Affection: Where do you draw the line for a single Christian man or woman?

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Do you think Christian men and women should be affectionate when in a relationship?

  • Yes

  • No

  • Other - please state

Results are only viewable after voting.
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#1
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#1
Over the years I’ve had many talks and debates with friends and family about where we draw the line of being “too affectionate” when being in a relationship with someone.

I’ve come across different people with different opinions about what should be appropriate to do or not to when you’re in a relationship with someone (being married doesn’t count).

Person A says: A Christian man or woman shouldn’t hug or kiss their partner until they get married. They should remain pure until marriage.

Person B says: A Christian man or woman can show affection to their partner (hugging or kissing allowed) but that’s all, until they’re married.

Person C says: A Christian man or woman should be allowed to show affection however they want, even if they’re not married.

What are your thoughts?
Is it a personal choice?
Is it biblical?
Should the expectation of remaining pure in a relationship be taken into consideration?
Should being pure even matter?

This scripture came to mind when I wrote this:
Hebrews 13:4 English Standard Version (ESV)
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

I think I would lean towards the opinion of Person A & B, although I also do view affection in different ways as well, like, an arm over the shoulder, or a hug, or even tickling lol.

Singles and our married friends are welcome to comment.
 
Tommy379

Tommy379

Notorious Member
#2
Jan 12, 2016
7,589
1,153
113
#2
Ain't nothing wrong with swapping some spit.
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#3
Jul 24, 2016
7,600
3,625
113
#3
Mel85 said:
Over the years I’ve had many talks and debates with friends and family about where we draw the line of being “too affectionate” when being in a relationship with someone.

I’ve come across different people with different opinions about what should be appropriate to do or not to when you’re in a relationship with someone (being married doesn’t count).

Person A says: A Christian man or woman shouldn’t hug or kiss their partner until they get married. They should remain pure until marriage.

Person B says: A Christian man or woman can show affection to their partner (hugging or kissing allowed) but that’s all, until they’re married.

Person C says: A Christian man or woman should be allowed to show affection however they want, even if they’re not married.

What are your thoughts?
Is it a personal choice?
Is it biblical?
Should the expectation of remaining pure in a relationship be taken into consideration?
Should being pure even matter?

This scripture came to mind when I wrote this:
Hebrews 13:4 English Standard Version (ESV)
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

I think I would lean towards the opinion of Person A & B, although I also do view affection in different ways as well, like, an arm over the shoulder, or a hug, or even tickling lol.

Singles and our married friends are welcome to comment.
Click to expand...
I can only say what the Bible says not to do.. And that is not to engage in sexual relations ( fornication ) before marriage..

The Bible does not say thou shalt not huggeth or kisseth thine girlfriend who is not thine wife.. :)

The only ""sin"" that could arise in some minds would be the sexual thoughts that some might be thinking about when they are hugging and kissing their girlfriend ( insert boyfriend here if you are a woman :) ).. But people can be affectionate with thoughts of love while hugging and kissing without being caused to lust over the person they are hugging and kissing..

So if hugging and kissing does not lead one to lust then option B would be my pick.. But if you cannot control yourself and you find yourself lusting simply because you hugged someone then option A is for you..
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#4
Aug 13, 2014
27,729
9,659
113
#4
Where do I draw the line for people in general? I don't. That is for them to draw.

Where do I draw the line for me? I haven't yet. I guess I will find out when or if I find somebody with whom to draw the line.
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#6
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#6
Tommy379 said:
Ain't nothing wrong with swapping some spit.
Click to expand...
It gets wrong when you share spit with lots of different people and contract herpes.

Wouldn’t you agree?
 
Mel85

Mel85

Daughter of the True King
#7
Mar 28, 2018
10,910
6,897
113
#7
Lynx said:
Where do I draw the line for people in general? I don't. That is for them to draw.

Where do I draw the line for me? I haven't yet. I guess I will find out when or if I find somebody with whom to draw the line.
Click to expand...
I pray that you will meet someone who will be able to draw the line with you too :)
 
Faith-n-Christ

Faith-n-Christ

Senior Member
#10
May 12, 2016
443
365
63
#10
For me, I'd have to say observed light affection. Always in public. I would not be alone with a man, even if betrothed/ engaged. My walk with the Lord is more important to me, and fornication is the only sin one does again their own body. The bible says, to not engage in any activity that can cause your character into question. That when accusations are brought against you, they can find not fault. Though I may sin regularly as we all do. My sin usually are in my own heart. Or calling someone a Bozo for almost hitting me. Rarely since getting in my Bible and walking with the Lord can any of my actions or my character be called into question. Today is another story, I got sharp with a woman in billing for my internet service. (Double billing) I quickly apologized an let the math speak for me. Point being a relationship is usually emotional. If two people have abstained for sexual conduct after prior experience, temptation will be very high. Being a former sexually active woman, I know my weaknesses, and arousal points. Not only do I not want to put myself in a situation were temptation to sin against myself and the Lord and my partner. I do not wish to arm ill willed people with gossip that can tarnish my character. In my youth I was foolish and untaught. As a mature God fearing woman, I would have no excuse to participate in such Behavior.
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#11
Aug 12, 2011
10,467
2,704
113
#11
well, I say each person has his/her boundaries for his/her own reasons. what's ok with one person may not be ok for another. of course, as long as it is lined up with the Word.

I would say to my Sunday school students, "once hormones kick in, our brain is out the door," meaning it is difficult to stop. we are not all the same, so perhaps hormones kick in quicker for some than others.

I know some christians don't want to have their 1st kiss until the wedding day. if that floats your boat, that's cool. others may not agree with it. that's cool, too.

the Holy Spirit is faithful in showing us how to walk in Him.
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#12
Mar 26, 2014
4,436
2,423
113
#12
Thoughts:

Purity is undervalued and misunderstood. Yes a couple should strive for purity in every stage of their relationship, but to boil down purity to a set of standards for physical interaction is like saying history is a bunch of stuff that happened to dead people. There's just so much more to it than that if you're going to take it seriously.

So much of what appropriate boundaries would be are determined by personality and culture. I hug plenty of people on a fairly regular basis (including a few married men) that I care about but have no romantic intentions towards. So it's hard for me to imagine liking a guy enough to date him and then not hugging him. Some people are more physically demonstrative than others or have physical touch as a love language so there are plenty of things to consider in determining the right and necessary level of physical affection to show while dating.

What is Biblical is to honor and value other people. I would say most especially this person you are dating and claiming to have a deep love for.

Practical advice would be: keep your clothes on and don't do anything together you'd be ashamed or embarrassed to have both of your families or your pastor find out that you've done (assuming reasonably healthy relationships with all parties). Set your standards so that if you violate your standards you won't have broken God's commands and set them before the hormones start sloshing and tempting you to compromise.
 
Jewel5712

Jewel5712

Well-known member
#13
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,275
113
#13
Affection is good.setting boundaries together is better otherwise the physical might overshadow the more important things in the relationship and if we want God honoring relationships we should help each other try and stay pure..women..no low cut tops or short shorts etc..men..keep shirts on and no droopy drawers ; yep..purity in mind matters too! Lol
 
Jewel5712

Jewel5712

Well-known member
#14
Jun 22, 2018
4,091
2,275
113
#14
melita916 said:
well, I say each person has his/her boundaries for his/her own reasons. what's ok with one person may not be ok for another. of course, as long as it is lined up with the Word.

I would say to my Sunday school students, "once hormones kick in, our brain is out the door," meaning it is difficult to stop. we are not all the same, so perhaps hormones kick in quicker for some than others.

I know some christians don't want to have their 1st kiss until the wedding day. if that floats your boat, that's cool. others may not agree with it. that's cool, too.

the Holy Spirit is faithful in showing us how to walk in Him.
Click to expand...
Kissing is great..its when its the long passionate kissing that could be problematic..unfortunately..lol
 
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