J
I lie in bed pondering the life I live. I wonder about all my sins and if they will prohibit me access into heaven. I wonder about things about the Bible, and all the things people say about it. What hurts the most are the mistakes I've made with people. What I'm scared of the most is what may or may not lie after death. My uncertainty is my enemy. I want to get angry, but I don't see the point when no one will understand where I'm coming from. I want to cry, but people will only want me to stop and pretend to care. I wish God would manifest himself in front of me so that I may speak with him face to face. But I'm going to be told that he's not a genie. I want to see him. I want to hear him. I'm not sure about my faith. I'm not sure about my life. I wish I could rip out of my own life and float about invisible. I'm tired of being.
Regarding your post about friends distancing themselves. Then I read Aimee's response, then I thought of my own situation with my best friend who split with her husband last year. Last year on their anniversary she was really upset. I listened to her and really didn't say much. I did say, I feel like a dope, I don't want to say anything cliche to you, or anything that would make things worse. She said, then don't say anything cliche and just listen, because that's what I need. So that's what I do.
That's some day, uh hour.
Want me to drop by? I am sure I can cause some extra chaos![]()
will someone please pray for me? things are bad again...
Why would you do that? Just curious.
I don't know if I can physically and mentally do this and not sleep my life away. But what is the alternative? I need to make a life for myself, I can't rely on finding a mate to help with income, my rent being so cheap, my car not breaking down, nor that my seizures to finally are controlled. There are realities in life that I can't get around. Yes, God may help me in someways. I feel pressed. I should take the manager job even though it already exhausts me and causing smaller seizures, I will need to get on more meds then which effects my memory and energy, possibly mood as well. My life will consist of work and sleep. But then I can pay off debt and be more secure if I need to move or have to get another car.
(Sorry I keep posting about this stuff)