Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[Ugly]

Ok. So I just want to say


I am here in the USA!!!

And it's been a blur for the past two days - NY's lights, extremely beautiful girls with shiny hair, hot sun, too much sugar and missing my mom and my dog....


OH and I met a bunch of Mormons/missionaries. And I think I saw some Amish people at the airport

Sounds like you're having a great time, Rachel. Glad to hear it's going well. Just try to stay out of trouble, ok?

 

[Fenner]

Ok. So I just want to say


I am here in the USA!!!

And it's been a blur for the past two days - NY's lights, extremely beautiful girls with shiny hair, hot sun, too much sugar and missing my mom and my dog....


OH and I met a bunch of Mormons/missionaries. And I think I saw some Amish people at the airport

I hope you have a great visit!

 

[Misty77]

It's crazy how quickly I can fall back into the role of a spineless, cowering, emotional punching bag just from having to talk to my ex.

I was trying to be nice and discuss when he can next see the kids. I honestly have no idea if I straight up failed, or if he was already in a bad mood. Either way, part of me now wants to give up and hide away until his words stop echoing in my mind...
I'll never make it on my own.
I can't handle being alone.
What man will ever want someone like me?
I'll come crawling back as soon as I realize nobody else will have me.
I never appreciated how good I had it.
I'm ungrateful and just don't understand anything.
If I'm going to "live off the government", then I should get used to people thinking I'm trash.

*sigh*
There's a part of me that believes those things still.

But...there's a stronger part of me...that knows different.

I know what you mean. I feel like I have to vomit and my fingers tremble for just a moment when I get an email notification from X. I just never know what's going to be in it or how he's going to try to cause trouble. For a moment, I become that shell of a person that he made me to be. I am different now, stronger; but I wonder if that wounded part of me will ever totally heal.

 

[rachelsedge]

It's crazy how quickly I can fall back into the role of a spineless, cowering, emotional punching bag just from having to talk to my ex.

I was trying to be nice and discuss when he can next see the kids. I honestly have no idea if I straight up failed, or if he was already in a bad mood. Either way, part of me now wants to give up and hide away until his words stop echoing in my mind...
I'll never make it on my own.
I can't handle being alone.
What man will ever want someone like me?
I'll come crawling back as soon as I realize nobody else will have me.
I never appreciated how good I had it.
I'm ungrateful and just don't understand anything.
If I'm going to "live off the government", then I should get used to people thinking I'm trash.

*sigh*
There's a part of me that believes those things still.

But...there's a stronger part of me...that knows different.

SOUNDS LIKE THERE'S SOMEONE I NEED TO PUNCH.

Just kidding.

Sort of.

I know it's easier said than done to not listen to him, but just remember there's only one of him telling you that and all of us (and Christ) telling you that you are more, and beautiful, and worth it, and redeemed.

 

[wisebeardman]

Ok. So I just want to say


I am here in the USA!!!

And it's been a blur for the past two days - NY's lights, extremely beautiful girls with shiny hair, hot sun, too much sugar and missing my mom and my dog....


OH and I met a bunch of Mormons/missionaries. And I think I saw some Amish people at the airport

sweet. hope you have a good time, and remember don't go walking out and about alone. have someone with you for safety. and use your instincts if it feels bad it prob is bad.

 

[rachelsedge]

Yeesh, apparently I get reactive and passionate when trying to protect the broken. I posted a response in a thread where I probably should have taken a couple more breaths before posting.

Anyway.

I told my supervisor this morning about the move, and my coworkers right before we left. They all are sad, excited, and understand. I know I (and probably one or two others) will cry on my last day. I plan on leaving a note for them and sending cards on holidays as well.

I got an email saying that a second interview is wanted from one of the places I interviewed with on Tuesday, the one I'd prefer to be hired for. It will be via a web cam since I cannot make it in person, but the HR rep said that it's a three hour process. Three hours?? What in the world?! She said something about "back-to-back interviews" so I wonder if I'm interviewing with different managers or something. I thought to myself, "If I'm interviewing for 3 straight hours, I better get the job!"

 

[MissCris]

It can be frustrating, but before becoming too frustrated with them you have to stop and ask yourself if you've ever spent any time like that? Trapped in your situation. Accepting where you're at and not expecting any change or relief. Feeling paralyzed. Not even trying. How long did you go like that? Hours? Days? Weeks? Years?
Usually that's a sign of a person that is hurt and broken and can't see hope. While there are limit to how long you give these people chances, recognizing that you've been there as well, and that this person just needs a bigger push to give them hope, might be a more useful approach.

I don't disagree about that- you're right, I've been there myself. I've felt trapped, I've felt like I couldn't change anything, I've felt like even trying to would be pointless.
But I recognized that something needed to change.
That's what frustrates me, is when a person is Content to carry on the way they are, and they so don't HAVE to. When they no longer even have the thought that life Should be better.
And I know people like that are broken...they've gone numb. I know Why it happens. I just hate seeing it. Because bad as things get sometimes, crappy as parts of my life have been, I'm a fighter. I may have to shut down for a while to cope, but even so there's an internal struggle, a flickering flame, just waiting for its chance to get that little bit of oxygen it needs to turn into a blaze. If that fire ever goes out...game over. So when I see other people whose fires have been extinguished...it's just too much, you know? It doesn't have to BE that way.
I might've stopped making sense.

 

[Pipp]

it's 11:30 and no one is in chat.... I'm sitting there in silence...lol poor me

 

[MissCris]

So...the little cow who's trying to drink my coffee in my avatar...he's had an eventful day. First the coffee, then dancing lessons with a one year old, then flying lessons from a three year old. And then the cow told cow stories and sang in cow language to two very happy kids.

And then the cow got thrown out the window. Bye bye.

My neighbor brought him back.

And THEN...

I got into minor trouble by the apartment manager. She almost never goes to anyone's apartment to talk to them; she usually tapes a note to the door asking you to go see her. Apparently, this was something of an emergency.

I had a giant blue stuffed bunny with super sad eyes perched precariously on the window ledge, with a sign pinned to his tummy that said "GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD. I'M GONNA JUMP."

So the manager showed up, and I thought I was going to be evicted or something over my terrible memory for paying bills on time (which makes no sense at all because I currently don't have to pay rent). But then she started walking into the living room without saying so much as Hi, and stopped by the window and folded her hands together and sighed before finally saying, "I never thought I'd see the day when I would have to add 'keep your suicidal bunnies out of the window' to the rules and regulations here. This isn't something they prepare you for in training."

I said, "So...yeah...I'll just take that down then, shall I?"

Apparently someone driving by saw it (which was the point...) and did NOT see any humor in it.

On the bright side, I should have my screen put back in tomorrow.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Just got back a while ago from watching The Princess Bride on the big screen. Here in town there's an old time theater where during the summer months they show random films that People vote on in January. Before the film there's a guy that rises up out from the stage all Phantom of the Opera-like playing songs on this grand old pipe organ,then when he's done they show classic original trailers for various films that they will be showing,as well as a cartoon. Tonight's was Animaniacs.

I can't wait to go see Young Frankenstein,The Goonies,and Jurassic Park in the upcoming weeks ahead. $3 for adults & $1 for kids 12 & under. Can't beat that!

It was worth getting soaked in the rain & dealing with the humidity to get out tonight & see the film...plus I had some great company as well.

This summer may turn out better than I'd hoped for after all.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

"I never thought I'd see the day when I would have to add 'keep your suicidal bunnies out of the window' to the rules and regulations here. This isn't something they prepare you for in training."

I said, "So...yeah...I'll just take that down then, shall I?"

That awkward moment when...

 

[MissCris]

I've got this orange creamsicle ice cream, and a while ago it occurred to me that this is the kind of ice cream that is just begging to be consumed via straw.

Milk shake!!

...I don't have a blender. I don't even have a- I DO have a hand mixer! Dang. Too late now. Anyway, it takes approximately 429 years to get ice cream soft enough to stir it to milk shake consistency.

That...seemed a lot more important before I started typing it.

 

[Markum1972]

Strange that if someone is looking for a job, no one (usually) tells them to stop doing it and just put God first. Yet if someone claims to be seeking a mate, many people say this as if seeking a mate is conflicting with their relationship with God. Personally, I am seeking neither but certainly would not buy this in either case. We are to put our trust in God that if we seek, we shall find. Nowhere is it written that it is forbidden nor frowned upon to seek. As a matter of fact, it IS written that he that finds... finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Are you seeking or not? In either case you are not in error as long as you are being truthful about it. Just like with a job, don't expect something to drop into your lap without actively looking. The world teaches how to play too many deceitful games. Don't buy what they are selling.

 

[MissCris]

Strange that if someone is looking for a job, no one (usually) tells them to stop doing it and just put God first. Yet if someone claims to be seeking a mate, many people say this as if seeking a mate is conflicting with their relationship with God. Personally, I am seeking neither but certainly would not buy this in either case. We are to put our trust in God that if we seek, we shall find. Nowhere is it written that it is forbidden nor frowned upon to seek. As a matter of fact, it IS written that he that finds... finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Are you seeking or not? In either case you are not in error as long as you are being truthful about it. Just like with a job, don't expect something to drop into your lap without actively looking. The world teaches how to play too many deceitful games. Don't buy what they are selling.

I don't think anyone has a problem with someone who is looking for a mate or would like to get married. The issue is that sooo many people seem to turn marriage into some kind of idol, like without a spouse, they are nothing and they're doomed to be alone forever. The problem is the attitude behind Why a person is seeking a mate.

 

[didymos]

I don't think anyone has a problem with someone who is looking for a mate or would like to get married. The issue is that sooo many people seem to turn marriage into some kind of idol, like without a spouse, they are nothing and they're doomed to be alone forever. The problem is the attitude behind Why a person is seeking a mate.

Such wise words. I've been married for over 15 years, married my very first girlfriend actually. And through the years I've found it out that being married in itself is nothing special, but that's EXACTLY what makes it special. Get it? I sure don't. I'm happy and that's all that matters.

 

[Searching4Truth]

Well, I hope I get another mildly interesting dream tonight. My last one was interesting.

 

[MissCris]

It's quite nice not having anyone telling me when I have to go to bed, but it would be kind of nice to have someone tell me to go to bed. I are loopy and nonsensing. It hurts my brain.

 

[Ugly]

It's quite nice not having anyone telling me when I have to go to bed, but it would be kind of nice to have someone tell me to go to bed. I are loopy and nonsensing. It hurts my brain.

Go to bed young lady! Or no suicidal bunnies for you to play with tomorrow.

 

[iTOREtheSKY]

Ahhh, 5 am brings about such bizarre thoughts.

I mentioned to a friend last month a bit of a scenario...something like "I bet if so & so said or did this,no one would take issue with it,or if they said this or that people would turn a blind eye,but yet when I do that,it's suddenly the end of the world & I'm a horrible person."

This friend reassured me that simply wasn't the case. That it would be just as shocking,wrong or unacceptable no matter who was doing/saying these things.

I guess I still feel that there are lots of double standards. Many times just as many among Christians,depending on who you talk to or what circle of friends you have.

I know it's my pride. There's nothing scriptural for why it bothers me...other than "sin" is "sin" type of thing,no matter who does it. I catch myself asking God "why?" quite a bit. I compare too much. I really hate this aspect of myself & wish I could just grow up. Not give a hoot what anyone else is or isn't doing in their private life.

It's all pride. I can be very immature at times. It may not always show on the outside,but inside my mind once & a while it's like a terrible daycare center gone wrong.

These are the moments when I feel like I should extract myself from any type of social media,because I'm not strong enough to stay away,and the more I see how certain people behave,the more I want to act like a jerk & lash out. Even if in reality what I'd say to them was the truth or fact,I know my heart wouldn't be to help or encourage it would be to be a (insert favorite curse word here)!

 

[wwjd_kilden]

^can we make a club? You're not alone