Is the church obligated to do anything with singles?

[Raffie]

In my many decades of going to many, many churches I have yet to see a church do anything for singles.

Most churches I notice offer many things for dating, how to run your family, kids, marriage and the likes. For singles it's now and then they preach on the matter and when they do it's usually 1 Corinthians 7 which I don't call word of God but Peter's thought on the subject.
Not saying it is not valid at all, but his opinion on being single.

Through the Bible talks about couples, being equally yoked and this and that. Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper (help meet) suitable for him."

I have emailed many churches if they offer anything for older singles and most times they never reply to me or tell me there should be other churches out there that would.

I have been to local 'christian singles +45' events and most times its like 9 men and 4 women and they are over 70 and act very closed to new people.

From what I see there is a handful of singles here and there in each church, but still I feel I'm swept under the rug. Out of sight, out of mind kind of thing.

I live in the PNW and the guy/gal ratio is like 7:1.

I know being in a relationship is not easy for the most part and takes work, but I think if she was like minded it would be worth the effort.

So is there something the church should consider about singles?

 

[zeroturbulence]

I believe the church's one true purpose is to be a place of worship. Everything else is icing on the cake. Did anyone in the bible meet their spouse in church or in a synagogue (jewish place of worship)? No.

 

[Raffie]

I believe the church's one true purpose is to be a place of worship. Everything else is icing on the cake. Did anyone in the bible meet their spouse in church or in a synagogue (jewish place of worship)? No.

Would have it been worthy to mention in the Bible?
Jesus did many miracles and they we not mentioned in the Bible.

So, here is our string theory I guess.

 

[SweetStars]

Hmm..I do know that there are a few Churches here that do offer singles meeting rarely though, but beyond that i'm not sure, sorry the best thing that i could suggest is praying for the partner that you are looking for.
I do agree with zeroturbulence that Church is to learn about God, get closer to God, grow in knowledge of God's word and will, but for The Church to have activities for singles would not be wrong on the contrary i think it would help single Christians to meet other people (not just a partner) that have more free time to read The Bible together or talk or do stuff as most marriage people does not have the same amount of free time as single people due to the family responsibilities (husband/wife, kids, house chores, etc) and also for them to find their partners, because let's be honest is difficult for Christians to find a partner now days. Besides Church is very difficult to find other Christians friends let alone a probable partner. I myself have been praying and waiting for the person God choose for me, most of my friends tell me that they can find me a date easily the only thing that they tell me is that my main requirement needs to be get rid of, my main requirement for them is impossible or too difficult and the main and "difficult" requirement is just for him to be Christian. Is truly sad how difficult it is to find true Christians now days :/

 

[Lynx]

Raffie I'm not sure what you are saying you want here. Are you trying to find a date, or are you trying to find something to do with your time? Are you wanting the church to run a local christian dating agency or do you want a church sponsored activity center for singles?

Or is it something else you're after? Sorry, I can't tell from the first post exactly what it is you want the church to do.

 

[Raffie]

Raffie I'm not sure what you are saying you want here. Are you trying to find a date, or are you trying to find something to do with your time? Are you wanting the church to run a local christian dating agency or do you want a church sponsored activity center for singles?

Or is it something else you're after? Sorry, I can't tell from the first post exactly what it is you want the church to do.

I see the church preach and do events for everyone but singles.

 

[Dino246]

I see the church preach and do events for everyone but singles.

A person's relationship with, standing in, and growth in Christ are not dependent upon their being married. In that sense, the Church has no particular responsibility to "singles" any more than it has to "individuals" (hopefully you catch the distinction).

There is one danger in any singles' ministry: some people will treat it as a place to meet a potential mate, while some will treat it as a place to avoid exactly that, and be offended at the other. IMHO it's better that a church foster small groups that actively include both singles and marrieds, and whose leaders are careful to steer conversations through issues exclusive to either party.

Perhaps the Lord is calling you to start a ministry for singles... perhaps one that welcomes people from several local churches instead of just one.

 

[Miri]

I do know what the OP is referring to.
My church is very family orientated, there is lots for children, teens,
young adults, couples and families generally, but very little for singles.

In fact they seem to go out of their way to keep singles separate!

We have men’s breakfasts.
Women’s conferences
Girls aloud a social group for women
Women’s weekends away
Men’s weekends away
Plus men’s bible studies and women’s bible studies.

There are mixed groups but mostly they attract married couples.
Prayer meetings. Bible studies etc and there are no social type
groups for singles.

Oh I forgot there are also things likes the silver lining luncheon group
where you have to be over 60. Mostly it attracts women.

It’s hard to get to know the opposite sex if the church keeps the singles
segregated! I’ve never understood why they do that.

Why not have middle aged prayer groups, bible studies and social events!


There is a lot on the internet about this subject.
This for example


https://www.christianitytoday.com/w...ocate-for-singles-in-your-church.html?start=2

 

[TamLynn]

I do know what the OP is referring to.
My church is very family orientated, there is lots for children, teens,
young adults, couples and families generally, but very little for singles.

In fact they seem to go out of their way to keep singles separate!

We have men’s breakfasts.
Women’s conferences
Girls aloud a social group for women
Women’s weekends away
Men’s weekends away
Plus men’s bible studies and women’s bible studies.

There are mixed groups but mostly they attract married couples.
Prayer meetings. Bible studies etc and there are no social type
groups for singles.

Oh I forgot there are also things likes the silver lining luncheon group
where you have to be over 60. Mostly it attracts women.

It’s hard to get to know the opposite sex if the church keeps the singles
segregated! I’ve never understood why they do that.

Why not have middle aged prayer groups, bible studies and social events!


There is a lot on the internet about this subject.
This for example


https://www.christianitytoday.com/w...ocate-for-singles-in-your-church.html?start=2

I guess it depends on who attends your church.
In the events you've listed, we have mostly single people attend them, because the majority of our congregation is single.

 

[Lynx]

I see the church preach and do events for everyone but singles.

There are events for men and events for women. Are you a man or a woman? There are events for different age groups. Do you fit into any of the age groups for which they are doing events? There are sermons targeted at men, women, different age groups... Do you fit any of the groups at which the sermons are aimed?

 

[cinder]

There are events for men and events for women. Are you a man or a woman? There are events for different age groups. Do you fit into any of the age groups for which they are doing events? There are sermons targeted at men, women, different age groups... Do you fit any of the groups at which the sermons are aimed?

There are events for men and events for women, but if I'm super honest, the women's events don't really fit me (and I've always felt that I'd be unwelcome at the men's events and haven't tried attending ) and a lot of the topics at women's events are related back to husbands and children so often a lot of the events for women are intentionally or unintentionally geared toward married women. I don't know if it's the same for men's events or if they talk more about developing character and doing the right thing in the workplace and how faith relates to career or other things that might apply to single guys as well. But honestly, as a single gal over 30, there are no age specific ministries for me, women's ministries either address primarily the concerns of married women or are all touchy feely or gabfests about nothing (or sometimes both). There's very little age group ministry wise in most churches for those between 30 and 55 or whenever you decide you're a senior adult. Which often leaves singles feeling like their only options are to let the church put them to work so that they can connect with people or forever be on the fringes because so much of what is going on is either intentionally or inadvertently designed for someone else.

But since you're a single guy and it sounds like you're fairly well connected into your church, please tell us what programs and events your church has that you find valuable and useful to you.

Perhaps a better way to frame this question is what are the needs of singles that go unaddressed and often feel unacknowledged by our church communities? And what would we like to see churches do to address those things?

 

[Lynx]

Thank you cinder, that would be a great rephrasing of the question.

And no, guys groups are not anything like what you describe for women's groups. If we men had a men's conference and the speaker started talking about emotional stuff, touchy-feely stuff, family stuff or (heaven help us!) the marriage bed, a lot of guys would get uncomfortable and either leave or try to cover up their discomfort with bad jokes.

 

[tourist]

I see the church preach and do events for everyone but singles.

There are plenty of opportunities to meet a prospective spouse besides a church.

 

[Raffie]

There are events for men and events for women, but if I'm super honest, the women's events don't really fit me (and I've always felt that I'd be unwelcome at the men's events and haven't tried attending ) and a lot of the topics at women's events are related back to husbands and children so often a lot of the events for women are intentionally or unintentionally geared toward married women. I don't know if it's the same for men's events or if they talk more about developing character and doing the right thing in the workplace and how faith relates to career or other things that might apply to single guys as well. But honestly, as a single gal over 30, there are no age specific ministries for me, women's ministries either address primarily the concerns of married women or are all touchy feely or gabfests about nothing (or sometimes both). There's very little age group ministry wise in most churches for those between 30 and 55 or whenever you decide you're a senior adult. Which often leaves singles feeling like their only options are to let the church put them to work so that they can connect with people or forever be on the fringes because so much of what is going on is either intentionally or inadvertently designed for someone else.

But since you're a single guy and it sounds like you're fairly well connected into your church, please tell us what programs and events your church has that you find valuable and useful to you.

Perhaps a better way to frame this question is what are the needs of singles that go unaddressed and often feel unacknowledged by our church communities? And what would we like to see churches do to address those things?

When my life was good (had a nice job, house and the regular stuff) I often invited people (families since singles was far and few to be seen) over for diner. They made ever excuse under the sun why they could not join me for a meal. Never a work around or anything. Often I'd watch them go to other families to join them for this and that. I played it off like I was not paying attention or hear them.
This was not just one church, but many churches.
Now and then a church I was going to would have a meet after service BBQ at a park.
I would attend and never once be invited to sit with anyone. I'd ask if I could join but ofc they was "FULL" and could not make room for me. They could but did not want to. Also I can tell by their eyes, how they looked at me. The eyes are truly the windows of the soul.

I been seeing this crap for many decades. It's like because I was not a dating or married like them I was not valid.

I am sure other parts of the US vary a bit, but just moving to a better place is something I can't do/afford to.

 

[Raffie]

There are plenty of opportunities to meet a prospective spouse besides a church.

Quite the blanket statement you got there.

On line dating is dead and chopped full of scammers, I don't go to clubs for obvious reasons, when you're over 50 the places to maybe meet someone greatly fades into obscurity.

 

[tourist]

Quite the blanket statement you got there.

On line dating is dead and chopped full of scammers, I don't go to clubs for obvious reasons, when you're over 50 the places to maybe meet someone greatly fades into obscurity.

I met my second and third wife online and from my observations many people find success in online dating.

I understand what you say about getting older as my age was one of the reasons that I chose to try that route. I was 47 when I met my late second wife in 2002 in an AOL Romance Christian Singles chat room and was 59 when I met my current and last wife on this site in 2014 shortly after I joined.

It's a blanket statement I made but it is also the truth as most people do not meet their future spouse in church, but rather at work, online, a previous friend or even a chance encounter. Next time you're at your local 7/Eleven and meet a cute single woman behind the counter as you are paying for your Slurpee take a chance and give her your phone number. Or perhaps you will bump into your future wife at your local super Walmart in the produce section as you are thumping the honeydews to see what one is ripe for the taking.

Perhaps you have set the bar too high and are waiting for the perfect woman to drop into your lap. If so, you may be waiting a long time. Yes, finding the right one is hard, even if you pray about it (I did) but it still requires action on your part if an opportunity arises. Some people have naïve expectations regarding a prospective spouse, or have a fear of rejection or commitment or are waiting for things to be perfect, making sure first by crossing all of the T's and dotting all of the I''s and waiting for all of the lights to be green. Then there are those that simply remain idle and do nothing waiting for God's perfect timing which is really code for being afraid to take a chance, roll the dice and see what happens.

Faint heart does not win fair woman. That may seem a little harsh but that is one of the Rules of Engagement regarding relationships. I wrote a thread about these rules that may be of some help to you if you are so inclined.

 

[CharliRenee]

I totally relate to the OP, and it's not because I'm hoping to meet a man. It would be nice to extend my circle of family in Christ in this area. I'd like to know other women and men in my age bracket, more or less. We can relate to one another in ways couples can not. It does seem avoided in churches though because folks seem to think be cause you want to tap into this market to share commonalities and get to know, that you must be desperate to find a date, such is not always the case, and again another stereotype for singles. I can understand, though, why it is avoided.

 

[Raffie]

I totally relate to the OP, and it's not because I'm hoping to meet a man. It would be nice to extend my circle of family in Christ in this area. I'd like to know other women and men in my age bracket, more or less. We can relate to one another in ways couples can not. It does seem avoided in churches though because folks seem to think be cause you want to tap into this market to share commonalities and get to know, that you must be desperate to find a date, such is not always the case, and again another stereotype for singles. I can understand, though, why it is avoided.

Ya, I hate feeling left out. I so much want to be included with the church and not a lot of places to do that.

 

[Lynx]

If you're wanting to be a part of what the church is doing, I recommend joining the sound team. If you can run the sound booth you are part of everything that requires so much as one microphone or CD player.

You don't even have to know where all those wires go. All you have to do is learn to work the sound board, and that's dead easy. The whole thing is a grid, with inputs across the top and outputs down the side.

 

[melita916]

my home church didn't have a singles ministry or activities for singles specifically. but heck, the singles were so busy being involved in other ministries, we didn't have time for a singles ministry lol. we were involved in the music team, sunday school, and youth leadership. at one point, the only day i didn't see anyone from church was thursdays IF we didn't have leadership meeting.