Funny stories in the Bible

[Lanolin]

Just wondering if you like to share your favourites.

And is there any in the Bible that made you laugh. Maybe its the way its told or the situation or the people themselves. Or what they said. Or maybe its something that puzzles you?!

For me, I find it amusing that Peter was always putting his foot in his mouth. And Jesus would sometimes get exasperated with him. Like the time when he didnt want Jesus to wash his feet and then he kind of goes overboard and tells him to wash all of him. Or when he sees Jesus walking on water and of course he wants to walk on water too..what..he doesnt even want to gets his feet wet, but he thinks hes going to walk on water?? Uh.. yea Peter doesnt really think before he says anything. Lol

Or Martha. So busy serving and upbraiding Mary for not helping her and sitting at Jesus feet. She just expects Jesus to tell her sister off too. But no Jesus tells Martha what Mary is doing is way more important. Dear Martha such a bossy boots. Lol

The bible shows we are all human and react in ways that show that, well we do need God!

 

[Miri]

The funniest story I can think of is when
Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead and the Pharisees sought to kill him again.

Would Jesus have raised him from the dead again, again!

You would have thought the Pharisees would have thought.
“Well hold on just a minute can we even kill this guy!”

 

[posthuman]

i think John 9 is hilarious. as though Jesus is trolling the pharisees with this blind man; they are exasperated with him! the man's parents don't want to get dragged into it, and the man is so plain & true

 

[posthuman]

1 Samuel 21 is funny too; David hides from Saul in Gath, and pretends to be insane, so they won't be afraid & kill him, or press him into service -- the king says

Am I so short of madmen that you have to bring this fellow here to carry on like this in front of me? ​

Must this man come into my house?
(1 Samuel 21:15) ​

lol what is going on in Gath? king Achish is over it
do i not have enough insane ppl already?? now this guy?

 

[posthuman]

this one takes a little explanation; bear with me..

i know a man who is convinced that no Hebrew lepers were healed until Jesus. and that Jesus healed thousands of them, constantly.
the Law has a rather elaborate set of rituals that the priests have to preform for a cleansed leper - so what he sees is, they have never performed them. they 'devour widows houses' at lest in part by taking control of the property of people who develop leprosy, who of course must be removed to leper colonies, and of course no one ever is healed, so they keep their properties and become rich.
along comes Christ and heals thousands of lepers over a 2-3 year period. He sends them all to the priest to have the Law fulfilled. every day, more and more lepers showing up, the Pharisees and Sadducees and the rest of the mostly-unbelieving priesthood being swamped with all the cleansed-leper rituals they have to suddenly perform. they have to give back these people's property or come up with ways to weasel out of it; it's totally unexpected, maddening and so beautifully ironic!

i can't say whether this speculative narrative is true - i mean, it has merit based in the NT but it's not specified. i wouldn't argue against it. if it's true, it's Christ Jesus 'trolling' them in a way, like John 9 again but on a great scale -- and hilarious

 

[Deuteronomy]

1 Samuel 5
1 The Philistines took the ark of God and brought it from Ebenezer to Ashdod.
2 Then the Philistines took the ark of God and brought it to the house of Dagon and set it by Dagon.
3 When the Ashdodites arose early the next morning, behold, Dagon had fallen on his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD. So they took Dagon and set him in his place again.
4 But when they arose early the next morning, behold, Dagon had fallen on his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD. And the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off on the threshold; only the trunk of Dagon was left to him.
5 Therefore neither the priests of Dagon nor all who enter Dagon’s house tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod to this day.

What the Bible doesn't tell you is that it was as a result of this incident that this Philistine "deity" was finally named, "Dagon". As the story goes, every time the priests would come in and find their statue of Dagon face down before the ark of God, they would all scratch their heads and go, "well, dagon"

Actually, aside from the silliness above, the entirety of 1 Samuel 5-6, with its statue of Dagon that kept ending up face down before the Ark, the golden tumors & mice, the milch cows, etc., and how everything ends up playing itself out, is both an amazing and humorous look into the sovereignty of God as He deals with the Philistines.

~Deut

 

[NotmebutHim]

The contest between Elijah and the prophets of Baal at Mt. Carmel as explained in 1 Kings 18.

Or when the donkey spoke to Baalam in a man's voice (Numbers 22).

Or even when King David danced naked before the Lord and said to his wife Michal "I will be even more undignified than this" when she mocked him.

 

[TheLearner]

Mark 14:51-53 Easy-to-Read Version (ERV)
51 One of those following Jesus was a young man wearing only a linen cloth. When the people tried to grab him, 52 he left the cloth in their hands and ran away naked.

 

[FlyingDove]

I alway's chuckle at this:

Genesis 3:11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

Genesis 3:1212 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

Adam tells God, the WOMAN that YOU gave me, made me do it.

Reminds me of my kids when they were little. Or many people I've worked with over the years. Failure is always somebody else's fault.

 

[Deuteronomy]

I alway's chuckle at this:

Genesis 3:11 And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?

Genesis 3:1212 And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

Adam tells God, the WOMAN that YOU gave me, made me do it.

Reminds me of my kids when they were little. Or many people I've worked with over the years. Failure is always somebody else's fault.

"It wasn't me!" We really haven't changed at all over all of these years, have we

 

[Deuteronomy]

Genesis 2
22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
23 The man said,
“This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.”

The excitement that Adam clearly felt in v23 when he saw Eve for the first time could all be reduced to him just saying, "YOWZA"

 

[blueluna5]

So Jonah, who was vomited out of a big fish after 3 days went to Nineveh.

What the heck would he look and smell like after all that?! I'm sure he got a lot if attention.

 

[Poinsetta]

In Acts when Peter returns from jail there was a full house and he was at the gate when a lady came out her face was so funny she went up to the gate see who was knocking then when she saw him she opened her mouth but no words because had raised his hand for her not to speak so she was with her mouth opened in amazement.

 

[FlyingDove]

1 Samuel 5
1 The Philistines took the ark of God and brought it from Ebenezer to Ashdod.
2 Then the Philistines took the ark of God and brought it to the house of Dagon and set it by Dagon.
3 When the Ashdodites arose early the next morning, behold, Dagon had fallen on his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD. So they took Dagon and set him in his place again.
4 But when they arose early the next morning, behold, Dagon had fallen on his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD. And the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands were cut off on the threshold; only the trunk of Dagon was left to him.
5 Therefore neither the priests of Dagon nor all who enter Dagon’s house tread on the threshold of Dagon in Ashdod to this day.

What the Bible doesn't tell you is that it was as a result of this incident that this Philistine "deity" was finally named, "Dagon". As the story goes, every time the priests would come in and find their statue of Dagon face down before the ark of God, they would all scratch their heads and go, "well, dagon"

Actually, aside from the silliness above, the entirety of 1 Samuel 5-6, with its statue of Dagon that kept ending up face down before the Ark, the golden tumors & mice, the milch cows, etc., and how everything ends up playing itself out, is both an amazing and humorous look into the sovereignty of God as He deals with the Philistines.

~Deut

Hi Deuteronomy,

I'm guessing we use different versions. Don't get me wrong I'm not married to any version. I have a favorite version that doesn't
tumors it says emerods

1 Sam 5:6 But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.

I looked up emerods and found the meaning to be hemorrhoid.

1 Samuel 5:6, 9, & 12 The Lord sends a plague of emerods (Hemorrhoids) upon Philistines. There were 5 Philistine cities under rat & hemorrhoid infestation.

So, they make 5 mice of Gold & 5 golden Hemorrhoids. And give them to the God of Israel as a tresspass offering. When they return the Ark of the Covenant.

I wonder what a golden hemorrhoid looks like? LOLOLOLOLO

This was also a if you don't I will under the Law punishment.

Deuteronomy 28:27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.

 

[Poinsetta]

When Jesus rebuked the plant. Ha! Poor plant(tree)

 

[Deuteronomy]

Hi Deuteronomy,

I'm guessing we use different versions. Don't get me wrong I'm not married to any version. I have a favorite version that doesn't
tumors it says emerods

1 Sam 5:6 But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.

I looked up emerods and found the meaning to be hemorrhoid.

1 Samuel 5:6, 9, & 12 The Lord sends a plague of emerods (Hemorrhoids) upon Philistines. There were 5 Philistine cities under rat & hemorrhoid infestation.

So, they make 5 mice of Gold & 5 golden Hemorrhoids. And give them to the God of Israel as a tresspass offering. When they return the Ark of the Covenant.

I wonder what a golden hemorrhoid looks like? LOLOLOLOLO

This was also a if you don't I will under the Law punishment.

Deuteronomy 28:27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.

Apparently עֹפֶל [ʿophel] can mean either tumor or hemorrhoid according to my Lexicons, so who knows? The text said that the עֹפֶל (tumors/hemorrhoids) "broke out" on the Philistine men, both young and old, so I guess it could be either, or even something else altogether(?) That's NASB. The KJV speaks of "emerods" in the men's "secret parts", so that seems frighteningly clear

Definitely an entertaining and enlightening couple of Chapters in many different ways

~Deut

 

[posthuman]

Apparently עֹפֶל [ʿophel] can mean either tumor or hemorrhoid according to my Lexicons, so who knows? The text said that the עֹפֶל (tumors/hemorrhoids) "broke out" on the Philistine men, both young and old, so I guess it could be either, or even something else altogether(?) That's NASB. The KJV speaks of "emerods" in the men's "secret parts", so that seems frighteningly clear

Definitely an entertaining and enlightening couple of Chapters in many different ways

~Deut

personally i actually have more trouble imagining how to sculpt a golden tumor than a golden hemorrhoid...

 

[posthuman]

In Acts when Peter returns from jail there was a full house and he was at the gate when a lady came out her face was so funny she went up to the gate see who was knocking then when she saw him she opened her mouth but no words because had raised his hand for her not to speak so she was with her mouth opened in amazement.

yes! Acts 12

God preserved the poor girls name for us, Rhoda
we can have a laugh together with her in the hereafter

 

[Lanolin]

Another Martha story when Lazarus is dead for four days and Jesus wants to open the tomb but Martha ever so practical and clean says he will stink.

I mean Jesus is going to raise Lazarus from the dead and all Martha can think about is her propriety. Jesus tells her hes doing this so people will believe and see the glory of God.
I dont know if Martha held her nose as Lazarus came out...it doesnt say. Maybe some angels quickly gave the tomb a bit of air freshening spray before he came out.

Later we learn Mary gives Jesus a bottle of perfume. Maybe Martha suggested this gift as a kind of not so subtle way of saying Lord you smell. Well Jesus did say thank you and that this was for his burial so maybe he took note.

Do you think we will be able not only to see the glory of God but to smell him? Now I might be reading a bit more into the Bible than what is there but just find it so funny. Lol

 

[Poinsetta]

Another Martha story when Lazarus is dead for four days and Jesus wants to open the tomb but Martha ever so practical and clean says he will stink.

I mean Jesus is going to raise Lazarus from the dead and all Martha can think about is her propriety. Jesus tells her hes doing this so people will believe and see the glory of God.
I dont know if Martha held her nose as Lazarus came out...it doesnt say. Maybe some angels quickly gave the tomb a bit of air freshening spray before he came out.

Later we learn Mary gives Jesus a bottle of perfume. Maybe Martha suggested this gift as a kind of not so subtle way of saying Lord you smell. Well Jesus did say thank you and that this was for his burial so maybe he took note.

Do you think we will be able not only to see the glory of God but to smell him? Now I might be reading a bit more into the Bible than what is there but just find it so funny. Lol

Yeah we’ll have some special smell that will keep us delighted 24/7