*Seoulsearch makes a cameo guest appearance...*
I guess I couldn't leave poor Tommy starving and holding his breath for too much longer.
Anyway...
I was raised in "a good Christian family"--no divorce--except mine, so I was raised with people always talking about how divorce happens because people give up at the drop of a hat, no one works hard enough at keeping a marriage together, and people who don't share accounts shouldn't get married because it's obvious they have no trust in each other.
I believed all of it.
And then my own divorce hit, as well as several other life situations I never anticipated...
* My ex-husband's way of coping with almost any sort of problem was to buy something--except that he never told me that. The day after we got married I went to clean his car out and found receipts for debts he never told me he had. And even when we got them paid down, he would simply open up more credit cards and buy more (often small but pricey items that he could easily hide, such as the many gaming cards that he collected.)
I'm not sure how it all went down because he never told me anything except to go to the courthouse, fill out the papers, and have a lovely packet of documents entitled, "You Are Being Sued For Divorce" sent to me. But thankfully, somehow, and I'm guessing only by the grace of God, no one has come after me or tried to make me pay his many debts. However, I've heard of several people whose spouses also left them for someone else, and then they wound up paying all their loans and credit card bills (as well as having their credit wrecked) because they had joint accounts.
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* A beloved pastor and his wife from my congregation had been very faithful stewards of everything God had given them, and at the end of their lives, they talked with all of their family about how their things should be divided. Each member of the family, down to the youngest great-grandchild, was to receive something, whether a monetary gift or a sentimental trinket they had picked out with from the house. This couple was highly organized and had a detailed list of what everyone had asked for, and what they were to receive.
When the time came for the remaining member of this couple to be called home, one of their children came to them and said, "Hey Dad, I need you to sign this paper for the insurance company," and so, without any second thoughts, Pastor C signed this without hesitation.
What this paper actually did was hand everything over to this particular person, who then had the house locked down so that no one could come and even pick up an item from the house that they had been promised, even if it had no monetary value. This person then took everything Pastor C and his wife had worked so hard for over their lives for their own self and shut out every other member of the family.
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* A few years after a man who had lost his wife of 55 years, he found a female companion... who started asking him for money. Within a few years, she had depleted him of most of his and his deceased wife's life savings, leaving little to nothing for when his health suffered several setbacks, and would require at least $70,000 worth of care each year for which he had no insurance.
If the woman had not spent all his money, it could have been set up to earn interest and pay for at least a portion of those costs. But now, the costs will fall on his children, who have children and grandchildren of their own to pay for as well.
This woman also believes she will get anything of value that is left if this man is called home, and has been talking to him about marrying him in order to ensure that.
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No one anticipates these things to happen.
But, unfortunately, they do.
And now that I am older, chances are, if I get married again, it will be into a blended family with many different branches going in all directions. I don't have much, but what I do have, I would like to make sure, if at all possible, that it will be directed in the way that I wish.
I will ask for separate bank accounts and one joint account for paying bills. I will ask for a prenup. He can keep whatever he has--I'm not after anyone's money. My parents insisted I start looking for jobs starting at 11 (babysitting) and so all I've ever known to do was to work. I didn't have many relationships but in all of them, I wound up supporting the other person, and sometimes his family as well.
But if I have something I want to give to my nephew when I die, even if all I have to give is a beat-up old car, so I will hopefully be able to put legal documentation into place to make sure that he gets is.
I will have it set up so that if my health fails, if I do have anything, it will go to the cost of my care so that I won't burden the other members of my family.
And, if the time comes that I know I am falling down the rabbit hole and am closer to being called home, if at all possible, I will have my own attorney to check over any documents that anyone asks me to sign.
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