Antisocial

[Dark_Matter]

I don't know why I am afraid to meet men and go on dates in my city,
I think it might be a psychological issue and maybe I need medication for
the extra dose of anxiety that causes the antisocial behavior. It's a fear that is constant
in my head and is beginning to affect my sleep patterns.

Agoraphobia is being afraid of people and it makes it hard for me to be in ministry or even be Christian.
Of course if I have to I force myself to be in these situations.

I find it easy to meet guys online but there is a time limit where it can only go so far. I even tried dating websites
and chickened out and closed my account. I broke some peoples hearts that I got close to when I was younger because
I couldn't take it. I imagine I made more enemies than friends in my lifetime due to the fear.

It starts with a stomach ache, my arms tense up and weaken, and I feel the 'fight or flight' come up, I can't think
I can't focus, and I need to run away, I need to hide in my safe haven of video games, or TV to make me forget.
I am disconnected from my body at times and I can't remember what it is like to be human, to sympathize with others pain.

The fear may have been a blessing in disguise saving me from some bad situations I got caught in
where i could've been killed or worse, which only amplified the fear and mistrust of people. Often time God or my family would suddenly intervene and talk sense into me saving me from making a mistake.

I'm not saying that loving that person was a mistake, the mistake was the dangerous situation I was willing to put myself in.

The bad side of it is that I don't like being alone, it leaves me susceptible to spiritual and demonic attacks at times.
One day I want to be married, I want a husband, I want a family with children, I want a future with that special someone I haven't met yet.
I hope that person is culture sensitive and gets a long with my parents, that's important to me.

I want to just get into a conversation with a guy face to face and suddenly realize how attractive he is to me, and how safe he makes me feel,
and I want that guy to feel the same way about me, where he is not shy but makes me feel okay to be myself. This is definitely a prayer request.

It's hard to be friends with Christian guys because they can be so awkward, and even people who are married because they automatically think I'm after them, and it makes things awkward. Nothing feels natural. I can't be friends with anyone...and it gets so lonely..

Maybe they aren't the problem, maybe it all lies with me, I'm the problem, and I don't know how to get myself to the point of
being like everyone else.

I don't like being alone...but I'm not that desperate.

Maybe just prayer that God would heal my mind and change it, asap but not desperate asap.

I compare my situation to that movie: "Shallow Hal" with Jack Black, except that every guy is a killer monster, and every person is a venomous snake out to hurt me or destroy me. It's irrational I know...but at least I'm trying to fix myself..

 

[Janna38]

You can try new things like me then get involved in a group. How many friends do you have?

 

[Dark_Matter]

You can try new things like me then get involved in a group. How many friends do you have?

Finding a group is a great idea, I just don't want to join one alone, especially in the city unless I know it is safe. I have facebook friends but it's more or less associative. Nobody I really "hang out with" except for family members.

Well...in order to get to that point I need some extra help toward taking those steps, so I'm probably going to see a doctor soon.
I believe in God's healing to though, and one day I hope I'm completely healed of this.

 

[Janna38]

Finding a group is a great idea, I just don't want to join one alone, especially in the city unless I know it is safe. I have facebook friends but it's more or less associative. Nobody I really "hang out with" except for family members.

Well...in order to get to that point I need some extra help toward taking those steps, so I'm probably going to see a doctor soon.
I believe in God's healing to though, and one day I hope I'm completely healed of this.

Good thinking.

 

[Janna38]

*hugs* friend

 

[mailmandan]

Is there such a thing as "type 2" antisocial? I know some people who used to be very social, but have become antisocial as they got older. When I asked them why, they simply say they are sick of people!

 

[Dark_Matter]

*hugs* friend

*returns hug* thanks friend.

 

[Dark_Matter]

Is there such a thing as "type 2" antisocial? I know some people who used to be very social, but have become antisocial as they got older. When I asked them why, they simply say they are sick of people!

Type 2? I have never heard of that. It kind of depends on the person. I've had this problem since childhood, but have been seeking to improve myself since. Even as antisocial as I sound I actually do like being around people, but this mental thing gets in the way where I can't..

 

[calibob]

I don't know why I am afraid to meet men and go on dates in my city,
I think it might be a psychological issue and maybe I need medication for
the extra dose of anxiety that causes the antisocial behavior. It's a fear that is constant
in my head and is beginning to affect my sleep patterns.

Agoraphobia is being afraid of people and it makes it hard for me to be in ministry or even be Christian.
Of course if I have to I force myself to be in these situations.

I find it easy to meet guys online but there is a time limit where it can only go so far. I even tried dating websites
and chickened out and closed my account. I broke some peoples hearts that I got close to when I was younger because
I couldn't take it. I imagine I made more enemies than friends in my lifetime due to the fear.

It starts with a stomach ache, my arms tense up and weaken, and I feel the 'fight or flight' come up, I can't think
I can't focus, and I need to run away, I need to hide in my safe haven of video games, or TV to make me forget.
I am disconnected from my body at times and I can't remember what it is like to be human, to sympathize with others pain.

The fear may have been a blessing in disguise saving me from some bad situations I got caught in
where i could've been killed or worse, which only amplified the fear and mistrust of people. Often time God or my family would suddenly intervene and talk sense into me saving me from making a mistake.

I'm not saying that loving that person was a mistake, the mistake was the dangerous situation I was willing to put myself in.

The bad side of it is that I don't like being alone, it leaves me susceptible to spiritual and demonic attacks at times.
One day I want to be married, I want a husband, I want a family with children, I want a future with that special someone I haven't met yet.
I hope that person is culture sensitive and gets a long with my parents, that's important to me.

I want to just get into a conversation with a guy face to face and suddenly realize how attractive he is to me, and how safe he makes me feel,
and I want that guy to feel the same way about me, where he is not shy but makes me feel okay to be myself. This is definitely a prayer request.

It's hard to be friends with Christian guys because they can be so awkward, and even people who are married because they automatically think I'm after them, and it makes things awkward. Nothing feels natural. I can't be friends with anyone...and it gets so lonely..

Maybe they aren't the problem, maybe it all lies with me, I'm the problem, and I don't know how to get myself to the point of
being like everyone else.

I don't like being alone...but I'm not that desperate.

Maybe just prayer that God would heal my mind and change it, asap but not desperate asap.

I compare my situation to that movie: "Shallow Hal" with Jack Black, except that every guy is a killer monster, and every person is a venomous snake out to hurt me or destroy me. It's irrational I know...but at least I'm trying to fix myself..

That's not antisocial behavior. Antisocial behavior is doing things without remorse that a person knows is wrong but doesn't care like being a sociopath. Seeing a professional may help. Possibly bi-polar disorder or social anxiety but don't take my advice especially since we haven't met.

 

[Dark_Matter]

That's not antisocial behavior. Antisocial behavior is doing things without remorse that a person knows is wrong but doesn't care like being a sociopath. Seeing a professional may help. Possibly bi-polar disorder or social anxiety but don't take my advice especially since we haven't met.

Yeah you're right about the definition about Antisocial personality disorder. I just now went back and looked at the definition and realized what it meant. I realize that I should have posted Social anxiety. *shrugs*. crap. oh well.

I wouldn't go as far as bi-polar, since I really don't have a lot of change in my moods or behavior. Dropping contact with people or pushing them away isn't really a symptom.

i have seen therapists before and was diagnosed for depression and anxiety. I just think medication might help me function a little better. Me talking about it kind of helps me toward helping myself.

 

[Dark_Matter]

Also please don't diagnose symptoms on me, you're right, you don't know me. Yeah I made a mistake with the title, my bad. It's too late to change it anyway.

I will take prayer though.

 

[Ata041114]

I don't know why I am afraid to meet men and go on dates in my city,
I think it might be a psychological issue and maybe I need medication for
the extra dose of anxiety that causes the antisocial behavior. It's a fear that is constant
in my head and is beginning to affect my sleep patterns.

Agoraphobia is being afraid of people and it makes it hard for me to be in ministry or even be Christian.
Of course if I have to I force myself to be in these situations.

I find it easy to meet guys online but there is a time limit where it can only go so far. I even tried dating websites
and chickened out and closed my account. I broke some peoples hearts that I got close to when I was younger because
I couldn't take it. I imagine I made more enemies than friends in my lifetime due to the fear.

It starts with a stomach ache, my arms tense up and weaken, and I feel the 'fight or flight' come up, I can't think
I can't focus, and I need to run away, I need to hide in my safe haven of video games, or TV to make me forget.
I am disconnected from my body at times and I can't remember what it is like to be human, to sympathize with others pain.

The fear may have been a blessing in disguise saving me from some bad situations I got caught in
where i could've been killed or worse, which only amplified the fear and mistrust of people. Often time God or my family would suddenly intervene and talk sense into me saving me from making a mistake.

I'm not saying that loving that person was a mistake, the mistake was the dangerous situation I was willing to put myself in.

The bad side of it is that I don't like being alone, it leaves me susceptible to spiritual and demonic attacks at times.
One day I want to be married, I want a husband, I want a family with children, I want a future with that special someone I haven't met yet.
I hope that person is culture sensitive and gets a long with my parents, that's important to me.

I want to just get into a conversation with a guy face to face and suddenly realize how attractive he is to me, and how safe he makes me feel,
and I want that guy to feel the same way about me, where he is not shy but makes me feel okay to be myself. This is definitely a prayer request.

It's hard to be friends with Christian guys because they can be so awkward, and even people who are married because they automatically think I'm after them, and it makes things awkward. Nothing feels natural. I can't be friends with anyone...and it gets so lonely..

Maybe they aren't the problem, maybe it all lies with me, I'm the problem, and I don't know how to get myself to the point of
being like everyone else.

I don't like being alone...but I'm not that desperate.

Maybe just prayer that God would heal my mind and change it, asap but not desperate asap.

I compare my situation to that movie: "Shallow Hal" with Jack Black, except that every guy is a killer monster, and every person is a venomous snake out to hurt me or destroy me. It's irrational I know...but at least I'm trying to fix myself..

From a sufferer... Do not chase that which you think will make you whole unless is is the Lord himself 😘 We put mental health labels on ourselves that almost seem to limit what we think we are capable of. If you put God and his direction first, then the right person will come to you. Heal yourself inward. Look your anxieties and fears in the eye and tell them they are only lies in your head. Sensitive people react emotionally much more differently to the thought of being weird or different or perceived as so and it is much more difficult to learn how to control those emotions we feel so intensely.. Jesus wants you, he wants to guide you into situations that will teach you strength, acceptance and peace. Much Love from a socially awkward friend ❤️ I’ve tried multitudes of medications to treat ptsd, depression, anxiety... but the root of our symptoms gives us much more insight as to how we can move forward. Don’t be afraid to dig deep and be completely in love with the way God made you 😘 Oh and the journey is tough my friend. 💪

 

[Dark_Matter]

From a sufferer... Do not chase that which you think will make you whole unless is is the Lord himself 😘 We put mental health labels on ourselves that almost seem to limit what we think we are capable of. If you put God and his direction first, then the right person will come to you. Heal yourself inward. Look your anxieties and fears in the eye and tell them they are only lies in your head. Sensitive people react emotionally much more differently to the thought of being weird or different or perceived as so and it is much more difficult to learn how to control those emotions we feel so intensely.. Jesus wants you, he wants to guide you into situations that will teach you strength, acceptance and peace. Much Love from a socially awkward friend ❤️ I’ve tried multitudes of medications to treat ptsd, depression, anxiety... but the root of our symptoms gives us much more insight as to how we can move forward. Don’t be afraid to dig deep and be completely in love with the way God made you 😘 Oh and the journey is tough my friend. 💪

I wrote this weeks ago...
I'm already in the process of healing but thank you for your wisdom and encouragement.

 

[CandieM]

That's not antisocial behavior. Antisocial behavior is doing things without remorse that a person knows is wrong but doesn't care like being a sociopath. Seeing a professional may help. Possibly bi-polar disorder or social anxiety but don't take my advice especially since we haven't met.

My personal experience is that I was abused as an infant, verbally/emotionally abused as a child, and in my earliest years, I experienced severe, horrendous trauma at a daycare. Fast-forward to my 27th year -- soon to be my 28th -- year as an adult, I am so terrified of risking being harmed by a total stranger because my other group of abusers never got an indictment, never had a court hearing, and possibly never saw the inside of a prison cell. It's because of this that I'm petrified to leave my home if I have to be around large groups of people, especially if the said large group of people are overly friendly and try to assimilate me into their circle. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are up to no good, but because other people traumatized me so intensely that I can't even remember their faces, but it's entirely possible that they at least remember mine, I know that they are potentially still "out there" and that being on my toes is very important for my own safety and well-being.

None of what I typed up there means that the OP endured what I have, but it means that if they did endure and sort of trauma, either in adolescence or adult life ... I can relate wholeheartedly.

My mind is made up on being a 'crazy cat lady' from here on out. Advocacy for people and animals is a passion of mine, albeit on the back-burner. Another passion of mine is natural medicine and nutrition. Typing is another passion that I can use to acquire income.... That's off-topic, though.

No, I don't want psychotropic drugs. No, I don't want to see a mental health professional. I'm almost 30 and I'm sick and tired of talking about my past. What I want is to let it go and earn money and live my life with the leftover funds that I choose to spend on myself. The rest of that money goes to groups of people and animals that have to suffer a hell that I cannot begin to imagine.

My heart goes out to the OP and anyone else in this world who was to severely scarred by other people that interacting with people brings on a level of fear that a lot of people struggle to come to terms with. It's extremely hard because on one hand, humans are social creatures, but on the other hand, when you damage someone's ability to be social because preserving their lives is their main focal point ... no one wins. Hopefully the OP can be physically and mentally secure in the future and possibly obtain the relationships that they desire. 🙏

 

[calibob]

My personal experience is that I was abused as an infant, verbally/emotionally abused as a child, and in my earliest years, I experienced severe, horrendous trauma at a daycare. Fast-forward to my 27th year -- soon to be my 28th -- year as an adult, I am so terrified of risking being harmed by a total stranger because my other group of abusers never got an indictment, never had a court hearing, and possibly never saw the inside of a prison cell. It's because of this that I'm petrified to leave my home if I have to be around large groups of people, especially if the said large group of people are overly friendly and try to assimilate me into their circle. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are up to no good, but because other people traumatized me so intensely that I can't even remember their faces, but it's entirely possible that they at least remember mine, I know that they are potentially still "out there" and that being on my toes is very important for my own safety and well-being.

None of what I typed up there means that the OP endured what I have, but it means that if they did endure and sort of trauma, either in adolescence or adult life ... I can relate wholeheartedly.

My mind is made up on being a 'crazy cat lady' from here on out. Advocacy for people and animals is a passion of mine, albeit on the back-burner. Another passion of mine is natural medicine and nutrition. Typing is another passion that I can use to acquire income.... That's off-topic, though.

No, I don't want psychotropic drugs. No, I don't want to see a mental health professional. I'm almost 30 and I'm sick and tired of talking about my past. What I want is to let it go and earn money and live my life with the leftover funds that I choose to spend on myself. The rest of that money goes to groups of people and animals that have to suffer a hell that I cannot begin to imagine.

My heart goes out to the OP and anyone else in this world who was to severely scarred by other people that interacting with people brings on a level of fear that a lot of people struggle to come to terms with. It's extremely hard because on one hand, humans are social creatures, but on the other hand, when you damage someone's ability to be social because preserving their lives is their main focal point ... no one wins. Hopefully the OP can be physically and mentally secure in the future and possibly obtain the relationships that they desire. 🙏

I understand and empathize with you. Your feelings are justified and I wish you success. God be with you in Jesus name.

 

[Dark_Matter]

My personal experience is that I was abused as an infant, verbally/emotionally abused as a child, and in my earliest years, I experienced severe, horrendous trauma at a daycare. Fast-forward to my 27th year -- soon to be my 28th -- year as an adult, I am so terrified of risking being harmed by a total stranger because my other group of abusers never got an indictment, never had a court hearing, and possibly never saw the inside of a prison cell. It's because of this that I'm petrified to leave my home if I have to be around large groups of people, especially if the said large group of people are overly friendly and try to assimilate me into their circle. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are up to no good, but because other people traumatized me so intensely that I can't even remember their faces, but it's entirely possible that they at least remember mine, I know that they are potentially still "out there" and that being on my toes is very important for my own safety and well-being.

None of what I typed up there means that the OP endured what I have, but it means that if they did endure and sort of trauma, either in adolescence or adult life ... I can relate wholeheartedly.

My mind is made up on being a 'crazy cat lady' from here on out. Advocacy for people and animals is a passion of mine, albeit on the back-burner. Another passion of mine is natural medicine and nutrition. Typing is another passion that I can use to acquire income.... That's off-topic, though.

No, I don't want psychotropic drugs. No, I don't want to see a mental health professional. I'm almost 30 and I'm sick and tired of talking about my past. What I want is to let it go and earn money and live my life with the leftover funds that I choose to spend on myself. The rest of that money goes to groups of people and animals that have to suffer a hell that I cannot begin to imagine.

My heart goes out to the OP and anyone else in this world who was to severely scarred by other people that interacting with people brings on a level of fear that a lot of people struggle to come to terms with. It's extremely hard because on one hand, humans are social creatures, but on the other hand, when you damage someone's ability to be social because preserving their lives is their main focal point ... no one wins. Hopefully the OP can be physically and mentally secure in the future and possibly obtain the relationships that they desire. 🙏

Yeah. I've had a similar, but not the same trauma, in my own life since I was a baby, things happened to me as a kid I wish never did..
I've been threatened to the point of paranoia up to this point in my life. Several attempts of suicide were probably my only escape from the mental torture I never understood why I went through, and I can never begin to truly explain, but God made those attempts to fail. I should probably have some kind of liver or kidney failure due to all the pills I took.

and yeah it's terrifying to step out and to be alone. ...I don't take drugs, I considered medicine just because I just want to be normal. I want to comprehend people what people say to me, I can't grasp or remember. It affects my learning, and jobs most of the time... i really hate when people make me feel stupid, with all their superiority of knowledge, they can grasp faster.

I was venting due to my own loneliness... i don't like talking about this part of my life,

I've been silent and afraid most of my life, but when spiritually attacked I learned how to speak up. So I learned to write.

I don't write this for people to make assumptions that all I do is sit all day and feel sorry for myself...

I am trying, I am making an effort to live for whatever reason God has me here for.

Since I wrote that weeks ago I have been reading books and working on myself.

It would be nice to be with someone, but if I'm not ready I'm not ready.

Anyway, There is not much more to talk about...I was venting on my own blog, my attitude obviously change a lil weeks later..

But thank you Candi for sharing your life with us here..I know its not easy to talk about.

 

[Subhumanoidal]

"i really hate when people make me feel stupid, with all their superiority of knowledge, they can grasp faster"

I once chat with a woman that had some issues with this. She struggled at home with her kids all day. When her husband came home he dealt with the kids with ease. This made her feel insecure and she would lash out at him.
But she knew he was a good husband and father and didn't deserve the attacks, yet her insecurities still made her lash out.
The sad part is the person she should've most been appreciating was being trashed, while those who did not deserve appreciation were not. All because she based her value on whether or not someone else had more than her.
This leads to pushing away those that can help, and remaining stagnant herself. The stagnation increased her self loathing and caused more wrong behavior.

Self sabotage.
And it also allows a person the freedom to not push themselves to be different and to stay comfortable, even in misery. People grow more together than alone, because we can be pushed out of our comfort zones by others.

 

[Dark_Matter]

"i really hate when people make me feel stupid, with all their superiority of knowledge, they can grasp faster"

I once chat with a woman that had some issues with this. She struggled at home with her kids all day. When her husband came home he dealt with the kids with ease. This made her feel insecure and she would lash out at him.
But she knew he was a good husband and father and didn't deserve the attacks, yet her insecurities still made her lash out.
The sad part is the person she should've most been appreciating was being trashed, while those who did not deserve appreciation were not. All because she based her value on whether or not someone else had more than her.
This leads to pushing away those that can help, and remaining stagnant herself. The stagnation increased her self loathing and caused more wrong behavior.

Self sabotage.
And it also allows a person the freedom to not push themselves to be different and to stay comfortable, even in misery. People grow more together than alone, because we can be pushed out of our comfort zones by

Wow, do you do reveal all personal information of these "friends" of yours just so you can teach a life lesson? That makes it so much easier to trust..
If you want to be a therapist, you gotta know the meaning of time, trust and confidence...Rushing and shoving the food down my throat won't heal me in a day.

I stopped talking to you for a reason, and I wasn't accusing you. You seem to think everyone you know does if there is conflict. I told you I was needy, and get attached. I was afraid of saying the wrong thing and losing I don't know how to act. I explained to you the medical reason for this...
You proceeded to fix me, which was..kind, but I distance myself for a reason..

but if you must know I was afraid of my own behavior and anger issues...what if I gained abusive habits from my own experience. I know I have problems, maybe I am mentally abusive, maybe from being mentally abused I learned how to manipulate and talk my way out and control people, maybe a rejected narcissistic who knows. Or maybe I was rejected so much in life I'm use to losing. You are preaching to the choir.

The best thing would to avoid creating another victim, I think. Yes the person being lashed out at does not deserve to be hurt I agree. Sometimes the abused keeps coming back because they believe in the other person so much, but it doesn't help them. Sometimes its best to let the person hurting you go so they can heal.
I thought I was saving you from that.

sometimes distance is good. I am not married, have no boyfriend, I am finally living on my own. No kids. I thought about all of that beforehand.

Now that you have your answer you can use it for more ammunition to make yourself feel better about your own life.

Yes I do have all these things wrong with me...but you are not my therapist or my doctor. I needed a friend...

What I need is selfish, you would call it human need, what I need is a lot of energy and a lot of work, and time.

 

[CandieM]

Yeah. I've had a similar, but not the same trauma, in my own life since I was a baby, things happened to me as a kid I wish never did..
I've been threatened to the point of paranoia up to this point in my life. Several attempts of suicide were probably my only escape from the mental torture I never understood why I went through, and I can never begin to truly explain, but God made those attempts to fail. I should probably have some kind of liver or kidney failure due to all the pills I took.

and yeah it's terrifying to step out and to be alone. ...I don't take drugs, I considered medicine just because I just want to be normal. I want to comprehend people what people say to me, I can't grasp or remember. It affects my learning, and jobs most of the time... i really hate when people make me feel stupid, with all their superiority of knowledge, they can grasp faster.

People who haven't had major traumas in their life, to the point that it affects their ability to even take care of themselves, have a difficult time relating to people who have had to go through that. People who talk down to you or look down upon you because you don't function on their level simply don't get it. It took me years to figure out that it's better to brush off the ignorant opinions of others. It's good that you are carrying on in life and trying to better yourself. So am I. Wishing you the best of luck. 🤞

But thank you Candi for sharing your life with us here..I know its not easy to talk about.

You're welcome. 👍👍 Every day I'm thinking of ways to make myself feel safer, instead of expecting and demanding that the world suddenly become a safe and habitable place. That is an unreasonable expectation that I totally left behind. As long as I feel like I am capable of physically protecting and defending myself, maybe I'll finally feel OK enough to live my life without worrying about someone hunting me down and harming me in some way. My safety and protection is my responsibility, no one else's. Life has taught me this lesson.

If you happen to grapple with a lack of physical safety, or feeling physically threatened by being in public, maybe you can buy bear spray or perhaps a stun gun? Just as a self-defense measure. This is what I have done/will do so that I can protect/defend myself anywhere, anytime, against anyone who harasses/attacks me. 👍👍

Have a nice rest of the week. 🌈

 

[Quantrill]

People who haven't had major traumas in their life, to the point that it affects their ability to even take care of themselves, have a difficult time relating to people who have had to go through that. People who talk down to you or look down upon you because you don't function on their level simply don't get it. It took me years to figure out that it's better to brush off the ignorant opinions of others. It's good that you are carrying on in life and trying to better yourself. So am I. Wishing you the best of luck. 🤞


You're welcome. 👍👍 Every day I'm thinking of ways to make myself feel safer, instead of expecting and demanding that the world suddenly become a safe and habitable place. That is an unreasonable expectation that I totally left behind. As long as I feel like I am capable of physically protecting and defending myself, maybe I'll finally feel OK enough to live my life without worrying about someone hunting me down and harming me in some way. My safety and protection is my responsibility, no one else's. Life has taught me this lesson.

If you happen to grapple with a lack of physical safety, or feeling physically threatened by being in public, maybe you can buy bear spray or perhaps a stun gun? Just as a self-defense measure. This is what I have done/will do so that I can protect/defend myself anywhere, anytime, against anyone who harasses/attacks me. 👍👍

Have a nice rest of the week. 🌈

Good advice. Also, you can consider a firearm. Every single woman should have a firearm in their home. I suggest a 20 gauge defender shotgun loaded with #6 load.

And you can get a right to carry a firearm license. There are so many good pistols out there today. Consider 'the Judge' by Taurus . It is a 5 shot revolver. It will receive either a 45 cartridge or a 4/10 shotgun shell. I recommend the 4/10 because with it you won't miss. Again, a #6 load would be more than enough.

Something to consider.

Quantrill