Buscadora,
This goes back to a basic problema I sense you struggle with. And I want to talk a little about that.
"Did not God (Sus Dios) ask us to love our enemies as we love ourselves?"
You have said that you feel El Señor has placed within your heart, a "self-loathing." Is this correct? Do you think it is with that same emotion that He wants us to look at our enemies... who probably DESERVE to be 'loathed?
No, probably not. Think about that for a while. Do you think God expects us to endeavor and work to get ourselves 'right' before He will forgive us? Then, would it not stand to reason that our enemies would also have to come to us and restore our relationship before we could look upon them favorably?
To most Protestants, that answer would come just as quickly as it does to you. But, it would usually be a different answer. It is automatic for you to respond to your teaching with "Of course confession to a priest of the church, and the performance of that man's assigned repentance are necessary before I am able to return to fellowship with God." We don't find that in anything Jesus taught. (Well, MOST of us don't. There are still some trying to live part of the Law who will swear it is necessary...... that heavy guilt and desire to work our way into God's love isn't exclusive to Catholicism.)
And, if you spend some time, yourself, alone with the Bible, assessing the many times that Jesus forgave people and/or healed them (essentially the same thing), you will find He forgave BEFORE He gave any 'conditions.' And even then, those 'conditions' were just "Don't keep sinning." or, "See that you tell no one about this." He DID ask one time, if the person really wanted to be healed.
I'm saying way too much to just get across a simple point.
If God has no problem forgiving you when you have not earned Him doing so, and since you CAN'T earn that forgiveness, and never will be a good enough person to deserve it..... does it seem logical to loath what God loves? If you cannot love yourself, then how at you going to do what God asks a LOT more than He ever asked us to do Hail Mary's or Our Father's for an hour, and "love your enemy as yourself?"