
Sep 17, 2013
5,543
2,722
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#18
Adam4Eve said:
Yes - I respect independence of thinking very much.

I'm late twenties now though.
Click to expand...
I'm in my mid 30's. I'm fairly confident that if I had fallen into the same mindset back then I'd be married by now, but most likely not happily.

Be as content as possible while searching for a possible mate ...it makes life much more enjoyable. (Not saying you arent, I don't even know you...lol ) just a general thought I'm throwing out there.
 
A

Adam4Eve

Active member
#19
Nov 26, 2018
179
42
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#19
Pipp said:
I'm in my mid 30's. I'm fairly confident that if I had fallen into the same mindset back then I'd be married by now, but most likely not happily.

Be as content as possible while searching for a possible mate ...it makes life much more enjoyable. (Not saying you arent, I don't even know you...lol ) just a general thought I'm throwing out there.
Click to expand...
It's not that I'm desparate to find a mate, Christian or non-Christian.
It's that I'm at the stage in life where it would be just nice to meet somebody.
 
M

Miri

Guest
#20
#20
Adam4Eve said:
I didn't say that I wouldn't want to make my children aware of Jesus, or even teach them about Jesus, but I would not want to have them go along to Church groups from a young age.

I'd want to instill values (I said this in the OP) and rational thinking.

You've given several instances of people getting caught up in the wrong life before meeting Christ.
Do you think that everybody has a terrible life before developing a relationship with God?
Do you think everybody has a wonderful life afterwards.

About being a Christian:
Yeah I know, I've dealt with my faith being questioned earlier in the thread - typical.
Take a look at previous posts.
Click to expand...

If you worry about potential children being in the Christian youth groups,
church groups etc. Then you are in the wrong church.

A good church will give them a solid foundation, but will recognise they still
need to come to Christ themselves.

I went to church from age 9 and honestly time in Sunday schools, youth groups,
church camps etc, were some of the best times of my life. That was my former
church.

My current church is even better, it encourages kids to take an active part in church
life, they have their own junior worship band, home work clubs, weekends away,
Sunday youth service. Own teen prayer ministry group etc.

They have crèche, mum’s and tots groups, even missionary trips to places like Africa to
help build schools, dig wells etc for the old teens. They even took a group to the
base camp at Mount Everest.

All to experience the world, different cultures, get to know Christians in other
parts of the world.

Even if your church doesn’t do all of that. Kids who are brought up in church and
joining in fully from a young age, tend to be more confident, better educated,
have more social skills.
 
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