A conversation about nothing in particular
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Q: Where do the socks go when they vanish from the rest of your laundry on wash day?
A: A highly unstable aboriginal aberrational transdimensional vortex develops in the cyclonic flux of the high temperature rotating electrostatic whirlpool that so often accompanies the dihydrogen oxide removal phase of the de-soilization of the apparel. This transdimensional vortex is especially powerful when enhanced by the static charge that surrounds certain synthetic materials, such as polyester.
Thus, if one stares closely through the glass on a laundromat dryer they may indeed observe certain small podiatric garments vanish from reality as we know it and arrive in another dimensional reality far beyond our ability to comprehend or perceive. That is the reason there is so little polyester left in society today.
Using this transdimensional vortex energy it is possible to travel to other realities. I have been there and back many times. One must cover themselves in polyester from head to toe and climb into a laundromat dryer while sucking on a nine volt battery. The battery helps amplify the charge so you can leave reality more quickly.
Elvis continues to wear too much polyester and that is why he has so much trouble staying in this reality.
Some people have been known to jump out of this reality just by wearing a polyester shirt while stroking a cat. This can be very dangerous, so I don't advise anyone to do it outside of a laboratory.
1. Lift both lids and add 1/2 cup of pet shampoo to the water.
2. Pick up your cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, toss the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to sit on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate, making ample suds. The noises that come from the toilet insure that the cat is enjoying himself immensely.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a power-wash and rinse and is also very enjoyable for the cat.
6. Open the front door of your home and be sure that there is no one between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet and quickly lift the lid.
8. The cat will rocket through the house, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
Rover
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy relied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother; he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy relied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother; he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either."