Thinking about killing myself

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U

umzza

Senior Member
#1
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#1
I'm tired of people trying to hurt me. They look in my eyes and they know they can hurt me and then they do it. I'm tired of pain all the time. It goes away but I'm tired of it keep coming up. Every time someone stops talking to me I feel more worthless each time. I was hoping for some church tonight but it didn't happen. Like I'm tired. I tell people everything and they don't even have anything to say. I'm tired of this same pains all the time over and over and over the same things all the time.
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#2
Mar 13, 2014
42,657
17,112
113
69
Tennessee
#2
You sound very depressed. I will say a prayer for God to comfort you and that you may have clarity of thought. Anyone would be tired of pain all of the time but that does not mean that there will be pain tomorrow or even day after. Your post made me sad but I will still pray for God to remove the dark clouds hovering over you so that you may see the Light.
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#3
Oct 23, 2018
13,226
10,763
113
#3
umzza said:
I'm tired of people trying to hurt me. They look in my eyes and they know they can hurt me and then they do it. I'm tired of pain all the time. It goes away but I'm tired of it keep coming up. Every time someone stops talking to me I feel more worthless each time. I was hoping for some church tonight but it didn't happen. Like I'm tired. I tell people everything and they don't even have anything to say. I'm tired of this same pains all the time over and over and over the same things all the time.
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Do any kind of volunteer work, where you can focus on helping others. Sit down and make a list of things your thankful for, ie can you get up in the morning? You have access to the Internet, some people don't. Start making it a point to praise the Lord and even dance unto the Lord. Drive the darkness out with the joy of the Lord. Do you forward to going to Heaven? That alone is good news. Don't let the enemy gain control of your thoughts, you must combat them with the word of God. I'm sure there are Christian messages on the Internet, keep them on while you can. Of course ask our good God to deliver you from these negative tendencies, and I'm certain He is for you and not against you.
 
U

umzza

Senior Member
#4
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#4
TabinRivCA said:
Do any kind of volunteer work, where you can focus on helping others. Sit down and make a list of things your thankful for, ie can you get up in the morning? You have access to the Internet, some people don't. Start making it a point to praise the Lord and even dance unto the Lord. Drive the darkness out with the joy of the Lord. Do you forward to going to Heaven? That alone is good news. Don't let the enemy gain control of your thoughts, you must combat them with the word of God. I'm sure there are Christian messages on the Internet, keep them on while you can. Of course ask our good God to deliver you from these negative tendencies, and I'm certain He is for you and not against you.
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Why should I volunteer for people. They'd probably turn around and hate me if they knew me long enough. Why should i read the Bible if no one wants to read it with me. I want to be high right now because then pain would be gone but I can't right now. I don't even have a stomach to get drunk.
 
CherieR

CherieR

Senior Member
#5
May 6, 2017
2,271
1,429
113
#5
umzza said:
I'm tired of people trying to hurt me. They look in my eyes and they know they can hurt me and then they do it. I'm tired of pain all the time. It goes away but I'm tired of it keep coming up. Every time someone stops talking to me I feel more worthless each time. I was hoping for some church tonight but it didn't happen. Like I'm tired. I tell people everything and they don't even have anything to say. I'm tired of this same pains all the time over and over and over the same things all the time.
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Suicide is never the answer. Don't do it. If you need to call the emergency number because if you are thinking about hurting yourself, that is an emergency. There is always hope. God loves you very much.
 
U

umzza

Senior Member
#6
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#6
CherieR said:
Suicide is never the answer. Don't do it. If you need to call the emergency number because if you are thinking about hurting yourself, that is an emergency. There is always hope. God loves you very much.
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Why? Random people who are paid to talk to suicidal people every day aren't going care. They probably don't care that much.
 
U

umzza

Senior Member
#7
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#7
I'm never going to be their friend. It means nothing to them.
 
U

umzza

Senior Member
#8
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#8
I am tired of never being sure. I can never trust anyone to stay around or religious things to stay around. I look for stuff on my Facebook like religious stuff that people post but they ALWAYS ALWAYS stop posting after a while. I look forward to some little post about God or something and they go for a while and then it stops. They give up and don't try anymore. Idk I'm just tired. I just want stability and same thing not changes from people all the time.
 
TabinRivCA

TabinRivCA

Well-known member
#9
Oct 23, 2018
13,226
10,763
113
#9
umzza said:
Why? Random people who are paid to talk to suicidal people every day aren't going care. They probably don't care that much.
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Wrong, in my case I care about people I talk to because I know there is always hope. One thing for SURE God DOES care for us or He wouldn't have sent Jesus to pay the price for our sins. You said you think people might hate you if they knew you long enough, that's starting out on the wrong foot. When you realize God does love YOU then don't imagine bad things. Yes volunteer, you might see people that could use your help.
 
CherieR

CherieR

Senior Member
#10
May 6, 2017
2,271
1,429
113
#10
umzza said:
Why? Random people who are paid to talk to suicidal people every day aren't going care. They probably don't care that much.
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The phone number I was thinking of was the regular 911 number. And they will come. Even if people are paid for doing emergency services, there are people who work in such line of work because they do care and are passionate about helping others. Even if things look bleak in your life, there is always hope. Don't give up. Look to Jesus Christ. Call out to him. He loves you so much. Don't isolate yourself from others. I will pray for you. I want you to feel better.
 
theanointedwinner

theanointedwinner

Well-known member
#11
Nov 6, 2018
2,058
1,125
113
#11
depression can be very draining, only God can be with umzza 24/7

Jesus have said "why have you forsaken me" and Jesus have prayed to the point of sweating blood in that garden before the crucifixion.

may umzza's suffering be reduced
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#12
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,177
113
#12
Are there times when the pain lifts? How do you feel then?

Do you have anyone, anything that you can call upon to help you?

Are you seeing your doctor or mental health worker regularly and often?
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#13
Mar 13, 2014
42,657
17,112
113
69
Tennessee
#13
umzza said:
Why should I volunteer for people. They'd probably turn around and hate me if they knew me long enough. Why should i read the Bible if no one wants to read it with me. I want to be high right now because then pain would be gone but I can't right now. I don't even have a stomach to get drunk.
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I understand as even Jesus was hated for all the good works that He did helping those in need and even now there are those that are unappreciative and despise Him. Jesus even wept.

It would be very nice to have someone read, study and contemplate the scripture in the bible and pray together but please know that while Jesus walked the earth He prayed alone and when trying to teach His disciples most of the time they had no clue on what the point was. Jesus was very much alone in this world yet He stayed close to HIs heavenly father who is also your heavenly father.

Getting high or drunk will not alleviate your despair but will only deepen it. My only suggestion at this point is to try to find a bible believing church that will accept you for who you are and work with you and assist you in your spiritual growth in your walk with the Lord.

You are wallowing in self-pity at the moment and that is hurting you further. Yes, the world is a tough place but Jesus overcame the world and if He walks beside you then you will become a new creation in Christ. It is hard to love others when you hate yourself. Allow God to help you to learn to love yourself and from that point on you will learn to love others too even though at times they may cause you pain and anguish.

The thing is, the ones that hurt you are probably suffering too and don't feel good about themselves either. They are like you. Be different and become a positive force for yourself and for those that God sends your way. Allow God to help you achieve your great potential. He has confidence in you and one day you will have confidence in who your are and where you are going.
 
Solemateleft

Solemateleft

Honor, Courage, Commitment
#14
Jun 25, 2017
14,042
4,097
113
#14
umzza said:
I'm tired of people trying to hurt me. They look in my eyes and they know they can hurt me and then they do it. I'm tired of pain all the time. It goes away but I'm tired of it keep coming up. Every time someone stops talking to me I feel more worthless each time. I was hoping for some church tonight but it didn't happen. Like I'm tired. I tell people everything and they don't even have anything to say. I'm tired of this same pains all the time over and over and over the same things all the time.
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umzza, my heart breaks for you and my prayers are with you. Please seek help immediately - you are in need of a life-raft - someone who will give you the undivided attention that your heart so desperately needs at this time. Please seek out your pastor along with a professional counselor... For the interim and for your own well-being seek hugs from those closest to you - even if they seemingly are not providing you the response and attention you currently seek - hugs can be like magic in helping your feelings of anxiety and depression...
Strive to keep your faith thru prayer, it is okay to grieve - but do not stop seeking spiritual strength thru prayer... Our lord loves you and that is all that matters... He will hear and answer your prayers...
God Bless
 
levi85

levi85

Senior Member
#15
Jul 2, 2013
8,578
2,182
113
#15
Lord bless umzza, in this matter. Let all the plans of devil to destroy umzza and rob, umzza's peace, and joy be a complete failure. Lord please work and be glorified in umzza's life. In Jesus loving name, Amen!
 
U

umzza

Senior Member
#16
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#16
Sorry it just seems that Christians reject me and like why should I believe God is a certain way if Christians are not that way?
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#17
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,177
113
#17
umzza said:
Sorry it just seems that Christians reject me and like why should I believe God is a certain way if Christians are not that way?
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I say everytime we see cold, indifference or rejection, we need to try harder to extend more love and mercy to others. The world needs Him desperately. It isn't about what they can do or aren't doing for you but how can you love and serve others more, all for His Glory. Don't get me wrong, Umzza, I get wrapped up in me too, we all want love, mercy and acceptance but put your focus on His Love, His Mercy, and Acceptance. I get that it is hard sometimes. Keep praying and asking God to bring someone into your life that you can help, that you can extend love, acceptance and mercy to. Love you umzza, I have seen an outpouring of love and support coming your way from Christians online.
 
U

umzza

Senior Member
#18
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#18
I cannot control myself. The feelings are overwhelming. People hate me. The more I talk the more they hate me but when I dont talk it is so hard. People don't believe me. There's demons in my dreams. They're either demons or people who hurt me when I was young. Have you ever been so afraid as kid that you start sweating and have nightmares and hate places and people so much you want to kill them? Does anybody even know what I am talking about to feel that fear. I feel like people have never felt that and dont understand. I have a bad dream the other night and feel all that fear again. I don't know how to control the feelings.
 
U

umzza

Senior Member
#19
Jan 10, 2015
389
65
28
#19
CharliRenee said:
I say everytime we see cold, indifference or rejection, we need to try harder to extend more love and mercy to others. The world needs Him desperately. It isn't about what they can do or aren't doing for you but how can you love and serve others more, all for His Glory. Don't get me wrong, Umzza, I get wrapped up in me too, we all want love, mercy and acceptance but put your focus on His Love, His Mercy, and Acceptance. I get that it is hard sometimes. Keep praying and asking God to bring someone into your life that you can help, that you can extend love, acceptance and mercy to. Love you umzza, I have seen an outpouring of love and support coming your way from Christians online.
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I tried like a person I saw in person and talked to but they don't want to talk to me anymore because I talk about myself too much. Idk how to get their attention when they stop talking to me though and don't say anything. Like they're important to me and I love them but they don't love me.
 
CharliRenee

CharliRenee

Member
Staff member
#20
Nov 4, 2014
6,693
7,177
113
#20
umzza said:
I cannot control myself. The feelings are overwhelming. People hate me. The more I talk the more they hate me but when I dont talk it is so hard. People don't believe me. There's demons in my dreams. They're either demons or people who hurt me when I was young. Have you ever been so afraid as kid that you start sweating and have nightmares and hate places and people so much you want to kill them? Does anybody even know what I am talking about to feel that fear. I feel like people have never felt that and dont understand. I have a bad dream the other night and feel all that fear again. I don't know how to control the feelings.
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I gave you a heart reaction because I want to give you a hug. I am sorry that you are being tormented with your thoughts? Have you reached out for help offline? Have you reached out to see if there is something going on in your mind that is harming your well-being. People can be unkind but usually they have their own stuff they are working through. Do you pray to the Lord, asking for His help? Have you studied the word. Remember that verse i shared Jeremiah 15:16

I found the words and I ate them and they became the joy and rejoicing of my heart, for I am called by the Lord of Hosts.

See that scripture tells us that His word helps lifts our heads and emotions. I so want to help you, but God, I believe wants to more and He can. Lean in on Him.

About those dark thought and dreams, they just may be a blessings in disguise, telling you to get some help. We all need help, from time to time.
 
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