Would you or do you share bank accounts with your spouse?
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W
We do have three accounts. Ours, short-term savings, and long-term savings. Ours is the money we live on. Short-term is for the inevitable surprises in life. (Car breaks down. TV dies. Roof leaks.) Long-term is hell-in-a-hand-basket time. (Car died for good. New roof needed. Hospital. Funeral expenses.)
Which seems to mean three accounts works even for people who do checking jointly.
Which seems to mean three accounts works even for people who do checking jointly.
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W
I'd ask your friends if the one who makes the most money is also the ones who do most of the housework too. The only time I ever made more money than he did was when I had a job and he was between jobs.
But he made the most money because he had to physically work harder in the trades, which included nights and weekends. So, I had to work harder at keeping up with the housework, because he was either working or tired. And when I worked and he wasn't, he did the housework. When did housekeeping stop meaning anything? If no one is doing the housework, than it is even. If someone does more housework, then it stops being even. I'd truly demand the one making the most money contribute the most to the housework too, since someone is thinking that doesn't count for anything in a relationship.
But he made the most money because he had to physically work harder in the trades, which included nights and weekends. So, I had to work harder at keeping up with the housework, because he was either working or tired. And when I worked and he wasn't, he did the housework. When did housekeeping stop meaning anything? If no one is doing the housework, than it is even. If someone does more housework, then it stops being even. I'd truly demand the one making the most money contribute the most to the housework too, since someone is thinking that doesn't count for anything in a relationship.
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W
"I would" implies you're not there yet. Are you engaged? If you are, I hope he understands this is the way you're going. If you're not, how do you yet know what his weaknesses are?
There are six men in my family. Two are tightwads. One figured out a career path where money is no object to him and never will be. Ones perpetually broke, so knows how to squeeze a nickel until the buffalo cries. (Which probably doesn't make any sense, unless you've seen enough buffalo nickels.) And two are have it/spend it. I married one of the last type, but was taught tighwadism growing up, so I can go either way.
I do suspect this has everything to do with who you marry, however if you don't trust the man, why marry him? I wouldn't trust a man who doesn't trust me. And, if I don't trust him, I won't marry him. Home is where we can let our guard down, but if I have to keep up my guard in my own house, it is never home.
There are six men in my family. Two are tightwads. One figured out a career path where money is no object to him and never will be. Ones perpetually broke, so knows how to squeeze a nickel until the buffalo cries. (Which probably doesn't make any sense, unless you've seen enough buffalo nickels.) And two are have it/spend it. I married one of the last type, but was taught tighwadism growing up, so I can go either way.
I do suspect this has everything to do with who you marry, however if you don't trust the man, why marry him? I wouldn't trust a man who doesn't trust me. And, if I don't trust him, I won't marry him. Home is where we can let our guard down, but if I have to keep up my guard in my own house, it is never home.
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I know his weaknesses because I have been carrying him through struggles and know hes not at a point yet where he can deal with a lot of money at once.
Of course he knows my views and ways. He accepts it. He also knows that if he is in need he can always count on me, same as the other way around.
Of course he knows my views and ways. He accepts it. He also knows that if he is in need he can always count on me, same as the other way around.
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Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s is about paying taxes, it is not about sharing money in a marriage. Taxes were due, the disciples didn’t have the do-rei-mi (being fishermen, fishermen are generally poor). The disciples were like “We ain’t payin’ no taxes”. Jesus tells them “Go fishing and open the fish’s mouth.” They open the fish’s mouth and find a coin. Jesus asks them whose face is on the coin, and they tell him it is Caesar’s.
Jesus then says “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto God what is God’s.” In other words, pay your taxes and live for God.
Jesus then says “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and unto God what is God’s.” In other words, pay your taxes and live for God.
I may be misunderstanding or misreading into what you are saying, so if I'm giving you advice that's irrelevant bear with me. I'm pretty convinced that this "married in the sight of God" nonsense is a compromise many younger Christians (and sometimes not so young) make mentally to avoid feeling guilty about disobedience. A way of saying that God approves of what would usually be wrong behavior in this case because we love each other so much and love is the greatest commandment. I'm pretty sure there's nothing in the Bible to support the idea that two people can somehow be married super privately in the sight of God and no one else need be informed or consulted. Commitment without accountability isn't worth much, and part of making it public is to have the community there to hold you accountable to that commitment because it isn't going to be easy. Throughout both history and the Bible marriage has been a public social recognition of people forming a domestic social unit (couple, family, man and his multiple wives in some cultures, household, etc). But I am convinced that it's primarily a social construct rather than a religious one and so God gives few specific commands as to how marriage ceremonies should be performed but plenty of commands against violating it.
The other thing I'll say is that the paperwork is there to help protect the commitment, when done right. My co-worker was talking about how he and his wife waited some ridiculous number of years (like seriously longer than some marriages last) to get married because they wanted to be sure that it would work out. I looked at him and told him that was why you got married, to put the legal and social framework in place that makes it so much harder to get out of it that you're motivated to make it work. If you're committed, you prove it by locking yourself in with no way out. And yes that makes it harder and more long and drawn out and painful if things fall apart, but that also just gives you that much more reason to work hard to keep things together.
And though it's not clear if this is part of your situation or not, I do want to state that God has absolutely no modern requirement or expectation for a man and woman to marry just because they've slept together. That's not marriage in the sight of God, that's fornication (ohhh there's an old fashioned word no one uses outside of church anymore because it makes it sound like people are doing something wrong).
And this is not meant to be an attack on Demi in any way shape or form. I don't know her situation or history well enough to speak intelligently about them. It's even possible that she means something else entirely by married in the sight of God than I understood when I heard it. This is just an attack on bad theology that could lead people into sin or foolish life choices because they think that God approves of those decisions.
The other thing I'll say is that the paperwork is there to help protect the commitment, when done right. My co-worker was talking about how he and his wife waited some ridiculous number of years (like seriously longer than some marriages last) to get married because they wanted to be sure that it would work out. I looked at him and told him that was why you got married, to put the legal and social framework in place that makes it so much harder to get out of it that you're motivated to make it work. If you're committed, you prove it by locking yourself in with no way out. And yes that makes it harder and more long and drawn out and painful if things fall apart, but that also just gives you that much more reason to work hard to keep things together.
And though it's not clear if this is part of your situation or not, I do want to state that God has absolutely no modern requirement or expectation for a man and woman to marry just because they've slept together. That's not marriage in the sight of God, that's fornication (ohhh there's an old fashioned word no one uses outside of church anymore because it makes it sound like people are doing something wrong).
And this is not meant to be an attack on Demi in any way shape or form. I don't know her situation or history well enough to speak intelligently about them. It's even possible that she means something else entirely by married in the sight of God than I understood when I heard it. This is just an attack on bad theology that could lead people into sin or foolish life choices because they think that God approves of those decisions.
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You're completely mixing up two different Bible stories there. For those interested:
Paying taxes to Caesar (a last trick question from the Pharisees): Matt 22:15-22
Catching fish to pay the temple tax Matt 17:24-27
But since a lot of church going people aren't aware the second story even exists, I'll give you bonus points for remembering it.
Paying taxes to Caesar (a last trick question from the Pharisees): Matt 22:15-22
Catching fish to pay the temple tax Matt 17:24-27
But since a lot of church going people aren't aware the second story even exists, I'll give you bonus points for remembering it.
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L
They’re both about paying taxes. I didn’t realize the stories were different.
I like thinking about the fishermen saying “whatever” about paying taxes. One of my cousins who is a shrimper, did not pay income tax. When the IRS agent came to audit him, he said “You cain’t git blood out of an old turnup!” And SUPPOSEDLY the agent said, “No, but we can throw an old turnip in prison.”
I kind of think the convo was made up for comedy purposes, just a little bit of folklore.
I like thinking about the fishermen saying “whatever” about paying taxes. One of my cousins who is a shrimper, did not pay income tax. When the IRS agent came to audit him, he said “You cain’t git blood out of an old turnup!” And SUPPOSEDLY the agent said, “No, but we can throw an old turnip in prison.”
I kind of think the convo was made up for comedy purposes, just a little bit of folklore.
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No, it's about living within the laws of the country. And what country doesn't have a law about marriage licences, witnesses, and someone presiding over the wedding?
I'm going to speak up when someone starts giving excuses why there is no marriage and yet she is married. Marriage is like pregnancy -- either you are or you aren't. There is no middle ground.
(Also, it was the Pharisees, not the apostles.)
I'm going to speak up when someone starts giving excuses why there is no marriage and yet she is married. Marriage is like pregnancy -- either you are or you aren't. There is no middle ground.
(Also, it was the Pharisees, not the apostles.)
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Long interesting post.
But fornication is cheating on your wife/husband. God nowhere speaks of sex before marriage. He speaks against prostitution, fornication (cheating), and adultery (leaving your husband/wife for another u cheated with) well and incest...or more even the children of incest because thats anlot abomination too.
I agree with you that there is no private marriage as everyone is supposed to know who is married with who and who isnt. But thats self explanatory.
No worries no offense taken.
We can agree to disagree in the end. I dont mind opinions. In fact i likw hearing others opinions cause that often brings me into studying stuff I wouldnt usually think of.
Sorr for thea typos i having a really hard time with cc on my phone
But fornication is cheating on your wife/husband. God nowhere speaks of sex before marriage. He speaks against prostitution, fornication (cheating), and adultery (leaving your husband/wife for another u cheated with) well and incest...or more even the children of incest because thats anlot abomination too.
I agree with you that there is no private marriage as everyone is supposed to know who is married with who and who isnt. But thats self explanatory.
No worries no offense taken.
We can agree to disagree in the end. I dont mind opinions. In fact i likw hearing others opinions cause that often brings me into studying stuff I wouldnt usually think of.
Sorr for thea typos i having a really hard time with cc on my phone
So according to your understanding (correct me if I am wrong) the laws of the country apply over God?
God talks about giving the government (or whoever is in charge) what belongs ro themsame..but the second verse CLEARLY states ro give, God what is his. Plus marriage b law is not forced. In fact, u can get married in a church,synagogue or wherever withput the state.
Also Im not making excuses. Keep judging
God talks about giving the government (or whoever is in charge) what belongs ro themsame..but the second verse CLEARLY states ro give, God what is his. Plus marriage b law is not forced. In fact, u can get married in a church,synagogue or wherever withput the state.
Also Im not making excuses. Keep judging